You mean 'Creepy Uncle Touchy', the paedophile formerly known as Donald Trump.

I will accept this burden.

A can of flavoured tuna, along with some grilled eggplant, chopped zucchini and avocado.

Sock/sock shoe/shoe. Because having one foot warmer than the other while I'm tying my laces is unreasonably annoying.

Same reason the USA has 'United' in its name.

A strobe light triggering an epileptic seizure, maybe? There was that one episode of the Pokemon cartoon that sent 600 people to the hospital.

I've accidentally trained my boy cat to expect cuddles while I heat something in the microwave. Since I'm waiting, I often pick him up and stroke his head. Now I can expect to find a cat weaving around my feet and making demands when he hears me press the door release button.

New Zealand here. The most traditional Pacific Island foods are cooked in an earth oven - cover the food in tinfoil, wrap it in wet sacks, place it on hot stones in a hole you've dug, then cover it with earth until enough time has passed to cook it. Chances are you won't find that in a restaurant, so I'm going to recommend our favourite dip. Take one can reduced cream (like condensed milk but thicker and unsweetened) and mix thoroughly with one packet dehydrated onion soup. Cover with film and leave in the fridge for an hour to set. Simple!

For an album I'm going to recommend We Rise by alt-metal band Devilskin. It's uniformly good and singer Jenny Skulander has a powerful voice.

For a book, try Gideon the Ninth by Tamsin Muir. Sci-Fantasy necromancers in space. How can you go wrong?

In return I cast Permanently Itchy Butthole.

"Hey, what's this white stuff bubbling up from underground near all this mining waste? I think I'll taste it..."

If I hadn't somehow clicked right on it when enlarging the pic, I never would have seen it.

Subscribe.