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What are some ways you've generally handled know-it-all nerds? The kind that gatekeep the concept of being highly intelligent? They've taken advantage of me all my life because I'm unconfident. (hexbear.net)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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CW sexual assault, physical assault Growing up, I've been repeatedly assaulted and harassed by know it all's. That's how upsettingly nerdy they were about gatekeeping the autonomy of thinking for myself. Because they wanted to violate the most intimate of boundaries, and not have me fight back. They wanted control and power over me in every way. To play pretend that they were all powerful and intelligent wizards.

I see a lot of communists on here saying things that might lead to them being stigmatized, and I want to be able to do that more. You guys shut down nerdiness. I've been conditioned to have controlling nerd voices in my head, and automatically let them convince me out of setting boundaries and speaking up for what I believe in. Now I'm my own controlling nerd, and I don't want to be. I want to walk the right path regardless of how stigmatized it may be.

How do you shut down nerds? Especially when their opinions are antihuman? If you don't care about piggypoopballs opinions, what are your reasons for not caring?

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 9 months ago (1 children)

As a former smuglord , I've learned that the first, best step you can take is learning to tell people to shut up

It can be hard, mainly because we're usually browbeaten into believing that we're supposed to settle things with civility

But the thing is, they're the ones who aren't being civil, they're the ones who don't show anyone respect, they're the ones who will resort to cruelty and bullying

So it's important to remember that even if you don't know everything, you know enough to know that nobody knows everything and anyone who pretends to be the arbiter of absolute knowledge is just being a shit

[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I want to say "shut up" all the time. Thing is, I don't want to choke on the rest of my words and silently freeze afterwards.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I actually disagree with shut up. These people are looking for anything that can keep it going and keep them being powerful over you. Saying shut up will give them what they want, a response. Them, the intellectual, you the angry person saying shut up.

Just say you're done with the conversation and stop responding. Silent indifference eats at these deeply insecure people.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

That's why you say "shut up nerd" in a contemptuous tone, not an angry one.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

I think it depends on the situation

Online, yeah, say you're done and ignore them

Real life, I think people need that little slap to the ego

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

One that i like to use when I'm clearly just being "talked at" is "nah, I'm done here. i don't owe you a debate" and then STICKING TO MY GUNS and exiting the situation

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I was taught by a friend that when someone behaves too manipulatively, you can just leave the room without a word.

There was a shitty person who treated us two very differently. I observed if you start off a relationship with someone extremely manipulative with the vanishing act, they'll respect you more and try less shit on you. I stuck around when shit got bad, and all that did was give the manipulator room to test how far they could take things out on me.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Freezing them out hurts them more than saying shut up. Any response at all validates them and you getting angry really does validate them more than freezing them out because you’re telling them they’re important enough to get upset about.

“Grey rock” them.

This isn’t just self help “they aren’t worth your time” advice. Legitimately it’s the best way to get back at them. They want validation in the form of a response, of occupying your attention, so don’t give them your attention. Be a grey rock.