Asklemmy

During lockdown I was jogging my usual route and passed someone walking in full plague doctor getup. Thinking “that’s kinda odd” I turned the corner and almost ran into a lady rollerskating backward entirely in the nude. I live in Florida and see weird shit somewhat frequently but that particular run stands out in my mind.

Weird?

A full on ceremonial magic ritual. Weird because they just rolled up in a van, started unpacking things, did it, then packed back up and left. It was obviously well planned and organized. When I asked one of them what was going on, and the initial response was nervous, I explained that I have no problem with it, just curious, and another one said that just didn't have the time to explain, but I'd thank them for it if they did.

A small orgy. Weird because you don't expect it in public.

A line of young men marching in clown shoes, and nothing else. Frat initiation. Dong was flapping. I don't think it needs explaining why it's weird.

Three drunk rednecks who lost a bet pulling up to a leather and cowboy gay bar and asking if there was anyone that would spank them. I volunteered gladly. I then spanked them and told them if they ever tried to start trouble anywhere I worked, I'd fucking curb stomp them. One of the most entertaining events in my entire time bouncing that particular bar.

Weird but disturbing, a bunch of people hovering over someone trying to figure out if she was dead or not. Not trying to help, not doing anything at all other than debating if she was breathing. Weird because wtf, you assholes. Also why it was disturbing. Woman was drunk off her ass, passed out, and was likely damn close to death because she was hypothermic. Cold to the touch, and the EMTs said she was in rough shape overall. And yes, I had to make the call to 911, none of the assholes could be bothered, and cell phones were present.

I can keep going, I'm 50, and spent a lot of my years in jobs that had me out in public a good bit lol. You live long enough, you accrue a book worth of weird shit people do in public (and private).

A few.

I was in San Juan once and, walking back to my cruise ship, saw a van jump a curb, slam into a police vehicle, and then the driver hopped out and jumped off the pier into the ocean.

The first time I visited Los Angeles and saw literal garbage piled 2-3 feet high on public sidewalks. In the days after I saw the tent cities. (I'm from Kansas City, where garbage is very well managed and tent cities are a rarity.)

I once saw a very tall, dark shape in the woods getting chased by cows. It might have been Bigfoot. It might have been a bear or a deer that reared up on its hind legs. It was too far away for me to say for sure.

I've probably seen weirder, but this one was pretty funny:
I rode my bike along a huge river in a big city in Germany. It was already dark and my light was broken. In front of me I saw something blinking brightly coming at me. As it came closer I realized it was a guy on a bike that had lots of lights and reflectors attached to both the bike and the guy. He wore a light on his helmet, on his arms and his thigh. As he passed by me he looked at me super grumpy and said:
"How about some light?!"

The DC Metro system has no public bathrooms. This causes problems, if you can imagine. I was starting my first week of work in Silver Spring, and as I was exiting the station, there was a woman in leather spandex stirrup pants yelling at the station manager she needed to use the bathroom. The station manager told her "we don't have bathrooms, lady." Back and forth as I passed them. Then the woman just said, "A-IIGHT!" backed up, pulled down the spandex, pulled aside her thong, squatted, and dropped a huge, coiling log right in front of the turnstiles.

We had a homeless (?) guy named "Gandalf." he was named that because he wore a stadium jacket with a broken zipper, tied at the waist with a rope, big floppy hat, and a cane. Used to rant in tongues. Near where I worked was the (now former) Discovery Building, and during "Shark Week," they put a HUGE inflatable shark "through" the building (head on one side, tail on the other. This thing was stories high). Gandalf used to spend time across the street, shouting biblical phrases at it like he was banishing some demon. Thanks for keeping us safe, Gandalf.

Before they build the STSS, there were "gangster types" that would hang around, gun handles poking from their waistbands. That stopped the DAY after football player Plaxico Burress nearly shot his dick off in a nightclub by having his gun stored in a similar way. Never saw guys flashing their gun like that since.

Two things really stand out to me.

I saw a unicyclist swerve and nearly wipe out avoiding a lamp post that he didn't notice because he was looking at his phone.

I saw a goth dwarf scramble for safety in a service station forecourt because an oblivious woman was driving straight at him.

The CEO of a medical insurance company got assassinated. The weirdest thing about it? I didn't see shit.

Saw someone taking a dump next to a "no dumping sign"

A guy with his penis out in Guildford. I couldn't believe my eyes at first but then I turned around and walked away, as other people did

I’m sure I’ve seen weirder shit, but right now all I can think of is a literal truckload of bread. I mean a pick-up truck full to the brim with bread just loosely tossed in the back. I do not mean bread packaged in cases. WHY.

It was in a parking lot at a Walmart.

About 30 bull penises dried out on a blanket on a sidewalk for sale in china

It dawned on me that I could buy a bag full and hand someone a literal bag of dicks

Heading to work one morning in the car after a heavy snowfall. I started at 9 so it was a bright sunny morning. Before hitting the main road I see a woman in the distance on the side of the road wearing a long blue dress. As I get closer I see her not even wearing a jacket, holding her dress up awkwardly out of the snow and taking huge steps through the foot deep snow. It was Emilia Clark (or someone who looked exactly like her) in her full ass Daenerys blue dress trudging through snow running for a bus stop and laughing her ass off at people like me gawking at her.

