(As I've had posts removed from this community before for not being oniony and so am not sure what the standards are: I think this is oniony because I find it highly ironic that a company would ever make an effort to delete code examples that supplement their own work, and think it could reasonably be part of a satirical headline satirizing copyright enforcement. If mods disagree that this is oniony enough, that's fine with me too.)

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.today/post/56268407

Um, no thanks.

The 42-year-old female victim escaped the house in the city of Koga, rushed to a nearby shop and held up a piece of paper that read "please help me", Makoto Hiyama, a senior local police official, said.

Flight instructor: "Do your best, lol."

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy announced Tuesday that his department would redirect $1.73 billion in Biden-era grants away from establishing “DEI bike lanes” to build roads and bridges instead.

So, what exactly is a “DEI bike lane?”

The Daily Wire pointed to former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s claim that a series of 2021 grants funding bike lanes would serve to “improve infrastructure, strengthen supply chains, make us safer, advance equity, and combat climate change.”

Upon hearing “equity,” President Donald Trump’s goons can’t help but get triggered into attacking any federal spending that won’t benefit them directly. In reality, those Biden-era grants directed funds to build a new transit center in North Carolina, replace bridges in New Mexico, extend streets in New Hampshire, install traffic lights and crosswalks in Missouri, and install bike lanes in Seattle, among other projects. Now the financial status of these projects is unclear.

A Republican candidate for Congress offered up his analysis of human sexuality and gender on Tuesday, in a group interview with South Florida’s Sun-Sentinel editorial board, alongside two other Republicans running to represent House District 20 in Broward County.

“You never see a giraffe, a male giraffe, that mate(s) with a giraffe,” Rod Joseph said. “Myself right now saying, ‘I am a giraffe,’ that doesn’t mean it’s true.”

Everyone is “born straight,” he offered.

The unusual assertion was made in answer to a question about U.S. Rep. Andy Ogles (R-TN) declaration at the beginning of Pride Month, “Homosexuality has no place in America.”

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/49193799

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) — Like plenty of local boys before him, Neil has come home to the stretch of Australian coast where he was born. Unlike most of them, he trails fame, fans and property damage in his wake. He is also a 1,000 kg (2,200 pound) elephant seal.

In June, the bellowing and blubbery 5-year-old mammal hauled himself onto land for his twice-yearly tour of beachside towns in southern Tasmania state after months of feeding at sea. That’s posing problems now that he weighs as much as a small car and has a social media following more than double Tasmania’s human population.

His rampage through local infrastructure has claimed bent traffic bollards, a sign warning the public about seals and a fence that did not survive Neil’s attempt to vault it. The rest of the time he lies placidly any place he likes, which is sometimes the middle of the road, bringing towns he visits to a standstill.

Nato leaders have informally agreed not to mention the football World Cup to Donald Trump for fear of irritating the US president at a crucial time for the military alliance.

Further below...

In the first open acknowledgment of the strategy, the Belgian prime minister, Bart De Wever, told reporters in Ankara he would not be discussing his country’s 4-1 win over the US earlier this week.

Look, can everyone please do their best not to annoy the bumbling pedophile? Thank you - your cooperation is appreciated.

Linked article has paywall; equally good article (but with slightly less not-the-onion headline):

Family of Ruth Ellis, last woman executed in UK, wins posthumous government pardon

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/49145352

cross-posted from: https://mander.xyz/post/54780863

The governor of the northwestern Vologda region said Monday evening that he ran out of gasoline while driving and had to hitch a ride with traffic police, just an hour after he urged residents not to give in to panic and hoard fuel amid a nationwide supply crisis.

Web Archive link

++Sky News++ captured his words, as he explained: “”Yes, I asked for a review by FIFA. I spoke to a man [Infantino] who is highly respected. I’m the one who got them to do it, not Biden. Biden was asleep.”

Old news, but I haven't seen it posted here.
The teronlyfans website linked in the article is gone now, but it's been archived: https://web.archive.org/web/20240331051815/https://teronlyfans.com/english/ (SFW)