I think unfortunately the issue is deeper than social media trends(anti-queer coin psyops), they have the potential to be effective due to material conditions. As the pressure increases on queer people due to an increase in political hostility, it will increase the appeal of pursuing assimilationist/collaborationist lines. For transmasculine folks, this can mean leaning harder into patriarchal masculinity and misogyny. The cowards who would cross the line must be handled firmly, if they will not listen to reason and change their ways. Simultaneously I think the work of maintaining welcoming, inclusive anti-collaborationist spaces (as it sounds like you have been doing) is even more vital than ever

This has happened 3 times in the past 2 years or so.

How many trans guys in total have you had experiences with in that time?

I always get curious about things that may get seen as varying levels of prominent, compared to their actual rate of occurrence. (Sometimes it's different and also sometimes it's not, but it's always worth keeping the rate in mind.)

People always pretend that's a tumblr thing, but if it ever was it has long spread beyond that and it's now a community wide thing that i have seen play out irl more than once. And that shouldn't surprise anybody. When you teach men to act this way, some will always take the bait. It's how patriarchy sustains itself, by offering men safe options to hurt women. Most men only do this in subtle ways they may not even be aware of, but the number of those that are more brutal is always large enough to cause a problem and the number of those who flat-out refuse to hurt, exploit or sideline women is way too often too low.

So how do you deal with this without excluding nonproblematic trans men from your space? Obviously making it "non-men only" cannot be the solution. While it can make sense to have some events restricted to certain queer identities if you have the capacities, just so they have a safer space for themselves, we cannot organize community in a way that shows all cis gay and cis bi and trans men the door. These are still marginalized queer identities that have aligned class interests with us, and besides that nobody wants a door policy that determines if somebody is too masc to enter.

It's important to not make this about these men's gender identity, but about their behavior. Their behavior is openly (trans)misogynist, exclusionary and ultimately aimed to take your space over by bullying trans women out of it. People who behave in that way need to be barred from your space. It's an unfortunate reality of safer spaces under patriarchy that they need to blacklist some people, and these guys sound like prime candidates for that. You need to purge them.

men only spaces are a terrible idea and it doesn't become a good idea if they happen to be trans men

Have you stopped to consider that he is a special birthday boy?

I might be overly blunt here I hope I'm not, but if you want to run a non-discriminatory mixed gender space then this has to be addressed. If someone feels mad about being excluded and their response is to exclude people there's unresolved issues.

Does it mean I am against them having a men only space? No. Being transgender is difficult enough already. But your space isn't women only, is it? So why are you getting the blame for it?

Being a victim doesn't give anyone free pass to take it out on others. That's not justice. Justice means resolving the problem between the people involved in the incident and keep it contained to the incident. I know that this is unsatisfying answer, but I really don't think there is a satisfying answer.

Ultimately the question is: Are the guys using their space for healing so that they're capable of interacting with other people, in a non-discriminatory fashion, provided they themselves get equal treatment, or do they want to be dudes only club for the rest of days?

trans women trying to make LGBT spaces all about them so they only let trans men in

What was that study saying, iirc, that if women are talking 30% of the time, men will perceive the discussion as being dominated by women. We see whining abt "trans women taking up all the space" way more than we see trans women ever actually doing that (in fact 90% of the trans women we know could stand to take up a bit more space, ourself included), perhaps that (trans)misogynistic perception is the reason why

we live in society where men are socialized to be rude, mean, exclusionary and women are socialized to be nice and polite. men showing up to our center are rude, mean, exclusionary while women are nice and polite. what could be the cause of this.

I can attest that as a trans guy I've experienced, and know trans men, who have experienced being iced out of spaces for being too masc. Most of the trans spaces I've been to are primarily trans femme (plus trans men, I GUESS). It's like you reach a certain point in transition and it's no longer "uwu cute baby boy" and then it's "ew yucky masc."

I'm mentioning this because this might explain their attitude. I get the frustration. I also grew up and stopped giving a shit and just try to hang out with my people.

These guys need to grow up and realize that it's not appropriate to go to a mixed space and refuse to talk to the other people there. It's one thing to have your boys club, it's another to be like "we're not talking to YOU, ladies" and deadass stare while standing in a space they are guests in. It's stupid and dare I say "cringe".

