even if the most i ever accomplish in my life is being the goth girl that teenage me thought would never happen, that's still pretty good tbh
this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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If I met 15 year old me, the question I'd ask myself would be "how did you get shorter the fuck?"
That's great alone and, besides, you've probably accomplished a lot, but don't realize the half of it.
IMHO.
Over the last several weeks, I've been talking a lot with my two closest friends. They're both trans femmes and they've been really great to me. They've been listening so closely to me working out over two decades of bottled up trauma and never seemed to get tired of it. I feel like such an unimaginable weight has been lifted
And the whole time I look back on that time I am absolutely baffled and astounded that they bit their tongues and never told me the most obvious thing on earth
Good afternoon, [email protected]. I made it :)
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[CW: Doomer posting about R*ddit trans communities]
become curious
decide to lurk trans subreddits once again
have immediate regrets
Never going back to that site ever again, even just to lurk. It's insane how awful people are...
I'm baffled by how transphobic some trans people are, even in seemingly "welcoming" spaces.
It's a known issue that cissies lurk trans subreddits and boost the good assimilationists
ban cis
Extremely depressing how quick some of them are to throw fellow trans people under the bus to score imaginary points with cis people.
I'm baffled by how some people can be so staunchly convicted in being overtly hypocritical.
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honestly, right now I don't even consider myself "trans", just "not cis" it doesn't feel like much, but honestly I can't understate what a huge effect telling myself that has had on me. It's been not even 4 days since the egg cracked and I've already found myself just... so happy. Twice I've randomly just teared up while driving around. I looked in the mirror and actually smiled at what I saw. I honest to god don't think I've ever even done that before :)
I can't even type the same anymore. I keep putting little heart emojis and :) smileys in everything and it's great! πππ
I always got so disappointed getting my hair cut. I always felt like I had to get it cut shorter than I wanted and it ended up even shorter afterwards. Whenever I showed people afterwords, I almost felt hurt when they said how nice it looked
Now I don't even have to go back to get my hair cut until next year :))). maybe it can wait even longer? who knows???
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Go to Nordstrom Rack.
Clerk asks to sign up for membership.
Say yes.
Give name, email, phone number.
Go home.
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue.
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue?
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue!!
[checks the pronouns] okay this is an epic W
Was at the hormone clinic yesterday and saw atleast two other cute girls 
didnt say anything because they were talking with each other and didnt want to intrude
also a doctor told me that my rainbow keffiyeh was pretty 
taking my estrogen rn
Hey, me too! Only reason why Mondays kinda kick ass.
Considering introducing myself at the local trans discord but I'm afraid of being perceived
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just done with my skincare routine against laser face. it's a lot less severe this time, i'm 8 sessions in and at the point were the only real painful part is the upper lip, even the edges of my chin that used to be the absolute worst have become a minor nuisance by now
picked up a friend from the hospital after her second round of bottom surgery yesterday. she's still a bit fatigued, but everything went fine and she's extremely happy with the results. The trans joy she radiated was so contagious, it felt good to be a tiny part of that experience and to be there for her.
also i miss my gal pal, she's so sweet and caring and i feel so good around her. i've never had anybody make me feel so secure.
CW: transphobic policy and other anxiety provoking things.
Just need to rant and be heard by my comrades for a min. If you get anxiety or panic attacks from the worry of conservative's rabid pursuit of exterminating us, don't read this and get yourself wound up - I know that reading these things fucks me up.
Been getting a lot of severe anxiety about the plan 2025 stuff, though I haven't actually read it or watched Second Thought's video on it. Part of me is wondering why it's not being covered more. I generally see chuds and the people who go off about us as folks that couldn't organize their way out of a wet paper bag, I mean just look at the boarder convoy. Jan 6 was another one, they possess nothing beyond their grievance politics, and they have no ideology or clear cut objectives let alone organization. If they had these things in place, they may have actually succeeded in an overthrow. But it seems that this 2025 thing is actual policy planners, probably the same cadre of sick fucks that worked on Roe v. Wade for the past several decades.
Then I vacillate between these issues and climate change, I can't even see a temperature chart without feeling like I could throw up and God help me if I look at the doomer con.
I want to get the fuck out of the US, but I feel my spouse can't handle doing something like that. Truth be told, I was in a war once and it fucked me up - I don't want to do this shit again, especially in my own home town. God damn them all to hell.
If you've read this, thanks for hearing me out. I love you, you are beautiful, and you are worthy of love and respect.
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i wonder if getting the estrogen will help me with my lack of motivation
in my experience: it helps some, but you may want to look into stimulants
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bit idea: a chain smoking trans girl who wants to change her name to nicorette
I have learned to care for my hair well enough to actually get compliments from women over it. Which makes me very happy.
Was kinda difficult too, since very few hairdressers here have any knowledge of how to care for my hairtype. I got a bunch of wrong and harmful "tips" till I found someone who could actually help me.
Now I just need to learn how to style it in more ways than just leaving it open, or having a ponytail.
Anyone have a good information on very curly blond hair? I feel like braiding it would diminish it's qualities. I like having natural corkscrews.
In some other ways I feel like I am stagnating in my transition, but I also feel that I should not be putting pressure on myself, things are moving, if slowly.
Life is going really well this week (well, big asterisk, cause ill probs be homeless come end of march) and ive been connecting with people and like having a lovely time being social. Idk having people who you like being around is really nice. Went to the local t4t night at a bar that is i think a socialist bar, which was fun. Went with some friends and just hung out and talked, which was really enjoyable, even if my anxiety was through the roof the entire time.
Life is just wonderful right now, even if I have no job prospects and all the housing ads i respond to say nah.
I also started P a week ago, which has been really nice and stabilized my mood a bit. Ive also been debating compounding my own P, but im afraid of ordering a kg of white powder to my door lol.
Its also my birthday soon which i have such mixed feelings about.
Hiiii, hows it going? I hope everyone is/will have a great week. π₯°π₯°π₯°π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈββ§οΈπ₯°π₯°π₯°
Made some progress on my legal name change!!! Just need a letter from my psych now
Hi. :3 My head hurts.
Your weekly post
transphobia, sad, family
I wanna cry, still years away from getting to somewhere I could transition, and I have no solid plans, waiting for things to get more stable before I even really plan too far.
it hurts knowing I'm gonna be cutting off family, interacting with them is, difficult now too, there's a feeling in the back of my head telling me how disgusting they'd think I am and how they'd reject me if they knew, and it's very hard to ignore and to just interact normally, the "love" and care they give me feels hollow and just not real, knowing that it's conditional on me pretending to be cis and hetero and fitting what they think I should be
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Chat, I am in fear. The goodreads lady actually messaged me on Discord and it's terrifying: she has read The Last Girl Scout. She knows who Torrey Peters is. She even had Unjust Depths on her to-be-read list already!!!!! 
I was unprepared to find someone who knows about this type of shit. I'm gonna Improve My Understanding when I quit having panic attacks about it.
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I have managed to speak on cringe Goodreads with another trans woman about the specific subsection of freakish trans literary fiction novels over which I have brainworms. This is arguably the first external, independent acknowledgement I've received that I did not simply invent the connections between them as a result of psychosis or something.
It's ALL fucking Nevada, trust me sis.
Oh, she also said she uses my Goodreads to find a lot of these books in the first place, thereby proving that I am in fact the foremost specialist in this nonexistent field of study. It's mine.
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Bought the electric shaver, doesn't cut as much hair as my safety razor or the straight blade, but it's also quick and doesn't leave red spots on my face, beats looking like Jamiroquai in Virtual insanity
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_Salani
Just heard about this person for the first time
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