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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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lemme know if you figure out a solution to this one. i love them more than anything but we also got together/built a life while i was closeted and a different person
fuck this is bad. i want to go to raves, kiss girls and explore my sexuality now that im actually somewhat comfortable in my own body, but i also can’t imagine a life without them; i love them so much. this feels like something where im fucked either way, if i never bring it up and lock in on building our life and our future, it could fester and be worse later, i could develop unfair resentment over something i never told them. if i bring it up, it could be the end of our relationship on the spot, i can’t imagine they would take it well given their preference for monogamy. they’ve mentioned before that i could talk to/meet/sleep with other people but that was in a really rough patch where my addiction and dysphoria were tanking our relationship, so it felt more like a last ditch attempt to keep us together rather than a situation they’d genuinely be ok with long term.
i’m so fucked. i guess i have to talk with them about it at some point but goddamnit i feel so guilty and awful. greed you read about in the bible type shit, i have a perfectly lovely long term t4t relationship and i have to ruin it by being selfish
in my case i have chosen to discard that potential happiness for the relationship i value because i believe the amount of bitterness/resentment i'll suffer would be less than the amount she would if she was the one to compromise. as a cautionary tale i have also gotten the "maybe you can go be poly and it would be fine" offer during a rough patch, and i found that even the suggestion from me that i was considering it ended up being a landmine that seriously damaged our relationship. this is...not advice (because i don't feel i can offer any) but in my personal situation i've come to believe that being open about this was a mistake. it's only caused my partner pain. i can't say that will be true for you! i cannot emphasize enough that i am not trying to steer you any particular way. but for my part, i do wish i had simply dealt with my feelings quietly on my own.
and yes our greed sickens me
(but seriously i hope you find a happy medium where everyone wins)
no worries this is very helpful. thankfully i havent brought it up since and never used the explicit term, so we’re good unless i decide to make it an issue. probably best to let sleeping dogs lie in this instance. a happy medium seems… unlikely. my wants vs their needs, the needs gotta come first and i don’t want to ruin the trust we have. thanks again comrade
yuppp
i would like to get OFF the too-late epiphany train now thank you VERY MUCH