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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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cross-posted from: https://mander.xyz/post/54780863

The governor of the northwestern Vologda region said Monday evening that he ran out of gasoline while driving and had to hitch a ride with traffic police, just an hour after he urged residents not to give in to panic and hoard fuel amid a nationwide supply crisis.

Web Archive link

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Politicians really should avoid going on podcasts.

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Old news, but I haven't seen it posted here.
The teronlyfans website linked in the article is gone now, but it's been archived: https://web.archive.org/web/20240331051815/https://teronlyfans.com/english/ (SFW)

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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@piefed.social to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

++Sky News++ captured his words, as he explained: “”Yes, I asked for a review by FIFA. I spoke to a man [Infantino] who is highly respected. I’m the one who got them to do it, not Biden. Biden was asleep.”

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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by sundray@lemmus.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Suuuuuuuure, buddy.

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Reports say he was dual-wielding the birds.

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A Ford employee says he lost his job after being accused of stealing a $1.95 cookie, only for the company to later realize he’d actually paid for it.

60-year-old Kurt Kromm had worked at Ford’s Kentucky Truck Plant for 11 years, but told Shifting Gears he was fired after the company believed security footage showed him taking a cookie from the break room without paying.

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A US man who has staked the uncontested claim of having the smallest penis in the world says he has booked a procedure to enhance his member at least somewhat after soliciting the online public’s financial support for that purpose.

In a brief interview on Saturday, 38-year-old Michael Phillips described himself as “really thankful and surprised” over the GoFundMe platform users who supported his campaign for help to pay for the procedure in question.

“I … never thought anyone would care enough to help,” said Phillips, who has previously explained that the procedure should relieve him of urinary issues resulting from his being only 0.38in (0.97cm) long even when wholly tumescent. “[I am] extremely grateful.”

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US PRESIDENT DONALD Trump joined second lady Usha Vance on her podcast where guests read picture books to children but Trump, who is notorious for veering off script, offered a running commentary on his predecessors, his physique and how he is spending his time in the White House.

In Trump’s appearance on Vance’s Storytime With The Second Lady podcast, which was posted online on Friday, the president read Presidents Play!, a children’s book from the White House Historical Association that features illustrations of the presidents enjoying sports and using the White House and its grounds for recreation.

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Fox News and the entire GOP is so terrified of Mayor Zohran Mamdani's success that they are mocking him for asking New Yorkers to be careful with their thermostats during an extreme heat wave. This is the same advice Trump's Energy Department has suggested as well.

Not only do they look foolish, but they appear desperate in their efforts to smear and ridicule a popular political rival.

This morning on Fox and Friends, the three co-hosts were beside themselves that the mayor of New York City would ask residents to turn the thermostat higher to conserve energy so that there aren't any blackouts during this massive heat wave.

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cross-posted from: https://infosec.pub/post/48796725

An EU court has said the manufacture of private jets can’t be excluded from a list of activities deemed to be environmentally sustainable, fuelling concerns about the greenwashing of the emissions of the super-rich.

The list, intended to provide an ⁠overview of green investments, previously excluded aircraft for private or commercial business aviation due to their high emissions compared with other forms of transport following a 2023 decision by the European Commission.

The court argued that the 2023 ruling was made with a number of errors, including that other modes of transport couldn’t necessarily be seen as low-carbon alternatives as they “lack the flexibility and speed” of private jets.

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submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by return2ozma@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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Not The Onion

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