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Misogynistic trans guys keep showing up at our center? (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 months ago* by [M] to c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net
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All of these guys tend to be younger, it seems to be a new trend cause we didn't have issues like this 10 years ago. They'll come in, talk only to other gay guys, and exclude women (incl trans women) from all conversations to the point it becomes very awkward. This has happened 3 times in the past 2 years or so. We had an event recently and we had a handful of trans people show up. I tried to talk to everyone to just say hi (I'm the organizer after all) and the guy just stared at me?? Then one of the sweetest trans ladies there talked to me about how she was trying to get contact details for people so we could, y'know, be a community, and the guy apparently told her that all of his chats and local groups for trans men were men only and that they had so many issues with trans women trying to make LGBT spaces all about them so they only let trans men in. She was just looking for people to hang out with! The lack of solidarity here was shocking to me.

Maybe it's some social media thing? Over compensation? Idfk. Shits getting weird.

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[–] 15 points 2 months ago (6 children)

However, it's understandable at the same time.

Understandable for a man to be misogynistic?

There is a current issue in online queer spaces that have conflated trans men with cis men.

See I just don't get this one bit. I would love to be conflated with cis women. I am literally the same thing. Just with a birth defect. Like I understand you're NB and that's fine but like, yea no shit I want to be seen the same as cis women. I'm a woman.

Then you have the constant issue of "women and NB only spaces"

Yea I agree this is stupid. Maybe women and fem spaces would be better. Or something idk how to word it.

this person has a problem with the brain worms before coming here

No I'd say they're a misogynist/transmisogynist. I wouldn't downplay it as brainworms.

Any trans person who treats the other trans identities as a cis person is a problem.

My identity is literally the same as a cis woman. What are you saying? My identity is woman. The same as a cis woman's.

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  • [–] 11 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    Your identity is the same as a cis women but you will not experience life the same as a cis women. You face different at times worse challenges then a cis women because cis women are more protected in a intersectionality sense then trans women.

    The same is true for trans men.

    This isn't even covering the fact that while you might want to be cis. There are trans people (hello) who do not want to be cis.

    I could be wrong but I feel like there is a lot going on here for you. But I am not excusing someone going down the path of misogyny but I also do not think it is useful or honest to ignore what has been happening in queer spaces. Some of us have been trying to raise the alarm for years and have been ignored.

    This generally speaking is a place of understanding that how you feel does not change the material conditions. I have come here and pointed out the material conditions that have lead to this and yes THAT is understandable. Patriarchy isn't something that just happens because of some evil hormone, gene, or DNA. It happens through a complex society structure that enforces it. Trans men are not inherently more prone to patriarchy then anyone else. Given certain types of feminism likes to ignore the truth of women especially white women who uphold it themselves. (This has been studied to death).

    I used brainworms as a short hand cause I didn't feel like typing a novel. But it is certainly not downplaying it. Pointing at a problem and saying "we should be aware of this and fix it" is not making excuses. I mean I don't really know how one could think I was making excuses after the edit I put.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 months ago (3 children)

    Yea I agree this is stupid. Maybe women and fem spaces would be better. Or something idk how to word it.

    Depending on what theyre actually going for, marginalized genders (also called MaGes or mages) or gender oppressed covers the bases without being weird but the language is clunky

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  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    I had just assumed they were largely for women, while trying to be inclusive to people who felt (pardon my language) woman adjacent? I have never been to such a group. If it is for women and trans people then yea that sounds good to me.

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