it's hot. also i'm growing cacti from seed which is new to me and i'm excited, a few of them are sprouting now. how are you?
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
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hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:
Disaster_of_Passion (7/7 - 7/13)
sodium_nitride (7/14 - 7/20)
peanutbuttercupola* (7/21 - 7/27)
BountifulEggnog* (7/28 - 8/3)
oscardejarjayes* (8/4 - 8/10)
Seryph (8/11 - 8/17)
Shaleesh (8/18 - 8/24)
GayTuckerCarlson* (8/25 - 8/31)
* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Can I have 9/8 - 9/14? I wanna make a mega that no one will ever forget
can i please do one? i've never done one before :)
Today I gave the birds some fresh corn. The pigeons were skeptical and afraid. The sparrows loved the corn, taking single kernels and flying off with them.
Hey loves 💜
I wanted to give a little update, we made it through the hospital thanks to you all, but now my sisters and I are really struggling to find a safe place to stay. Right now we’re stuck somewhere temporary that’s not safe at all, and it’s scary not knowing what could happen next.
UNHCR told us to stay in Juba while they keep working on resettlement, but there’s no safe place here, and we can’t go back to Gorom camp because the host community doesn’t want us anymore. We’re trying to raise around $700–850 so we can get a small apartment for the four of us, with money for transport, rent, bedding, food, and the meds my sisters still need.
We’ve only raised $66 so far, so we still have a long way to go. If you can help us by donating, sharing, or even giving advice on safe places, it would mean everything to us right now. My mutual aid link is in my profile. Thank you so much for being here for us. Love you all so much. 💙🙏🏿
watching my gf play persona 5 for the first time and I'm just wondering if I could become the kind of person who drinks coffee in the evening, it sounds nice
I can drink coffee in the evening and go right to sleep, or stay up until 3am. Never sure which one it will be.
Coffee that puts you to sleep is one of those signs of adhd
damn, maybe my complexion is more summer than autumnal. I'm rocking these warm, bright colors today
work
I feel dysfunctional. The 2 hour per day commute, sitting in the office, heading to the factory, etc. etc. is just getting to me. I have to sit in quiet dim lights, with my post-work headache, and even that's not possible with the sun setting so late. God forbid I need to do shit around the house. Once the sun's down I've only got an hour until I need to sleep and do this cycle all over again. I've just been calling out as much as possible. Also terrified that I'm blacklisted from working by our lovely govt., so if I quit this might be the end.
bullshit
I have to call the therapist, which means I have to sit on the phone for hours. I really don't want to. I can't sit still that long.
I have to fill out job applications, which means they can call me back at any point, which means I need to be ready to answer. Which means I can't do anything because I need to be prepared.
I hate this. My coping skills have only gotten worse. The more I think about all this stuff the more I just want to go smoke some weed and forget about it.
I keep thinking about disappearing. If just one person had stuck around when I first started talking about killing myself, then it wouldn't be like this. I could've had a friend, support, gotten my life together.
Probably just getting high today Getting high helps me feel pretty
Spoiler
It sucks to know that there are helper friends out there, and that I am a helper friend myself, and that there's so much I would do for someone who just asked.
Like, teach me to ask. Teach me these things. I want to be like the normals. I would learn so willingly if someone would teach. You. Don't. Understand.
Idk if you reach a certain point and you lose empathy for the eggs, or you become unwilling to engage, I don't know if I'm perceived as a wrecker or just a confused boy.
I know that I feel the legitimacy of my problems. Whether you people are all secret friends with secret group chats or not, I know what I am experiencing every day, and that I need support from people who aren't waiting to be convinced of my legitimacy.
something something it's called the Left because they leave you to flounder
Spoiler
I mean it's so obvious. If I were another person and I saw me I think I'd burst into tears. I wouldn't believe that someone could be led so astray for so long, and I'd want to help.
Idk I think Hexbear is Jokerfying me. I just want to be a chill girlie with chill girlie friends. People are unkind about brain fog and dysphoria and rejection sensitivity though. I'm supposed to pull myself up, despite these things.
Like, my ideal friendship is with someone knows and understands all of this about me, and has their own plate of problems that I am learning about and accepting of as well. Friends stay aware of each other's wellness so they can help each other grow. There is back and forth, sometimes I help them and sometimes they help me. But we communicate about it.
I really think if you're too depressed to do something, a good friend (for me) is someone who is willing to step in to help. If you're too anxious to go out, they ask if they can come over. They see you when you flounder and they ask, what can I do? I really think that. Sorry if it's regarded, or petarded.
If this is intense, frankly I don't understand "low-intensity" friendships. "we watch a sport and I go home and he goes home until next week" you're describing a zoo enclosure nice try
Scrutinizing this pic my sister sent of me as a very young kid to see what kind of doll I was playing with
It looks like a girls doll! This is very important for my gender narrative!
I convinced my brother we had to dress up as girls in order to let my sister experience what its like to have sisters... also did drag every Halloween. Still didnt figure it out until way after uni lol
I saw I Saw The TV Glow Sunday finally.
