this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2024
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Fruit Loops! (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

The Proud Boys have an initiation ritual where new members are beaten by the group until they can recite the names of five different breakfast cereals.

top 45 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Obviously this frat-boy shit is dumb, but if you had to figure out if someone was a real American or a spy, this would be an excellent way to do it.

Like if someone said "I eat musli" or "I like grape nuts" you could go ahead and shoot the spy.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Grape nuts was one of the first American cereals

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yeah and everyone who ever ate it was like "oh god, no" and immediately came out with a better cereal.

Like corn flakes. Itty bitty tortilla chips make a better cereal than fucking grape nuts.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You can go fuck yourself because they are great on their own or mixed in yogurt.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Lol I actually do like them with honey. Oh and honey bunches of oats is just corn flakes with granola, that's good too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Corn flakes were famously invented to discourage fucking one's self.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Found the spy!

Quick, somebody shoot 'em!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Corn Flakes were invented independently by one of weirdest people ever.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

"Weird" feels like such a mild way to describe John Harvey Kellogg.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Corn Flakes were invented to intentionally be so soul-crushingly bland it would destroy your urge to masturbate.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I didn't say it wasn't American, I said it's not American to eat it. No American has ever purchased, much less consumed grape nuts. They don't even put the product in the boxes anymore. Just some led shot and asbestos to give it weight and they change out the box design every once in a while. They've been doing this since the 80s, it has to remain on the shelves to satisfy the terms of a demonic contract.

Before that, Grape Nuts was funded by the dentist lobby hoping to cash in on all those broken teeth. But nobody ever bought any and the dentists gave up.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

It was in my house growing up quite a few times. Granted, my mom is Mexican but my dad was white/American. They both loved that shit.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I was born in California to parents born in New Jersey and Illinois, have been an American citizen since birth, and have bought and eaten Grape-Nuts multiple times.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I meant it in a way that implies Americans love American things. Compared to muesli, which sounds like some European stuff.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Poor steve1989

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Grape nuts and muslix are delicious. You unwash philistine.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Grape Nuts fuck

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago

See I have to believe at least some of this shit was because the leader of that group was a federal informant. This is the kind of thing the FBI agents in Ms Congeniality would think is funny.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Coco Pops, Special K, Bran Flakes, Cornflakes, err...

Lucky Charms. Phew.

Also, what?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You have Cocoa Puffs and Corn Pops combined, I'm going to give you 2 points for that.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Very kind of you, but I can't take credit, Coco Pops are a cereal in the UK.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Well, damn. You're right. I must rescind the point distribution.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Coco Pops are just African American Rice Krispies

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Congrats, you're now a Proud Boy!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Can I "join" and not name any cereals just to beat the fuck out of a bunch of proud boys?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I thought you only had to join if you can't beat them.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)
  • Cheerios
  • Honey nut cheerios
  • Frosted Cheerios
  • Chocolate Cheerios

And...

Uh...

Hmm....

The uh...

The one with the umm...

Errr...

I'm just kidding

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was raised in peak cereal advertising. I can spout off like 10 based on mascots alone.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Does it count if you're old and all the cereals you remember still have "sugar" in the name?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I know Kellogg's is trying to fix their image since more people became aware of the anti-masturbation thing but this is not a good sponsorship deal to do that

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Oh boy you are in for a treat. Essentially John Harvey Kellogg was really against masturbation or sex of any kind (He and his wife had separate bedrooms and it is believed he spent their honeymoon writing.) and thought the secret to a good life was eating plain food and good posture.

https://archive.org/details/plainfaorold00kell/page/236/mode/2up https://archive.org/details/plainfaorold00kell/page/302/mode/2up

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Captain Crunch

Peanut Butter Crunch

Crunchberries

Oops All Berries

...crap

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

If cinnamon toast crunch isn't one of the 5 you're definitely not getting in.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

*Froot Loops

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Breakfast cereals? That's pathetically weird.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Dammit I'm going to be thinking about this for ages, is this to prove you were lower middle class? Like to make sure they were raised on the same "Saturday morning cartoon" upbringing? To see if they only name "Great Value" brand alternatives? To make sure they weren't raised on croissants?

I know I'm giving the Proud Boys far too much credit, but I really thought they only check that you get an erection while reciting the pledge of allegiance.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I think it's more about making sure you can handle yourself under pressure. When there's multiple guys actively beating the shit out of you, can you still focus on naming the cereals? Or does panic take over and your brain stops working after you only have a chance to name 3? I guess it makes sense that a group of domestic terrorists would want someone that can keep their head on straight when shit hits the fan. Still dumb tho.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

ProNutro, Weetbix, Maltabella, Jungle Oats, Otees.

Five cereals that Proud Boys have probably never heard of.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

What are they doing to Old black man?

He’s just trying to nap

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

*Froot Loops

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

That's weird

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

King Vitamin

Grins Smiles Giggles and Laughs

Frosted Rice

Total Raisins

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I had to look this one up. Why the Proud Boys Initiation Ritual Involves Cereal

I would say these are a bunch of frat boys who peaked in college but I think they are just cosplaying what they think being in a frat would be like.

Yosef Ozia, a member of the Southern Proud Boys chapter who’s based in Atlanta, Georgia, told Extra Crispy that this all stemmed from a fart joke. Yep, a fart joke. McInnes introduced this step based on a rule his buddies had in the past: if someone farted, they’d get beat on until they could list five kinds of breakfast cereal. “It doesn’t mean anything,” Ozia said. “[Initiation] is mostly a joke. A lot of people take it seriously, and they shouldn’t really.”