It was probably a year or two before they filmed the last season and I'm certain they didn't film it here (they do film a lot of other series here though), so I'm assuming they were doing photoshoots nearby and she had car trouble due to the snow.

I'm from the Detroit area and spend a lot of time in the city. In the late 90s and early 2000's, I seen't some shit.

-Guy in a wheelchair with no legs having sex with a prostitute in the street. -A guy pulled a tooth out of his mouth and threw it at my car. -I saw a guy get shot in the stomach at a gas station over some sort of argument, -Countless people pooping in public. -A guy dressed up as a power ranger walking the streets. -A really fat guy slip on ice and his pants fell down and his entire giant ass crack was exposed. -A guy who lived in a school bus who had a pet goat. He was called goat boy. The goat was stolen and murdered.

A bus that couldn't get over a small incline because of fresh snow on top of ice and had to be pushed by the passengers and pedestrians. It's odd because it happened in Europe in a city where buses are particularly well-maintained.

Coke deal while at a has-been band concert. I was just minding my own biz while going for beer, lock eyes with two dudes, and then I notice one of em has a white brick in his hand, giving it to the other guy.

Turned away and went for the beers. Nothing major happened.

Other responses reminded me of two others: 1. I was walking from my college building to the gas station for smokes and a cup of coffee, and I noticed there was a lady dozing on the sidewalk. Bought my stuff and was walking back, when I see the lady squatting over where she was sleeping, laying a log.

2. Walking through the nicest part of the downtown area, can't remember why. It was sunny, humid, and very warm (30-35C). Underneath an overhang, I walked past a dude jacking off while sniffing glue.

I once saw a car make a slow left turn, and both its right-side hubcaps kept going straight.

Probably not the weirdest but it’s one I never understood: there was this guy who parked on the side of a path in the field, had his window open (during winter), sat in the car and watched Instagram reels of women (maybe only one specific I don’t know) and he connected his phone to the car speakers so he could turn the volume up to 11 for everyone passing by to hear. Ok, whatever, I thought. But he kept turning up almost every day and did the same thing. Sometimes he stood outside his car and leaned on the roof with his phone. At some point he even got a large tripod for his phone so he didn’t need to hold it anymore and just stood there, watching it for hours. I used to walk past him many times with my dog so I had a good feeling of how often and how long he was there.

I still wonder what his obsession was with these Insta reels and why he needed to blast it into everyone’s ears in the cold instead of watching this stuff at home. The guy clearly had mental issues which is sad of course. I’m not the type to just ask a stranger what he’s doing so I never found out.

I worked at hockey arenas for a long time. Went out to put the garbage in the dumpster on night to two people fucking right there. They didn't bother stopping and I just chucked the garbage in the bin and fucked off.

Oddly enough about a week later walking home I saw a chick giving a guy head as he drove down the street. It was an odd week.

Walking on Dartmoor one cold, gray and rainy winter's morning.

A young man in a sodden T-shirt and shorts emerged out of the mist on the same moorland path I was on. He was carrying a tesco carrier bag with a ram's skull sticking out and what looked to be the spine stuffed into it.

Sheep die out there all the time so it was probably a chance find - but walking in what were difficult conditions so poorly dressed, but with a carrier bag...? I still wonder what he was going to do with his prize.

Oh, and that time when I drove around a corner to find five pirates pushing a horse and carriage up a hill. (It was a themed wedding and the horse was slipping on the way to the reception so the followers got out of their cars and helped push - but it earned a second glance)

Greenville, NC in a Walgreens, around 2013. A man who looked like, or could well have been Gary Busey, in a leather jacket, in a pile of talcum powder on the floor, was picking up handfuls of powder and snorting them.

Grown adult shitting on a sidewalk. Hooray SF.

On a late night train ride a man sat down and was looking at himself in the reflection of the glass. He just says "You judging me?" The three of us just fucking glued ourselves to our phones. It's a fun story now because it was so bizarre, but it was very worrying at the time. In the moment I think we weren't certain if he was talking to us or not.

Just by random chance, I saw a Toynbee tile in the street in St. Louis. I'd heard about the mystery on the Internet, and was quite excited to see one in person.

Oh, I also saw Thong Cape Scooter Man several times.

I once saw a city bus that had a whole bus-wide and bus-long dolly attached to the side of it full of movie cameras and studio lighting aimed into the bus windows, just driving down the public road taking up both Southbound lanes (4 lane road) with no police escort or anything.

My friend on acid walking into a building and then making the absolute loudest most evil sounding laugh imaginable that echoed throughout the entire area

Junkie sleeping on a street on his face and chest, legs hanging over him in an arc having his shoe heals next to his ears.

I saw a man walking down the street walking a parrot on a leash. I guess he didn't want it flying away.