I was going to illustrate the whole poem by Edgar Allan Poe, but since I wasn't able to do it, have the one drawing, and the poem itself. Keep in mind it is horror literature and has themes of grief and a haunting encounter with a raven.

The Raven CW: Grief, Horror

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “ ’Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door — Only this, and nothing more.”

 

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had tried to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore — Nameless here for evermore.

 

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “ ’Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door — Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; — This it is, and nothing more.”

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, “Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you” — here I opened wide the door; — Darkness there, and nothing more.

 

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore!” This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!” Merely this, and nothing more.

 

Then into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before. “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore — Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;— ’Tis the wind, and nothing more!”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door — Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door — Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

 

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, “Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore — Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

 

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning — little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no sublunary being Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door — Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as “Nevermore.”

 

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing farther then he uttered — not a feather then he fluttered — Till I scarcely more than muttered, “Other friends have flown before — On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

 

Wondering at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, “Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store, Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster — so, when Hope he would adjure, Stern Despair returned, instead of the sweet Hope he dared adjure — That sad answer, “Nevermore!”

 

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust, and door; Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore — What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

 

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o’er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o’er, She shall press, ah, nevermore!

 

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee — by these angels he hath sent thee Respite — respite and Nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore! Let me quaff this kind Nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! — Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted — On this home by Horror haunted — tell me truly, I implore — Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore — Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore — Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

 

“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting — “Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! — quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

 

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted — nevermore!


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[–] [M] 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 child)

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

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​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

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    [–] 25 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    hey there trans mega

    sorry i haven't been posting much here recently

    i fucking love you guys so much. every single one of you

    anyway, the reason i haven't been posting much is because i've been a raging mess and i think i destroyed a marriage (for the better)

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    [–] 20 points 11 months ago (5 children)

    I keep forgetting how young some you are yeesh

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    [–] 19 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    horny talkI was fucking feral horny the last couple days. Haven't felt like that since before androgen blockers, that was some weird shit.

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    [–] 18 points 11 months ago (6 children)

    wow who knew estrogen would give me boobs

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    [–] 18 points 11 months ago

    [horny] [peak shit]

    I think I had my first girlgasms today catgirl-heart

    Multiple even!

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  • [–] 18 points 11 months ago (8 children)

    me shopping around for a new interactive novel or a fanfic:

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    [–] 17 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    sexParticularly emotional tonight and wanting to be desirable one day. Not like, I want a partner kinda way, but I want them to look at me and think I'm hot.

    I've obviously spent a lot of time really hating how I look and damn I want someone to find me attractive. To desire me.

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    [–] 17 points 11 months ago

    There's something so insidious about trans people who's goal is to convert you to their particular brand of misery. I try to just do my own thing and ignore people like that, but occasionally I'm reminded of how depressing it can be.

    Why would anyone spend all of their time trying to narrow down transition to the most trad definition possible? If it's really just what someone personally wants, fine, but it never really stops there. It's always weaponized against the community.

    Anyway silly-liberator

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  • [–] 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    It feels like my boobs grew 20% larger in the last few weeks. I'm gonna have huge tits and still no one at work will say anything lmao

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    [–] 17 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    So, some life updates.

    Interview went very well, but still waiting to hear back. I really need to get back on the application train regardless in case a different candidate gets picked.

    My partner is deciding to try (feminizing) HRT! I am super happy for them, but they don't have health insurance so I am trying to figure out options. Here's what I have so far, and it'd be good to get feedback:

    • We can go with Planned Parenthood virtual visits and hope that the payment plans for their income level is reasonable.
    • We can pursue one of the various online GAHT clinics (Folx, Plume, etc...)
    • I have insurance and have a big EV stockpile. I can let them borrow my stock until they get insurance. I would need to probably adjust my regime (split my EV dose over 2 injections), so that they could take my spiro since that doesn't come as easily as E and then I could run fine on monotherapy (I have been kinda forgetting most of my spiro doses anyways for the past few months it wouldn't be a big change, it would just alleviate some of my anxiety). I am a little concerned them not getting blood tests in this scenario, but it should be fine short term.
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    [–] 16 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    My new bit is I'm just gonna be responding to myself since I'm dialecticaldoggirl-smart

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    [–] 16 points 11 months ago

    I hate when I'm told I'm not being realistic when I point out xyz thing about the world that's bullshit.

    "That's just how the world works."

