I dyed my hair dark, metallic purple tonight. I payed for it in significant soreness, but the results say that it was worth it. The dye worked very well with my natural hair color so I’m super happy.

AFAB and AMAB is too often used as an adjective, when it should be used as a verb phrase (assigned x at birth). In other words, it belongs after the noun, not before.

AMAB woman - "assigned male at birth woman"

woman AMAB - "woman [that was] assigned male at birth"

By re-iterating that these acronyms are verb phrases and thus actions, we can re-emphasize the social construction of AMAB/AFAB and combat the tendency to use these acronyms as a way to simply misgender trans people.

Telling my wife she is cute:

She says "no":

Just want to say: huge thanks to the mods and admins for adding my pronouns

cis people are kinda bullshit to be honest. like, i have nothing against them but you mean you popped out and felt everything was just fine, you got the soft skin and the girl shape and the hormones and the bottom parts all the way you wanted them without any effort? bullshit, i have to work for that. cis people are cheating

a few days ago at the mosque two were talking about me like

"why is there a girl over there?"

"I think her dad brought her with him"

"She's way too old for that"

I’m so happy I got bottom surgery. For the multitude of reasons mentioned prior and the following.

Life is great :>

I got my hair cut today and I'm really proud

Last time I got a haircut was about three months ago, and it was kinda fem-leaning androgynous (mostly because it's long). It was so important to me to have that shield of androgyny. In case people looked weirdly at me or something I would always have the excuse of just being a "naturally" feminine guy and not trying to be perceived as a woman or anything scary like that.

Today I got something way more explicitly feminine, because I don't feel like I need that excuse any more, and I can just live as myself.

Also the haircut is very cute.

I'm kinda starting to accept the idea that I might not be a guy (crazy I know, a they/them who's been posting in the trans mega for like two months + reads every comment might not be cis). I still swing back and forth but I think a lot of its cope. I don't fully know exactly what I want but I'm really leaning towards being femme in some capacity. Not sure if that'll be a fem enby or a transwoman.

I really wish I could try more clothes. I'm actually crying because I can't. I don't know how I'd feel but it'd be nice to try.

What do I even do hexbear. I'm lost. Any advice/articles/videos would be appreciated. (not even just about not being able to do anything, just in general about self realization too)

I feel like I can't "do" anything about it. Can't get clothes, can't try makeup, etc. I suppose I could change my pronouns here but I'd just feel like a fake.

gotta have some dysphoria posting, ya know?

I'm so incredibly tall Like I'm quite tall for a guy but there's basically no women who are this tall. I'll be instantly clocked forever I just want to be petite and cute.

Sorry this is so disjointed that's how my brain is working right now. A few loosely connected thoughts.

I've been told this can be a trans thing but my "derealization/depersonalization" (if that's what this feeling is) has been ramping up the last couple of days. Almost everything I do I just have no faith actually happened. I'll get up, lock my door, sit back down and wonder "did I really lock the door?" or I'll have a conversation and be like "did that really happen?". Like this has always been a bit of background noise (if that makes sense) but I feel like it's getting worse/more noticeable.

Seeing a new psychiatrist and getting gender euphoria from her using my chosen pronouns. Planning to order my first dress this week :) Everything is great

Listening to transfemmes describe their 2nd puberty makes me think of my first (and so far only but that will change someday ). Like... maybe I should have taken more opportunities to cry. I find it so difficult to cry.

I don't know if any of you can relate but sometimes I wish I was a girl 👉👈

came out to one of my last good RL friends from back in the day felt really awesome

going to see her later this week and don't really have anything to mask anymore

slowly educating my parents for the inevitable. they're shitlibs and misguided my mom sounds like a TERF sometimes but honestly she's just clueless. like she supports trans kids but is weird about transfemmes. she was like "look at these people i work with on facebook and their wedding"

and i was like "looks like a nice lesbian wedding"

and she goes "but that's a guy!"

"no it's two women"

"but she has a penis!" (i was impressed how she didn't misgender after i said that. shitlib not chud)

"yeah it's a woman with a penis so what"

and that was the end of that. need more time. still got 6 mos to a year before i get this rolling

I am completly isolated where I am right now, and it's doing a number on my mental state, hopefully that won't negatively impact my transition. Can't imagine emotional lability is easier to handle like that, though mayve the positive effects of HRT will give me the energy to attempt, once again, to find local friends. We'll see, I guess

I looked in the mirror today and actually enjoyed it. Combination of flannel shirt + n95 mask covering half my face + messy mullet hairstyle felt pretty masc and gave me gender euphoria.

It's funny, ze/zir is basically a letter off from ze/hir and yet it still feels like there's a mile of difference to me.

(Admittedly a lot of it has to do with the fact that "hir" feels a bit too close to "her" for me)

I told my roommate that I am trans, for context, we are currently looking for a new place together.

