have to get my haircut again, unfortunately

i wait about 2-3 times as long as other men to get it cut because i never liked doing it

"oh you should try for something shorter this time, not like those other times" the thing i tell myself every time

show the barber some vague idea of what i want

he cuts it even shorter than the already shorter than what i wanted cut

get disappointed

show friends/family, hoping they too don't like it

they all say I look great

get even more disappointed

lmao i really did think these were normal cis thoughts

Bought the electric shaver, doesn't cut as much hair as my safety razor or the straight blade, but it's also quick and doesn't leave red spots on my face, beats looking like Jamiroquai in Virtual insanity

Oh there's the "I'm not trans" thoughts. Right on time.

You ever get that feeling that people around you are getting sick of your presence? I've been feeling like that lately and it's kinda crushing me somewhat.

Unlocking a childhood memory is such an odd experience. As a young kid, I started to steal my dad's tshirts and wore them around our house. Just a T-shirt, socks, and underwear. I stopped when I got big enough that the shirts didn't go past my knees anymore. I remember doing this but I've never understood why. I just remembered that it was very comfortable.

Well, last night as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I suddenly remembered. I was probably 5ish because I was still in leg braces (I had a bunch of surgeries on my legs and feet as a young child and wore leg braces until I was 5). I remember being somewhere, a store of some sort, with my mom and I remember asking her if I could have a dress to wear. I remember her saying no, and I remember being confused and pissed because that seemed unfair. I remember making the argument that dresses are just big shirts.

It dawned on me that my uncompliant ass decided right then and there to work around the system and just steal my dads shirts. I don't know if my parents ever put that together because they never stopped me from doing it.

I haven't come out to my parents yet, and I probably won't for a while. But when I do, I plan on asking about that.

Is there like an opposite of Mewing? like I want my jaw to be less 🖱 shaped

girls 💗💙🤍💙💗

Last night I got very high and had the thought that if I could afford hormones and surgery I wouldn't be depressed enough to need them and now that I've sobered up I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I tried to convince a trans friend who is also Autistic to find a trans therapist.

Does anyone have a resource I can share with them in order to get them to find a trans therapist (rather than the gay one they have currently)?

I was thinking I want to just try antiandrogens with no other hormones, but DIY would be the only way I could do it.

How do you hide breast buds when wearing just a t-shirt? It makes me feel happy when I'm wearing a light hoodie and can still see just a faint hint that they're there, but spring is gonna be here soon and whenever I wear only a t-shirt it looks like my nipples are trying to poke a hole through the the fabric and it's a bit too conspicuous to go around in public like that. It's not like they could fit into a bra, it's just buds, but it's also extremly visible when I'm wearing just a thin layer.

edit: Thanks for the replies! I'll try some of the different options and see what works best for me

day 5 of not being cis:

i haven't actually done anything physical with my presentation on account of it's been less than a fuckin week but i have suddenly noticed this subtle, keen awareness of myself that i never had before when i'm out in public. Unlike before I'm suddenly deeply, faintly aware that I present as male right now. I literally always have but suddenly I'm just far more aware of it. Using a cringe video game analogy, it's like there's a new little display on the HUD that says: "You present as: Male". That's always been true but now I'm so much more aware of it? It's weird

It's too quiet in here. hope y'all are having a good weekend. The other day I realized some really heavy shit about my relationship with my ex-wife but I'm not gonna trauma dump here so instead I will wish you all a wonderful weekend and hope that next week is better than the last.

I've been having a really good week so far aside from a couple things out of control. I went out for my girlfriend's birthday last night with the polycule. We had a pretty great time. Probably the best time I've had going out since before COVID started. Still getting gendered correctly too even in a different style than what I was wearing. I'm also noticing way more men taking glances at me and it's...affirming yet kinda disgusting at the same time. IDK, I guess it's going to have to be something I have to get used to, cause men aren't going to change anytime soon.

My favorite part of this week so far? I finally figured out my final goals for my transition and I feel absolutely FANTASTIC. Even though I'm fairly far into transitioning, I was still kinda uncertain about how I hoped I would turn out at the end of all this. However, out of nowhere, I finally pinpointed it and I'm really stoked about it. I'm also not that far from it either. Just need the hormones to keep doing their thing with feminization and make a few changes on my end and I could actually maybe reach my goals