    Uh, yeah you fuck that's the problem. Why can't people just say yeah it sucks? Is it so wrong for me to want things to be different?

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  • [–] 16 points 11 months ago

    Carrying hair ties in my wallet like I used to carry condoms, the hair ties are significantly more useful

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  • [–] 15 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 child)

    a tale of ups and downs (CW social transphobia/misgenderingYesterday I looked great. I was wearing a dress, my hair is long, I was waiting in the line for a supermarket check out and an older woman with a young grandchild turned around looked at me "lets let this man go first". It sucked and I cried in the car. What was awful was it didn't seem intentionally mean, like she had a second and assumed man.

    I CBT'd myself by telling myself she was old and might have had impaired vision and a 6ft something blob is more likely to be a man.

    But then for work I saw a person I had met about 6 months ago when I wasn't fully out or presenting and they were really confused thinking that the appointment had accidentally been moved to another person, because here I am, practicing my voice training, wearing a dress and makeup, long dyed black hair down not in a bun etc. I rather cryptically just said "Oh no that was me, I'm just different now".

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    [–] 15 points 11 months ago

    Haven't you heard the ancient Klingon proverb "up with trans"?

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  • [–] 15 points 11 months ago

    Being non binary sucks when you have a public facing job

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  • [–] 15 points 11 months ago (16 children)

    Reading a book is so fun everyone should do it, hst-gun get to your local library and apply for a library card if you haven't already

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    [–] 14 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    Downside of accepting my truth is that now I take trans news personally. I was never going to the Olympics but damn is it depressing to see

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    [–] 14 points 11 months ago

    My boss stood up for me and it was nice. I don't get others defending me very often

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  • [–] 14 points 11 months ago (5 children)

    lamenting cringe culture and societal expectations with regards to puppygirlsI send one (1) emoji in a discord server and all of a sudden I'm cringe. It was this one

    I have these saved to my phone and used one in a dm with a guy and he said they were cute and I agreed. This was like several months ago.

    Yesterday I'm in the discord server and same guy makes a reference to that and calls me a doggirl and I respond with the above emoji. Maybe I misread and I was being made fun of idk. And then a few people made things weird.

    This group of friends respects my gender identity and that's very nice. But they are all so freaking affected by cringe culture and it frustrates me. Why do you give a shit what's cringe and what's not?

    I cannot wrap my mind around what makes it wrong for me to use these emoji. And I cannot wrap my mind around what would make it so wrong if I wanted to be a dog girl. Fuck cringe like actually. Why should I care?

    And as a matter of fact, it's been rolling in my head since I just joined this site and after yapping with lilypad about its perspective I was already considering much more than I usually do this past week. And now this happens in discord.

    The only prerequisite to being a pup girl is wanting to be, yeah? Fuck it I might as well see what it's like on a site that isn't gonna call me cringe for it.

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    [–] 14 points 11 months ago

    Went to a transfem group last night which was interesting. Got some advice on hormones, joined a discord.

    Then last night I had a dream where a girl I work with told me to get my tits out which was, um, huh

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  • [–] [S] 13 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    My therapist told me to draw a self-portrait wearing my first dress (which I somehow got by pure luck). I've been procrastinating for some time, I should just start doing stuff

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    [–] 13 points 11 months ago

    How do you approach girls at the clubs when you don't know if they are wlw or/and like trans girls

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    Dysphoria?So, occasionally I still hate how I look and can't stand it. But, a lot of the time it's more like I'm a little cute on a good day and not hideous on a bad day.

    People tell me I'm beautiful all the time though. Are they just being nice? Or do I have like dysmorphia (as well as a little dysphoria still)? Like it's not just my partners and my friends, strangers (never ever cis men though, thankfully) compliment my appearance most times I go somewhere public. I figure like they see this obviously trans person and it makes them feel good about themselves to say nice things to me, like a charity or something. Idk, does that happen to other people?? Am I pretty??? And if I am, why can't I feel like I am :(

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    [–] 13 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    Uh idk if this is weird or anything, but is giving my cousin a heads up my dad's transphobic fair or should I leave it? Our family's are meeting up this week. He deadnames her and shit.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago* (1 child)

    I do a lot of Tarot now. What is really terrible is AI interpretation is so pervasive, and accepted. I have found it much more persuasive to simply say "I think getting a machine without a soul/divine spark/[insert person specific belief] would impart such dark energy/bad omens/[insert person specific fear] that it would cloud the reading and possibly taint any ones to come, but that's just my [a kooky and mystical presenting trans woman] opinion"

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago*

    AI art is also really common which I would use similar excuses about the decks being bad luck or cursed.