And I am not sure she reacted well, when I told her that I am already on HRT, she told me to be very careful, with transition, and also to not always believe what psychiatrists tell me(she thought, that I thought that I am trans because someone else told me so). Also that she has some good documentaries about trans people if I am interested (I am not interested, for the record. I can't imagine that kinda stuff being any good)

Also she didn't want me telling possible future roommates that I am trans "as it isn't visible yet anyway", and that she doen't tell everyone that she is bi as well. But it is going to visible soon? I also don't want to hide. And I very much don't want to risk getting a transphobic roommate. (which is why I told her, to decide if it's a good idea to move together with her)

So are these red flags, or am I imagining things, and that is just the usual cis attitude to things?

Sometimes I feel like I'm faking. But then I remember all it took for my egg to crack was seeing trans women lol. I was so sheltered I had never seen any and thought my gender was immutable. Now that I've accepted myself I just wake up feeling she/they, and masking as he/him for transphobic family members feels like such a chore :/

Was doing a finals exam, I rested on my face after I finished the sheet and some prof told me "hey daughter don't cry just finish the test and you can go home to rest" and I'm just sitting there with facial hair and unmaintained hair (finals do that to you)

Feeling better this week. Intrusive thoughts are better since last week but still there... but I'm dealing with it better (a friend here shared with me some resources that REALLY helped ❤️).

Separately, I also got my levels back and they are Ok. T is suppressed at 22 ng/Mol or whatever and estrogen is at like 160 trough value which isn't super high but it's seemingly working for me. I am thinking about getting on the patch though honestly.

Sorta tried coming out a bit to one of my moms this weekend. She had made a comment about us (including my brother and my cousin) being uncles soonish and my brother (whom I'm out to) made a comment to encourage me to say something. So I mentioned I don't want to be called that and she asked if I'd rather be called an aunt, sorta mockingly. I don't think she realized I was being serious and later used uncle to refer to us again.

I really try not to sadpost too much, maybe I'm failing in that.

Still feeling the high from buying my new summer wardrobe Saturday. I'm evolving onto one of those gosh danged fashion transes.

god it's only been 2 weeks and now i have girl brain and girl emotions and fun feelings in my chest. and even an apartment i can move into in 3 weeks with another trans woman as a roommate??? oh wow this is what optimism for the future is like???

injection #2 this morning :). finally starting to feel the emotional changes and oh wow this is nice :)))))))))))))

I want to try out estrogen without permanent effects (mostly breast growth) to see how it feels and have been looking into options. I want to see how it changes my emotions and, if I'm lucky, my skin, face, hips, hair, and body hair.

It seems like there are a few SERMs out there that can be taken alongside HRT to limit breast growth. Another option is just a very low dose if I'm just 'trying it out' for a few months.

Might make an appointment for a local gender clinic and see what options are available.

My boobs have been extremely sore the last couple of days. It has made sleeping on my side extremely difficult and I'm not really enjoying it. I just started being able to sleep on my side after surgery too. I do hope that they're growing still and this is the side effect of it all.

Been using finasteride, derma rollers and rosemary oil for the past 10 months now to try and bring back the hair to my temples. Didn't seem to be doing much, but now I'm noticing some new hairs appearing in that area! I'm sure the estrogen is also helping. I just hope all of this will be enough to fix my hairline, otherwise I'll have to add yet another expensive surgery to my to-do list

I usually sad post about being trans, but I've actually been feeling pretty good about it today. It's hard to explain. It's not that I'm happy with being a guy, but the idea of being transfem hasn't seemed so bad.

I don't know just thought it was worth sharing something positive.

Thank you everyone who has helped comfort me when I'm feeling sad, I know I don't respond to everyone but I always appreciate it a lot.

I have somehow managed to avoid trans broken arm syndrome completely during my entire five year crusade to get my chronic pain treated. Good shit

Can cyproterone acetate contribute to fatigue or chronic pain though? No, right? That'd be fuckin silly.

A work colleague is writing his thesis and doing a survey, including asking for sex. he made a attack helicopter joke while talking about it, a grown ass man with a kid that goes to school. It was so awkward, nobody laughed, the second hand cringe was unbearable.

Anyone have experience with migraines and feminizing HRT? Got crushed by one this morning.

Mine aren't horrible compared to a lot of people, but they've started to get noticeably worse since I began HRT. Apparently they can be caused by drops in estrogen levels, and today was my injection day, so maybe it's related? If it becomes a regular thing I'm probably switching back to a 5-day injection schedule to avoid some fluctuations. I changed it to 6 days because E levels were way higher than necessary, but I could just lower the dose instead.

Also, I've always seen migraine aura in the same pattern on the left side of my vision since middle school, but sometime after starting HRT I suddenly began to see the aura on the opposite side of my vision instead, which feels incredibly weird.

Malefail? yeah i failed at being male so damn hard, it was embarrassing