Tap for spoiler
Didn't expect the movie to be so targeted. Can't imagine many cis people particularly liking it. Although not being spoiled that it's a trans movie would probably make the plot twist better. Imo, knowing it's a movie aimed at trans people alone is too much of a spoiler. Wasn't really my cup of tea. Being live-action is pretty much enough reason for me to feel that way though.
After we finished it, we turned on one of the songs that was in the movie (psychic wound by King Woman) and weirdly it seemed a lot different from what we remembered it sounding like it in the movie. Not sure if it was actually different or not. But weirdly reminded me of that part where main character is streaming the Pink Opaque and it is very different from the version that originally played.
spoiler
No, youre right, they had altered some of the songs. Maybe for the effect of seeming otherworldly yet familiar or to mirror the Pink Opaque in adult world - if she'd only kept the tapes she'd know they'd been changed :(
I've talked about it plenty but I didnt feel it particularly either. If I was an egg or closeted, Im sure it would be much more affecting. I transitioned in the real life nightmare realm so I didnt identify as much with it.
Current mood
Memory is so shit lately, can barely remember what I actually did or what's happened. Lost my headphones. Literally no clue where they could be or when I even lost them.
Also a ton of negativity bubbling
Want some virtual head pats? You'll be okay eggnog
Spoiler
Finally looking at the local queer events and I once again have a bunch of conflicts
I once again ask, how the fuck and when the fuck am I supposed to be making friends
I really need there to be explicit "well, I guess that makes us friends" kinds of moments or, I shit you not, I will not make any inferences from the interaction. I'll assume you meant well but would ultimately rather never see me again.
If you indicate that you will see me around, or express interest in future plans, that's pretty clear too, although if we don't set it up then, I don't really know if you meant it. I myself don't feel this agency in most situations, because I assume that the other person is more in the position to say "I like this person, the interaction shall continue". Like I have less of an opinion, somehow, or less of a say?
I can't do the lonely thing my whole life like some people can. This is gonna whittle me down.
spoiler
I had told you once a while ago, but imagine you meet someone with your same attitude. Looking for a friend, a deep friend, a daily texting friend, going to events friend, checking in friend, who likes most of the same stuff you do - you two could never actually become friends because you'll both assume the other doesnt want to hang out and won't text each other first! It is scary, there is a lot of vulnerability, you might have had bad history with it, but you do have to initiate conversations sometimes. Passivity will not get what you seem to want, which does suck - I wanna empathize I understand the fear.
Also, youre older in college right? Gen Z has a lot of anxiety - at least what I've noticed. They have issues reaching out and are often lonely too. I guess you must feel quite strange sometimes among younger people. There probably is a group for >25 year old at college, maybe not that explicit. When I went back for my nursing degree, I definitely had an easier time connecting with other people in their 30s or late 20s. I hope you can find some people you can vibe with and trust and feel connected too.
Spoiler
I don't know how to initiate, I can say about two words before I either get brain fog or sentences like "you girl, can I be gender like you? I want to be in the friend way of it"
Like I will stand there and stare at the person until the interaction ends. I do not know what to say, frequently.
I've never seen cacti sprouts before. They're so cute! 
because they grow down underneath their parents they don't need very much light and they need lots of humidity, which is throwing me off completely from how i'm used to cacti working
Coffee coffee
Black coffee, Brown coffee
Make rumbly in my tummy 
Make my head feel funny 
Coffee coffee
A cup of no good coffee 
Not sweet like toffee
Not creamy Not dreamy
Coffee coffee
taken at 23*
I feel like puking 
*hour of the day, 11 PM
The above is an expression of my pain and suffering from having drunk a full glass of black coffee at 11 PM.
Forgive the lack of proper structure, I was a C student in English class.
come on now, this poem is at least a B-!
Henlo mega thread. I am nonbinary
Learning all the counties of England 
Names like Blechly-under-Bippity, Stabbordfordshire, Ekket
about to eat some really spicy noodles, if I never post again yall know what happened 😔
Ireland might be immune to climate change because we still get shitty overcast days every fucking day all June. I think I managed to get to the beach once this month. Praying for sunnier days in july
I went to Ireland a while ago, I was at a museum in Cork (after kissing the blarney stone, I ain't going to Ireland without kissing the fucking stone) - there was a video exhibit on Artaud. A nice gentleman sat next to me, we watched it and chatted afterward.
He said "I think Artaud went crazy and started carrying around a Sheleligh because of the weather" - and honestly, he mgihtve been right lol. Artaud was a French playwright. No way that continental disposition could handle Irish weather
dublin has been unbearably hot the last few weeks lol not feeling this way at all. still among the coolest cities in western europe atm 
down with cis
down with cis
CW for Government Transphbia
Apparently the state department is intentionally defying the court order to let trans people have correct gender markers. Past few weeks have been pretty tough and I keep catching L's. I can't wait until I get that shit in the mail and have yet another emotional episode about it. Im mostly angry at myself because none of the bad stuff would be happening if I just stopped fucking up all the time.
The new blue sugar free monster tastes fucking amazing and I can't get enough of it.
I recently went to get a new state ID because mine old one had expired, and they gave me the option of choosing male/female/nonbinary. Is this thing you're speaking of happening when you go back to change it?
I sadly didn't say I'm nonbinary because of fear of mistreatment.
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