Some guy started a conversation with me, stared down at my tits for a solid 2-3 seconds mid-convo just kept talking like no big deal, and then resumed eye contact like that didn't just fucking happen. I'm used to covert glances and quick peeks but this is a new level of audacity for me.

Wearing form fitting clothing has given me power over tech, got a huge huge discount for some dish soap just now
I'm beyond swaying just biology now technology falls victim to my good looks
Completely unmatched rizz levels, if I only knew what I was capable of years ago things would have been different... My only real challenge will be rizzing up rocko's basilisk next and saving humanity. I will keep you all safe
Found a dark souls manosphere channel and the urge to bring that slop is strong, it's the usual fare of porn bad never goon but with dark souls. Eh I know the deal and I know even ironically watching this drivel is bad but the urge to
fucking strong
Going to the store for hair product, then might fuck around and shave my legs??
Also any experiences with IPL devices? I'd like to start addressing the actual growth process but laser/electrolysis are a bit pricey for me atm and epilating would apparently be really bad for my keratosis pilaris
Dad is now talking about not moving. I guess we will know more next week. I could cry. So now I might need to stay in this shithole red state instead of moving to one of my top picks for states. I don't know how expensive moving would be if I'm paying for it myself, plus no safety net while I find another job. I'm devastated. The move has been the thing keeping me going lately. I know a trans person who made the move we were hoping to and described it as "night and day". I'm just crushed. I also don't even know how long I can live at home closeted anyway. So who knows how long that safety net will even be there.
Had a great hangout/party last night with folks from our LGBT social/gaming club. Just chilling at our place (mine and my gf's) after the club ended, in part because the hours for the library we met at got cut and we probably need to find a new locale if we are going to have decent length meetings. Unfortunately, I did drink way too much and I am paying for it dearly this morning. One of our friends is going through some trouble (not abuse or anything, just some emotional conflict) with his boyfriend, so there was a lot of discussion that went deep. I got to go off a bit about Marxist social reproduction theory and how it related to patriarchy and trans folks, which was fun but I hope I didn't mangle it because I was fucking sloshed.
I was also reminded that one of my friends works at a craft/hobby store (not Hobby Lobby) so that means that we can find a time to go on a shopping trip so I can use his employee discount to buy some supplies I need for my diy punk/goth/alt fashion projects.
dysphoria, venting
Went out with a family member who really likes me but does not know me well. I was dressed very flamboyantly, feeling in my power. I am not out, partially because I don't feel certain.
They sir'd me over and over again, almost like some people have a filler word ("um, " "uh, " "so, " etc.). Every time it happened I felt so invisible and small. I was looking forward to seeing them but ended up dissociating through most of the night. They also made a joke about me only shaving once a week even though I shave every day. I put a lot of effort into my appearance.
I dunno, I typically don't willingly spend time with people who call attention to gender all the time. Maybe I should force myself to do that a little more to figure out my dysphoria a bit. I mostly experience body dysphoria, but clearly there's more to this.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Any insight appreciated, as always 💜
down with cis 
Went through the weekday spoilers one by one even after seeing Tuesday didn't have anything

3 months hrt
spoiler
Nipples hurt on and off, seemingly when I'm horny more so? Which I didn't expect tbf. And some other sex changes that feel weird for me to talk about. idrk what else I was expecting, I also avoid mirrors/looking at myself as much as possible so would I even see changes
spoiler
I don't recall ever feeling nipple pain, but nipples going stiff from arousal sounds natural for me, and if you're early on in breast development it makes sense that could be a bit painful.

The shameful withered sunflower looks away from the bright sun. A metaphor for ... something.
Trans trans trans
Another emergency at my work today. Been happening a lot. Idk if it's because of all my other stress on top but I haven't been happy with my performance. Also person I'm out to volunteered me to go search the men's locker room for shoes (I always use the single stall). That's nice. I love being male. Now I'm in the bathroom crying. Not even the locker room thing just fuck my life in general. Cw.
So obviously my trans Guy Gardner cosplay is going to be named Gal Gardner, but what do I do with Jay Garrick? Is she a Jane or a Joy?
Never done a cosplay event before but I look fucking adorable and I can't wait.
heated rivalry spoilers
The buildup of tension from the side characters culminating into coming out in a public setting with thousands of eyes on you as you embrace and kiss your gay lover... And then the reaction from the main closeted couple as they realize they too can do anything, "I want to go to the cabin" 👏 truly a feast for lovers of lovers.

