[-] [email protected] 11 points 6 hours ago

Happy for you! Know how tough being homeless is, I wish you the best of luck

[-] [email protected] 5 points 7 hours ago

CW: Drugs (don't worry y'all, still sober (CBD is the hardest thing I ingested today))(also this is going to be ranty because I'm off meds and have consumed a metric fuck ton of caffeine today)

Going off anti-psychotics is such a clusterfuck, but there are some definite fun parts of the withdrawal. The one I'm most well aquatinted with being that it makes drugs fucking awesome. Well, I'm not on drugs anymore, and that made withdrawal extra hard. Normally I would just drink my way out of withdrawal, and that's how I'd handle it, but this time I handled it much more gracefully, albeit still using substances, just substances I personally feel don't breach sobriety (CBD and caffeine so I'm not burying the lead)

I got two hours of sleep last night because of the withdrawal, so I woke up feeling like shit this morning. I was drowsy and getting brain zaps from being off my meds. I felt like I couldn't do anything. But I had to go to work today, so I showed up and got the energy drink we have on tap (free caffeine, yay!). This resulted in me being straight TWEAKED but not in a fun way, I could do stuff but I was having to talk myself into it for extended periods of time. I was doing things faster than normal, but my work sucked. Well, after 2 hours of this, one of my coworkers gave me $20 to get something from the smoke shop next door to help (they were suggesting I smoke some weed again). They had seen me off my meds and on caffeine before, but last time this happened I was still smoking, so they knew I wasn't just on drugs. I must have looked particularly bad, because they asked if I had taken any Adderall before offering me the $20. I took the $20, but as I've talked about before, I can't go back to smoking weed. Out of all the drugs I've been addicted to over the years, it was one of the worst for my mental health. Well I go to the smoke shop, and along with all the other shit I would love to take but refuse to (7-OH, regular weed, Phenibut) I spot some CBD gummies. Took a couple and got back to work.

They brought me right out of the withdrawal for a bit, but not entirely. See, anti-psychotics heavily dampen your dopamine receptors, I still have my dopamine receptors with substantially lowered tolerance. The mix of CBD and caffeine straight up felt like Adderall today. I'm probably typing like I'm on Adderall. I don't even like Adderall that much, but goddamn if it isn't fun to be off the meds and taking (the softest drugs possible) drugs.

I'm taking my first dose of risperidone in ??? days tonight the second I get home (they're waiting for me there) and going the fuck to sleep until I have to wake up for work tomorrow. I'm probably going to be an entirely different person tomorrow morning. But I didn't use this time being off meds, so I actually have nothing but good decisions to come back to when I'm back on the meds. This feels like the opposite of blacking out and regretting your life choices, this is the first time I've felt this way. Literally in a week off my meds I've addressed every major issue that I've been thinking about daily for the past year, and I haven't made a fucking mess of my life. I can't go off risperidone long term without ruining my life, but goddamn if I'm not happy with how this week turned out

[-] [email protected] 2 points 7 hours ago

I've come to the conclusion that the answer is both. I'll take my meds and see how I feel about my current predicament. My reasoning for coming up with this solution is completely logical, however there would be potential consequences and pitfalls that medicated Leyla needs to think about

[-] [email protected] 4 points 8 hours ago

Day ??? of schizo med withdrawal (final day, I picked them up today) Split on whether or not I'm being rational or manic right now

[-] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Queer dating is the best

CW: SexTwo of the non-binary QTs I was talking to were already talking to each other, and we found out about this by all joining a discord with each other. Now we're doing a threesome when I have the money to leave the house lol. I haven't been laid in two fucking years, so I'm hype.

Let's see what other trouble unmedicated Leyla gets herself into this week

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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I picked up an extra shift! This is a lifesaver, since the pharmacy I can actually afford my meds from is up there. The rides to and from work are $8 total, and my anti-psychotic script is ~$8-$10. My Medicaid got turned off, so this would normally be free and a cost I don't have to worry about but now I do. I couldn't sleep until 3am last night because of not having it, I don't know how I'm going to last until Friday night without it.

