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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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::: spoiler spoiler
This isnt an easy path forward. Either the mono person has to be ok with the poly person seeing others, or the poly person has to be ok not seeing others. Anything less than genuine acceptance and peace-with-oneself-making-processes (regardless of what way forward is chosen) means its just gonna fester into something bigger and more painful later on.
Point is, youre not a dumdum dipshit person, youre facing a real difficult thing where your and your partners needs/wants/desires are incompatible. You sound solid in your choices genuinely I'm sorry its a point of contention between you two. I do think its better to bring such things up; I know if I'm partnered with a person I want to know not just the parts of her that are nice, but the parts that will bring me pain, I want to know her, not just select parts of her.
Anyway, its tough and I'm sorry youre facing it. I was in a similar situation, and took a similar path as you, and uh it didn't work (for other reasons, mostly around transness and my mental health and our goals in life diverging heavily; I wanted to be a girl, she wanted to date men, and I was incredibly mentally ill at that point which wasn't easy for her, and she said she was ok with everything when she kinda wasn't, at least to my perception).
it feels like i’m adding a wound that could never be healed if i said “hey fyi i want to explore other people but i wont out of concern for your feelings,” like i feel that’s insanely unfair to them and would just have them worried about me cheating all the time. if i genuinely come to terms with reality and accept it, why introduce something that would cause pain? for honesty’s sake, i guess, and i have guilt over that too, but it really does seem like it would either be bad or they might pretend to be ok with it to make me happy, which would be worse
That makes sense, idk maybe I'm was selfish with it.
no it’s definitely valid, like i’m definitely holding a lie of omission and that’s its own danger. nobody’s selfish, we’re all trying to maximize happiness between ourselves and our partners. in your instance it sounds like there were a lot of other factors involved, and i’m sorry it didn’t work out