i keep looking in the mirror and thinking how much i don't look like a girl, but i always immediately follow that thought up with "yeah and imagine how funny it's going to be in the before and after pics when you're the cutest girl in this hemisphere" and immediately start giggling to myself

Me 4(+) years ago: I want to be more feminine. I want to be "mistaken" for a girl.

[Does fuck all, except having these thoughts for years]

Me now: I'm trans.

Wow, well done Edward for finally internalising this. Too bad the younger you would write about this in your notebook and then throw it out, not like we would ever want it later would we?

Now what Edward? Time for change, or do we just continue with the same policy.

Feeling really good today largely from all the support I've gotten here lately.

Thank you everyone

no one at the lesbian bar even looked at me, I don’t think I’ve felt this sad in a long time. I guess i could have approached people or I was supposed to become a “regular” but why is it always the social anxious alone people who have to approach others? It wasn’t like I looked like a cis man fetishizer or something, I had a trans bracelet and a pronoun pin on and one of the gayest outfits I had on

"am i really trans?" i don't know what it means to be "really trans" but calling myself a girl in my head is the first time in 20+ years i have ever respected myself so fuck it I'll keep doing it

I may be trans, I think, but idk

Before I decided to transition, I was nervous that if I did it would change "me", but actually the opposite has happened. I realised earlier this week that I feel more like myself than I have in years. This is how I used to be before. Me without all the pretending and bitterness and fear and all the other bs that hid away the person I actually am.

It's nice. I used to like the person I was, and I'm realising that's always been me, just hiding away under a bunch of failed coping mechanism. I supressed so much of my behaviours and wants because they weren't "masculine". I'm not changing into someone else, I'm finally able to be my authentic self, and it's amazing to recognize that part of myself after so many years of denying it.

Yesterday, I felt gender euphoria for the first time in ages. My hair is constantly getting longer and longer, and my freeform dreads looked in a way that made me feel much more feminine than usual. I'm also 6 months into HRT, and I'm just noticing changes that are there, but I can't quite pinpoint what they are. My eyes are definitely seeing things differently. It was a good vibe even though I still have quite a long way to go before I'm truly as feminine as I want to be. It definitely, at the very least, is a nice break from how much I've been hating how "mannish" my eyes have been perceiving myself recently.

It was a little jarring to get together with some of my guy friends and they were talking about weight/lifting and then they started teasing me for being small (I'm objectively not). I never realized how much being large was tied up in masculinity. Like obviously being tall would be, but I didn't realize how much weight was. They all just wanted to bulk up and get huge.

...and I just don't.

Whyyy am I dysphoic about my face this week. I haven't been dysphoric about my face in well over a year

Feeling like the least pretty girl frfr

kind of want to "retire" this account for no other reason than i want to change my username to something aggressively transfemme. I have something in mind so far but I'm still kind of hesitant with it for some reason

There are some good and some bad international news I'd like to talk about: In Germany, a self-id law is likely to pass parliament in the next days. It's not ideal (mandatory consultation for minors, no binary passports for nonbinary people, no transfem gender marker change during wartime, some dogwhistle-y sentences without legal meaning), but at least they struck the part about automatically reporting every gender marker change to the police. It replaces an older law which required two psychiatric evaluations costing thousands of Euros, so that's good.

On the bad side, in the UK the Cass review was published. It's a "systematic" review of gender care for minors and unsurprisingly, it comes to the conclusion that minors should not get gender-affirming care. Even social transition should not happen without a doctor supervising it. It was obviously planned as a hatchet job from the very beginning by choosing unqualified doctors with clear anti-trans position to write it. As always, the media is failing its duty to accurately report on institutional transphobia while Labour is loudly embracing it. The NHS is now planning to do the same thing with adult gender care, so I can only express my horror at the continuing decline of TERF island.

does anyone have any good resources on trying to look for housing as a trans person? like, i feel like i should put up a craigslist posting saying something like "pre everything trans femme looking for queer roommates" or something but idk what i should/shouldn't do or what to look out for

is my voice supposed to be breathy during voice training? i feel like i'm targeting the right muscles for resonance but idk. wish there was a more understandable timeline for it

me bugging my friends after i've been feeling dysphoric all day

Why did I waste years of my life as an egg?

I know you all knew!