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/s

Storytime!

Years ago, I worked a contract w/ a long-term post-op elders' facility, and learned first-hand that those with dysphagia (difficulty/inability to swallow) can often eat the same food as their neighbors — provided it's Vitamixed first. 🤓

The thing is? Aside from the mouth-feel, it tastes exactly the same as a perfect bite, every time. 😶

For instance, a cheeseburger w/ the works becomes an orchestral synthesis of its ingredients, without the chewing. So, no crunchy lettuce or piquant tomato skin, etc., but then again... Those are atypical to the US "burger" at this point anyhow, eh? 😅

Fuck the haters, I wonder if it actually tastes better like that

You're right, and I'm not one to talk, really. The amount of squashed, shitty lunches you eat doing bush work is astronomical.

How long do you think that piece of salad is going to stay tasty, though?

Ah, the "Rimworld diet".

Excuse me, better than what?

When the apocalypse hits, canned cheeseburgers are going to be the diamonds of the wastelands. But nobody ever finds out they're actually horrible, they're purely valuated on the idea of eating a cheeseburger.

The big issue is the salad IMO. I don't want to eat salad that has been stored like that for even half a day.

Yes burgers are not sandwiches

??

You can sit on it, or you can press it with something flat and heavy. Lan Lam includes squashing for an hour as a required step in her Simple rules for better sandwiches (Youtube), but she uses a cutting board and a pot. Pressing helps keep a big sandwich together and it also mixes the flavors a little.

Jamming it in a jar doesn't really work for keeping it together (that burger looks like it needs to be eaten with a spoon), but it could still help disperse the flavors.

The key is microwaving the patty but not the bun. But at that point you might as well pack the bun separately. And condiments/toppings too so the bun doesnt get soggy.

Right? I've eaten many vending machine burgers. This looks delicious by comparison.

For lunch? Great. Tomorrow? Okay. The next day? That soggy ass bread is gonna be worthless. Next day? Mold.

Salad doesn't stay fresh that way for long, and not-fresh salad is kinda gross.

You can smack my bottom