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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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submitted 8 hours ago by green_goglin to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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The threat arrives in plain language. “Failure to comply could jeopardize eligibility for state educational scholarship programs,” Uthmeier wrote, aiming at the funding stream that carried roughly 88 percent of Florida’s more than 94,000 Catholic school students last year. He gave the bishops until August 7 to respond — ten days before most Florida schools open for the new year.

Within hours, the attorney general announced the letter on X. “Ironically, they won’t offer religious exemptions as prescribed by state law,” he wrote. “This is troubling and may disqualify them from state scholarships and vouchers.”

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submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by gedaliyah@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/50111532

Robert F. Kennedy to host cooking show with focus on inexpensive meals

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Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy announced Tuesday that his department would redirect $1.73 billion in Biden-era grants away from establishing “DEI bike lanes” to build roads and bridges instead.

Upon hearing “equity,” President Donald Trump’s goons can’t help but get triggered into attacking any federal spending that won’t benefit them directly. In reality, those Biden-era grants directed funds to build a new transit center in North Carolina, replace bridges in New Mexico, extend streets in New Hampshire, install traffic lights and crosswalks in Missouri, and install bike lanes in Seattle, among other projects. Now the financial status of these projects is unclear.

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submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by Aatube@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Who’s underemployed now?

headline from official webpage title. print headline is "The Revenge of the Philosophy Majors"

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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by the_mighty_kracken@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Real senator, or wax figurine?

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A mysterious wave of severe tics swept through teenagers worldwide, baffling neurologists until investigators uncovered a digital culprit reshaping adolescent behavior in real time.

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by CombatWombat@feddit.online to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

A team of scientists uploaded videos of the squirrel-like rodents in the wild on the adult-content site OnlyFans to raise money amid government budget cuts.

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Zaelaa@lemmy.zip to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

In May 2025, Department of Energy (“DOE”) Secretary Chris Wright executed a policy memorandum titled “Ensuring Responsibility for Financial Assistance” that, among other things, established a Portfolio Review Process (PRP).

With one exception, the 284 terminated grants had a recipient location and/or at least one place of performance in a state that awarded its electoral votes to Kamala Harris in the 2024 election and has two Democratic-caucusing Senators (“Blue State” grants)

DOE accepts that the inclusion of grants in the October notice tranche was based solely on the political identity of the grant recipient’s state, i.e., whether the recipient’s location and/or place of performance was in a Blue State or a non-Blue State.

https://storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.cand.450653/gov.uscourts.cand.450653.211.6.pdf

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Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

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