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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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submitted 23 hours ago by beep@piefed.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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"Effective immediately, the ​United States Navy, the Finest in ​the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING ‌any ⁠and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, the Strait of Hormuz," said Trump

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Muhoozi Kainerugaba, son of the President of Uganda and Commander of the Special Operations, said that they would cut off all diplomatic relations within 30 days if their problems were not resolved, by attempting to threaten Turkey.

Expressing his support for Israel, Kainerugaba stated that the Ugandan army was ready for an operation. He described Israel as "Holy Land" and expressed their ability to provide military support.

Kainerugaba expressed that he demands at least $1 billion from Turkey for a possible settlement, and also said that he wants the most beautiful woman in Turkey as a wife.

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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by Sunflier@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

You won't get any time off though, and will still have to go into work.

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Do video game players make ideal recruits to be air traffic controllers? The FAA is targeting gamers directly in its new hiring push.

The Federal Aviation Administration is officially recruiting video game players to be part of the next generation of air traffic controllers. Part of that push has been accompanied by a new ad campaign aimed at gamers that uses video game footage and Xbox sound effects to make the pitch that players can earn a six-figure salary by applying their in-game skills to the real world.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/45445434

Fox News Senior Medical Analyst Marc Siegel made some eyebrow-raising comments lamenting that birth rates are down among teenagers aged 15 to 19.

On Thursday, the National Center for Health Statistics reported that the U.S. fertility rate fell to another record low. The agency reported that the number of births per 1,000 women of childbearing age declined from 53.8 in 2024 to 53.1 last year. The latest figure represents a continuation of a decades-long decline in fertility rates.

Siegel joined Friday’s edition of America’s Newsroom, where Dana Perino said that while the continuing trend is not surprising, “the numbers might feel a little shocking.”

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cross-posted from: https://news.abolish.capital/post/41590

Israeli protesters during an judicial overall protests outside the Knesset in Jerusalem, February 20, 2023. (Photo: Ilia Yefimovich/dpa via ZUMA Press/APA Images)The entire Israeli political spectrum is united in blasting Netanyahu for not continuing to attack Iran, and Israeli society agrees. The reason, to put it simply, is that Israelis are war junkies.


From Mondoweiss via This RSS Feed.

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Spoiler: Nutria.

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The White House Correspondents' dinner is a yearly tradition stretching back over a century, yet this year's host could perhaps prove controversial as many users of gay hookup app Grindr have opposed the association.

Beginning all the way back in 1921, the White House Correspondents' dinner, organized and operated by the White House Correspondents' Association (WHCA) is a joining of journalists covering politics in the United States and some of the current administration's leading officals.

It's often attended by the president, and frequently features segments where the head of state mocks themselves, yet the host for this year's edition could perhaps spark debate and division among members of the LGBTQ community.

As reported by The Hill, gay hookup app Grindr is, for the first time ever, hosting a WHCA dinner party on April 25, which also marks the first time that President Donald Trump will be in attendance across both of his terms.

Trump was notably the only president since the dinner's creation to not attend a single event, having skipped every one during his first term, yet he announced last month on Truth Social that he would be bucking the trend by showing face this year.

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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by nocturne@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

For more than four decades, GWAR has been pissing people off. They’ve “killed” countless controversial figures and it’s raised the hackles of emotionally weak fuck faces. It’s unavoidable. Yet the recent on-stage “disembowelment” of President Donald J. Trump pissed off the MAGA cult so you know what that means — they sent death threats to the guys parading around as fake intergalactic aliens in fake armor.

The main incident that got people up in arms was the band’s performance at Riot Fest in Chicago last year. During that particular show, they featured a little simulated murder of noted racist net negatives to society and wastes of valuable oxygen Elon Musk and President Donald Trump. It was all in good fun worthy of a good “hahaha” or a “hehehe” during your metal show.

Well, that was too much for the MAGA crowd. No, they couldn’t stand to see an effigy of their God Emperor and his minion getting fake murdered, so their influencers got all mad and condemned GWAR for their act for allegedly normalizing political violence. So they apparently responded by sending the band death threats, which is an act of political violence in its own right.

Never mind they’ve killed countless politicians over the years, but now was when they were fomenting violence. It was a situation that frontman Blöthar the Berserker laughed off at the time in an interview with Billboard.

“The idea that Gwar is normalizing violence is patently absurd.

“We’re not millionaires that are afraid of what people are going to say when they see what we do… Yeah, it pissed me off! We’re a group of artists that makes art, and it’s really the idea that what we have done is normalizing violence… there’s nothing normal about the violence that goes on at a GWAR show. It’s a cartoon, it’s Looney Tunes.”

Since then, GWAR’s only ratcheted up the vitriol, killing figures like now former Homeland Security secretary Kristi Noem. But that’s not to say the anger from the right has subsided at all. In fact, in an interview with The Guardian, guitarist Mike Derks (a.k.a. Balsac The Jaws Of Death) explained how the whole situation’s been frustrating and scary at the same time. He also took umbrage with a group of people who claim to be pro-First Amendment to then go on to try to censor a band like GWAR.

“In a sense, it’s just laughable, but it was scary when we were getting death threats over social media. It did get me very upset when people were trying to say: ‘Oh, you can’t do that.’ This is the country where we’re supposed to be able to do that! People were saying we can’t do it after we’d been doing it for 40 years.”

But once again the obvious should be stated: the MAGA cult is so rotten with nothing but a buncha whiny, pasty white, piss-soaked, crybabies that couldn’t take a joke if it were handed to them with soft kids’ gloves. Sure, their ideology is the catalyst for this country’s backsliding into fascism, but they’re still somehow just soft as baby shit.

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A robot dog with the head of Elon Musk that was part of an art installation at Miami Art Basel in December was seen prancing around San Francisco on Wednesday, as part of a promo for an upcoming art show.

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Not The Onion

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We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

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