I love Paizo and Pathfinder is way cooler than DND.
This is from the PF2E remaster. The different levels of elixir just change how frequently you have to dose, and the strongest one makes the transition a bit faster.
My alchemist brews her own estrogen now.
Got dolled up today, but not getting the same euphoria as I did last time 😮💨 Not being dysphoric is still a plus, though. Yesterday I tried presenting masc and could not look at myself in the mirror, so there goes that, I guess 😬
There was a time where I was into self-cest. Wouldn't you be your own perfect partner? You knew yourself very well. You would be kind to yourself and would never betray yourself.
But then the more I thought about it, the more I wondered. If I had a clone, what was the chance that I would try to kill my clone? It was non-zero. After all, the clone knew my secrets. My weaknesses. They would have the same thoughts about the clone being a danger. "What if the clone is thinking of killing me? Shouldn't I kill it first?"
It is then I realised that I'd been reading too many novels and exotic eroticas.
lmao by sheer coincidence I found this image of max stirner getting married to his gender bent clone

Finally painted my nails again, feels good but without any vegan top coat they'll last a week at most
I spent all day crying at movies... It was... A lot... Ams exhausted... Arf,,,, but a friend showed me how to write my name in arabic script and thats cool; Its been on my list of languages to learn for a while.

Shopping vent
spoiler
My order from Killstar came in, and I just want to say that I was incredibly disappointed. Everything looked unflattering and visably cheap, and several items were incredibly uncomfortable. I wish I had read more reviews before putting in an order. Going to return everything and use the refund for thrifting and diy supplies instead.
unsolicited suggestion
I haven't gotten anything from Killstar, but I've been pretty happy with things from Disturbia. It's not nice-nice, but it doesn't feel like it's going to fall apart after three washes.
Thrifting rocks though. My favorite things have been thrifted :)
The joy of being seen as a 30-something stubbly male with a career to navigate when you'd rather be spoken to like you're a 12 year old girl. Or be treated like someone's dog
I keep writing and deleting these long fire-and-brimstone comments. Odd considering nobody cares lmao
cw death
If you had a million questions and nobody who seemed like a safe person or a reliable person to ask, what would you do?
If you felt like dying and had nobody and nothing to hold you back, challenge those thoughts, affirm something, what would you do?
- You have no friends? Go to a meetup.
- No meetups? Try posting online!
- Nobody responding online? Talk to a friend!
- You have no friends? Go to a meetup-
I've explained why none of that is working right now. Local groups are silent, dating apps are all straight people and polyamorous relationships. I'm just waiting for class to start so I can go back to being terrified of the pretty little 22 year olds.
I seem to want to a type of relationship that hasn't existed since the Industrial Revolution, wherein you are a direct apprentice to someone regarded as having some expertise. I am a novice at femininity and would love to, like, be under someone's wing. Like, I would be such a good student. My God.
Times like this make me want to just throw on a dress and bright red lipstick and go full femme and get shitfaced at a dive bar. Just like, see what happens. Could it be worse? Would even that matter to anyone?
Ending this comment by affirming to myself that I can not expect anyone to reply, or help me, or care. This has been done to manage my own sanity
spoiler
Holy fuck it all hurts so bad. Why do I have to go in to work today. I don't want to do anything let alone that. Fucking fuck I'm tired of this. Of feeling so dysphoric. Of everything. And nothing helps, nothing can help. I dont want to live in suffering
Prawn bots in my dms calling me sweetheart, like bro you can’t just spring that on me without dinner first…
Samurai jack fucking rules
sexual urges from an asexual pov
being gray ace makes me feel cognitive dissonance comparable to gender dysphoria. like, i don’t feel sexual attraction. i don’t want sex. the idea of a sexual relationship mortifies me.
then why does my body randomly decide to feel horny? why do i have to go through the motions to satisfy a desire that i don’t actually want?
why can’t my brain and my body get along grhhhhhhhh
spoiler
Feel like shit. ofc. god I just wish this was different. Fuck me. Wtf do I do. I hate this. I don't want to keep suffering like this. I'm too broken. I want peace

traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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