“My method is I read an article about something, you know, and I get convinced that, oh, I gotta have this stuff,” he said. “And then I get it and then six months later I’m still taking it. I don’t remember what the article said. So, I end up with a big crate of vitamins that I’m taking, and I don’t even know why.”

This is the guy in charge of our entire health system

absolutely incredible stuff

What really jumped out is fucking vitamin C. It's an absolutely pointless supplement for people who aren't on sea voyages in the 16th century. Just eat a raw orange or something.

This is astonishingly funny.

This wouldn't even work in an onion article because the complete absence of subtlety would be too jarring.

You could replace every pill in this man's cabinet with jellybeans and improve his health by 60% overnight

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This is almost verbatim a Marc Maron bit

If it works for the president it will work for your loony ass, now eat the fucking meat loaf!

Well, that didn't work out for the dilbert guy

They'll be studying his body in a thousand years like the Egyptian mummies.

They can skip the embalming and just chuck him under some glass after he croaks

He will become our reality's first living ghoul

I’m half his age and I have no doubt he’ll outlast me

When was the last time he even had warm fries? You know hes not going with them to get it, its always delivered. That stuff isn't even mid and he always gets luke warm limp fries lmao

I know I'm a whopping 4 days late to this, but I always assumed the White House had frozen ingredients delivered from a McDonald's warehouse, were inspected on site, and then prepared by a White House chef (with fast food equipment purchased just for our big beautiful slop boy) and put in the shitty cardboard and logo'd paper baggie fresh for in house delivery.

But when it's bulk fast food for other people? Yeah I bet they get the coldest saddest food possible.