spoiler
Those are called protective factors and its actually a good thing, not failure. You obviously have suicidal thoughts/ideation and it sounds like youre along the path of making a method and plan. Wanting to stay for your little brother is a protective factor, not an excuse.
When I was at my worst, I had a method, plan, and time. The only that kept me from it was not wanting someone else to find my body, and that my ex wouldnt take care of our cats (like litterbox or feeding). This is not failure, these are protective factors.
The way youve talked about it is close to someone who is actively bleeding or has a visible tumor. And if I tell you to see a team to get a handle of it, maybe emergency care, and you say no its not that bad. This is like having a visible tumor and saying "eh its not that bad." If you can't or won't see a doctor about it, there are things you can do on your own - but this is getting close to putting bandaids on a tumor. You have to prioritize good sleep, 8 hours, and getting it every single day - even if youre busy or whatever, sleep has got to start coming first in your priority list. You have to eat healthy. You have to start recognizing these cycles of automatic thoughts, and working on alternate supportive thoughts. If you dont know how to, I would redirect you to see a therapist or doctor

Yeah cause most likely you need to go back. The proverbial wound reopened and you gotta be seen to help deal with that.
What you said in your deleted comment is therapist worthy.