Cashapp is $thenewcashtag Venmo is @thenewvenven

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

I be in situations

walter

[-] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago

More housemate shit CW: pedophilia

I just roasted the fuck out of my roommate in front of everybody for playing some hentai-brained bullshit song that makes references to "cunny" and I just lost my shit at them. They started trying to turn it around on me and the other housemates for making sexual jokes, and I just said "yeah I draw the line at being a pedophile, deal with it". This is the same person who is faking being an addict for a place to stay, constantly fucking yapping about the most mind numbing shit possible. Now that I know they're a pedophile, I'm going to have even less tolerance for their shit now.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

Oh boy I'm fucked, my Medicaid ran out. Time to see how long I can continue paying for treatment for schizophrenia without insurance ๐Ÿ™ƒ

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submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
[-] [email protected] 47 points 2 days ago

Thank God, I normally charge $20 to take off my shoes, I appreciate TSA not sneaking in a free show from me

[-] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

I wonder how this will affect meth prices

[-] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago

I'm sorry Corgi meow-hug

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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Well, I got the paycheck from when I had pneumonia and got $100 less than usual this week ๐Ÿ™ƒ I'm pretty fucked this week. Don't have any extra hours to work this week either so that sucks. I need to get to outpatient, a food bank and a few AA meetings this week (I would just do zoom meetings but the house has an in person meeting requirement). It's gonna cost about $40 because public transit can't take me to outpatient, but at least the Ubers there are cheap-ish.

Cashapp is $thenewcashtag Venmo is @thenewvenven PayPal is [email protected]

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Hey! I've been doing pretty well financially recently, I had to send a bunch of money over for rent for sober living this week and got a bunch of back rent paid (got that settled, because my relapse was just on cough medicine they didn't really care). I did fine on budgeting this week, got food and all that, got through my work week transport wise but ended up picking up some extra shifts for the end of the week. I just need money to get to and from, and that'll be about $25 for 3 days as long as public transit is working.

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

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submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Oh boy, so honestly I don't blame myself for relapsing under the circumstances I had, but I still put a lot at risk. I burnt the shit out of my throat on some food on Monday. Bad enough that I had to turn down some opiates at the hospital. I have literally been gagging on my own uvula for the whole week, unable to swallow anything but fluids, being in pain from breathing, the full 9.

Well, I tried to do the responsible thing and I bought some over the counter cough syrup. It's a shitty high at low doses, should be fine right? This was not the case. That little taste of cough medicine turned into multiple bottles of cough tablets in one night. If you've ever been on DXM or seen someone on DXM, you know that it's not an easy one to hide. The other people in sober living saw how bad I was doing and had no idea what I was on, so they were worried about having to narcan me. I was technically safe, but it was still unfair to put that stress on them, even if it was unintentional. But up until that point, I've been a really good roommate so everybody was really forgiving. I explained the situation to the house manager and as long as I can pass a drug test in a few days, and I probably should.

As far as other consequences for it goes, I gave myself bromide poisoning in one night of dosing on dextro. A very rare side effect of DXM that only comes with high doses, I have breakouts on my hairline that are literally leaking cough medicine. It's so swollen up there, it hurts to touch at all, but I finally have the energy to get it rinsed out tonight. But all my excretions reek like cough medicine, including the oily residue coming out of my head.

This was extra stupid as I'm on an SSRI, meaning I ignored my own advice on not mixing DXM with ssris because of serotonin syndrome risk. There was a chance that this relapse would have randomly sent me into a painful death and I would have been too fucked up to even call an ambulance if it happened. I was barely able to stand up, drooling and unresponsive to what was happening around me. I got lucky and didn't run into seratonin syndrome, but it was really fucking stupid. I'm lucky I still have a house and a life after this because this easily could have turned sour real quick.

40
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I'm fighting for my life every time I enter one

7
submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I have transportation to work the rest of the week, but not today, no public transit was available today. I'm worried about being able to make it to my shift today.

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

83
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Well where has sobriety taken me recently?

At work, I got an item on the upcoming fall menu. My boss ended up putting his own version of the recipe up for it, but my idea still got used, so I thought that was pretty fuckin cool. I'm also now dependable enough to get a fuckton of extra hours. I was already one of the best workers here, even when I was constantly hungover and withdrawaling, but now that I can consistently show up to shifts I'm allowed to work whatever shifts I want to. I'm gonna get overtime for the first time in forever this week

As far as home life goes, being at sober living is still awful, but I got back on the dating apps this past couple weeks and it's going really well. I've just been open about being in recovery and most of the people I talk to just think it's cool that I'm actually working on myself like that. Got some people I'm talking to more casually and a couple that I'm interested in making something happen long term with.

Medically, things are better than ever. I've only had 1 seizure since I've been sober and on seizure meds and I'm being seen by a neurologist now. I also have my appointment to start hormones next month! I can no longer help people with DIY like I used to because sober living, but I'm helping other people get it started up to replace me and that's really cool. Not that it's particularly hard to do, but having someone show you how to do it helps.

How are y'all today? :)

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submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Hey, sorry for posting here so often, I just don't know where else to go. I've had to take multiple Ubers this week, which has left me short on the weekly rent. I'm not going to get kicked out, but I have my freedoms restricted heavily, I can't go anywhere but work and AA/NA meetings, I can't even go on a walk to escape my shitty housemates. I need $150, but any amount helps

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

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LeylaLove

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