    If a person believes that there are real souls stuck in a void and AI allows you to talk to them, I imagine these arguments won't work.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago

    I am exhausted. However. I looked cute as fuck over zoom today

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago* (4 children)

    meta, queerphobiaPeople EVEN ON THIS FUCKING WEBSITE excusing queer phobia is fucking disgusting. YOU ARE NOT A DECENT PERSON AND A FUCKING BIGOT. ANYTHING LESS THEN EQUALITY IS NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH.

    THIS IS NOT A ISOLATED INCEDENT, THIS IS NOT ONE USER, IT'S FUCKING EVERYWHERE. PEOPLE, LEFTISTS, COMMUNISTS EXCUSING THIS BULLSHIT. WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO BE RECOGNIZED AS EQUAL I HATE IT HERE. I HATE IT ON THIS FUCKING STUPID ROCK

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    [–] 13 points 11 months ago

    I don’t know how relatable this is to other L2 English speakers, but I used to truly despise this language. I hated it on principle. I hated what people used it for in the false name of “freedom”. I hated its inconsistencies and its spelling and its grammar. I hated that I was forced to learn it at a young age in order to be able to talk to other people that were forced to learn it in similar circumstances.

    But I’ve come around in recent years. I realized that it’s just a language, after all. You can use it to create good and nice and beautiful things. I’d never really delved into English poetry though.

    That is to say, thanks for posting this poem. I really dig it and I doubt I would’ve discovered it on my own.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    hrt problemsFuck the EU, seems like a lot of HRT providers inside the EU were taken offline. It's harder for me to buy meds. Luckily I bought a couple of months worth of E last month, but my bica runs out next month and I want to start prog. I found a provider based in Hong Kong, but I'm almost sure it will be seized by the border guards, since they check everything from Asia.

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    [–] 13 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    I think I could be fixed with a hug from a person who understands me.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 months ago*

    CW transphobic language around orchiectomyMe using the word castration: Cool, sexy, dangerous, mystical

    Cis people using the word castration: cringe, gross, reactionary, ill-informed

    "Did you know that medication might chemically castrate you?"

    "Here's hoping otherwise I might have to finish the job myself" (while miming snipping)

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  • [–] 12 points 11 months ago (5 children)

    dysphoriaLooking in the mirror to shave and I can't believe this happened to me. I hate it so much.

    pcos

    Yea I'd hate that shit too. If it's even bad enough to cause this kinda facial hair which I really doubt that's common.

    Fucking hate facial hair it's the worst shit ever. Not going to do two cws so just imagine what other one I'd use here.

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    [–] 12 points 11 months ago (5 children)

    sad and venty

    Idk. Just sad. Want cuddles and to be held. I feel like i have so many people in my life that its too much/too many, but i also feel like its not enough? Idk. My days are empty cause im unemployed, and i keep getting in my own way. Im not eating right and fluctuate in and out of eating a lot or not eating for a day or two and then eating way too much, and that probably doesnt help. Im just emotional these couple days, which... tracks. Idk. Im just sad rn. Im holding my plushies. I just want to be held and be small. I want the world to stop. I want to take a vacation from this existence and be somewhere that everything isnt happening. I feel socially incompetent and want to explain to people "yeah im not initiating interactions because im socially incompetent and have been burned too many times" but that also is really hard to do. Im feeling real dysphoric and idek why. I mean, i havent shaved in a couple days but like i cant shave every day that hurts my skin too much.

    I feel burned out but theres nothing to be burned out over... I spent the past few days and last week hyperfocused on programming and now i feel like shit and i think thats part of it. But like. Idk. I just want to be held.

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    [–] 12 points 11 months ago (8 children)

    I've been trying to train my voice solo forever without really succeeding but 1 month with a speech therapist and I'm already reading text with a fantastically femme voice.

    Still in awe of people that have done this alone. I understood concepts individually but I really needed guidance to bring it together.

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    [–] 12 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    Why do I feel so much more in control while driving than I do while walking or doing anything else physical? I use my body to drive!

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    [–] 12 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    I took slightly more than Im prescribed of E (there was almost nothing left and I had been wanting to try higher again) and now Im fucking crying over nothing all week 😡

    Now I remember why I wanted to back off from this much

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