Its definitely some social media thing, men are not ok and that obviously includes trans men. Even 5 yrs ago or dudes were being weird and overcompensatory and there were alt right trans masc sorts like Kevin Garrah that had near cult-like gatherings on a lot of Reddit-adjacent spaces. As empoc I've found those dudes don't want me around neither, and won't listen to me. I've gotten kicked out of discords and groups just for being Chicano, nothing more.

The naive youth think because they pass and they're dudebros they're safe. Horseshit, no one is safe, and the right only sees one as a tool and will never treat nor see them as their authentic selves. Communities only thrive united, this is how they pull us apart to you know, do bad stuff to us, old playbook from the 70s.

I think misogyny and clique behaviour in general has increased in young dudes

So I don't agree with it. The person shouldn't be doing that and has some things to unpack. However, it's understandable at the same time.

There is a current issue in online queer spaces that have conflated trans men with cis men. Hell, any transition from F to M in any capacity is often met with hostility in general spaces at worst and ignored at best. It can honestly be very very difficult to talk about issues that you are facing in online spaces because your posts will often get ignored or flamed to death about how you need to shut up cause other people have bigger problems. Even if say those problems are homelessness,removed, etc. It's honestly really bad.

Then you have the constant issue of "women and NB only spaces" cropping up in transpaces and the likes. Me and others have criticized this at length because it is and will always be inherently transphobic to every branch of gender presentation and identity. To try and TL;DR a very complicated thing. Whatever you use to identify a woman and NB only space will always exclude a person physically or their idenity. Of course the same issues are going to be a problem for a "men's only" space. Regardless of whether it's trans or not.

Like, I want to stress how horrifying it is and how isolating it is for various people that you just cannot talk about your issues anywhere as a certain type of trans person online. Thankfully, I have a IRL space but many people don't have that.

Which leads to the other side of this. This was probably going to be inevitable. These trans guys are NOT CIS MEN. However, at the same time, as this op (because honestly at a certain point I don't know what else to call it. It's way to manufactured) continues you are going to have bigots do the thing they always do and try and recruit these trans guys. Which will meet different levels of success. I mean ffs you have nazi furries and elaborate campaigns to funnel as many furries into nazi ideology as possible and they constantly have to be kicked out.

The thing is, a lot of us have been butches before anything else. A lot of us are used to the neglect and shit and often keep each other in line when someone starts doing stupid toxic masculinity shit. Honestly, to be a butch is to suffer ngl. However, it's inevitable that trans men are not going to go through the same routes every time, and a few of them are going to fall through the cracks of support.

"But this is IRL!" You may say, well, sadly, this person has a problem with the brain worms before coming here, and just like Christian evangelists will take the bad experience they created back about how they were trying to be othered or attacked by trans women and it'll just further cement the cult-like attitude.

Honestly, this is one of those things that scares me a little. As a genderfluid person, I kind of just get shit from everywhere and everyone. So I get to see this stuff from a perspective that most people cannot or choose not to see. Which, if I'm being blunt, sums up to reinventing the wheel of gender shackles. This is why I'm trying to stress here that the call is coming from inside the house, and it's a big issue that is happening for everyone. There is this idea that trans men are coming after trans women and trans women are coming after trans men. It has got to stop. (Not saying OP is doing this, just speaking about the general issue going on here that i've been watching get worse and worse for 2 years now)

What does all of this mean?

1. Any trans person who treats the other trans identities as a cis person is a problem.

2. There is a very big OP going on in online trans spaces to cause trans people to attack and be transphobic to other trans people.

3. As long as we cling to gender binaries, this issue is going to get worse, and we are going to be right back where we started from.

Edit: As far as what to do about this? Honestly, as someone who has had to deal with their own various community-building things. I would try and approach this person when they arrive. Tell them straight up what's going on, in a nice, gentle way. And if they refuse to be nice and open to all trans people. Then they honestly need to be told they can stay in their men's-only group and not come back. It's harsh but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Normally we have things in place if someone wants to try and come back if they fix their shit, but that rarely happens. Pride is one hell of a drug, I tell you.