soooooo uh good news for people who love bad news ig? i got nothing. for perspective it's been two years since i realized i was poly and i have told my partner (which is how i know she's 100% solidly monogamous). we have talked about it a lot, i have thought about it a lot, but...and i'm genuinely sorry to say it...i don't think this is the kind of situation where everyone gets to be happy and fulfilled. the huge caveat here is that i am god's hugest dipshit so there's every possibility i am just not smart enough to puzzle this out but i just can't see a path forward that doesn't involve someone making a pretty significant sacrifice.

in my case i have chosen to discard that potential happiness for the relationship i value because i believe the amount of bitterness/resentment i'll suffer would be less than the amount she would if she was the one to compromise. as a cautionary tale i have also gotten the "maybe you can go be poly and it would be fine" offer during a rough patch, and i found that even the suggestion from me that i was considering it ended up being a landmine that seriously damaged our relationship. this is...not advice (because i don't feel i can offer any) but in my personal situation i've come to believe that being open about this was a mistake. it's only caused my partner pain. i can't say that will be true for you! i cannot emphasize enough that i am not trying to steer you any particular way. but for my part, i do wish i had simply dealt with my feelings quietly on my own.

and yes our greed sickens me (but seriously i hope you find a happy medium where everyone wins)