Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Hi! I've been extremely tired this week and nearly forgot that I was hosting one so I'm writing this last minute! I couldn't think of anything so I'm going to write about one of my hamsters who is not Biggs; Meredith
Meredith was another hamster of mine from a few years ago during the early days of COVID, and she was the absolute sweetest little creature I had ever met. Very friendly, very gentle. She loved exploring anywhere I put her into and never bit me ~~okay she did once ever~~. She was an absolute sweetheart and bundle of love and was with me during some of the rougher parts of my life
She unfortunately died very suddenly out of the blue one day at a terribly young age showing no symptoms of anything wrong with her prior, which breaks my heart to this very day
I never had her as long as any other hamster of mine but I don't think I had any other hamster touch my heart in quite the same way. I miss you, girl
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Im going to journal my day to create content
Currently on my morning/breakfast arc
Im grating potato to make latke focaccia. Focaccia has been rising in the fridge overnight, this is going to be a kick ass breakfast
That will take 2 hours to rise and be out of the oven, in the meantime I will get in my exercise and dance practice out of the way
But first some quick chores and self care, including voice training
Moving the focaccia up to dinner and ate 
for brekky
I voice train by reading novels aloud, going through The Cossacks by Leo Tolstoy
Tolstoy making Cossack women sound like baddies
"Besides, the continuous performance of man’s heavy work and the responsibilities entrusted to her, have endowed the Grebensk women with a peculiarly independent, masculine character, and have remarkably developed their physical powers, common sense, resolution, and stability. The women are in most cases stronger, more intelligent, more developed, and handsomer, than the men. A striking feature of a Grebensk woman’s beauty is the combination of the purest Circassian type of face with the broad and powerful build of Northern women"
kettlebell swings now onto a clean and squat
I ate the latke focaccia for dinner, did some good reflective journaling. watched Breaking Bad, and enjoyed the cool night breeze
i've regressed back to not studying, which is how i've been in school and bachelor's. except this time it's my master's and this time I won't just get honors if i dont study
self harm si and other terribleness
Woke up feeling horrible. Fog just kept getting worse. Cut myself. Still feel terrible. Its hopeless. Please kill me. theres nothing. i just want it to be over, I dont want this to be my life. i cant do it and I dont understand how everyone else seemingly can. what is keeping me here. I know all my issues, i know how much this hurts, i know what can change and what cant. i dont want this but i stll cant do it. fuck me.
I want to like the music from black knight more than I do like secret rings but other than a few top ones I don't listen to it much. I'm a big fan of the lyrics in these songs because I sit there listening to them like a dweeb think this is so deep 
analysing them like they weren't throw together after the fact.
Black knight still has some pretty good non lyrical songs that set the tone fine and a few remixes of old themes like the bigfoot fight for shadow and tails theme from adventure 1.
Honestly if your familiar with the 3d era it's a real treat hearing all these orchestral styles pieces. The leitmotif of black knight grows on you in a way I'll admit the one from secret rings doesn't quite though that's because of the overuse of the main theme in rings. Something sadly sonic team didn't learn with the werehog theme in unleashed. Seriously werehog jazz would go so much harder if it was only used when you unleashed or did the QTEs against bosses not when it replaced the night time music in every stage when a fight starts.
I’ve had 2 recent experiences where I felt like a gay guy was flirting with me and there’s no way that’s actually what was happening because I don’t really look like a guy yet. It does make me excited for the future though
I dont like a lot of my body but I love my hair. I feel so lucky to have such curly voluminous hair
Yesterday and today, there have been ravens near the tree line -- they are so silly, and loud. Just over there "Ah!" "Ah!" so cool. A goth lady came over yesterday, I told her about the ravens and she said "Oh, that's a good sign!"
Bi-cycle is slowly turning towards women and I don't like it 
sex and stuff
Feels like I'm a lot more "compatible" with guys. I refuse to top anyone ever, and with guys that's just expected so I don't even have to discuss it, but last time I dated a girl it was kind of an issue and I felt selfish and it was just an awful situation and I don't want to experience it ever again.
i'm on like small channel shaving youtube right now. i didn't know about safety razors and now i got a yaqi tile on the way! very excited to not have to spend so much on cartridges anymore cause that will save me a lot 
Berries are so good; raspberries, blueberries, blackberries - love 'em all to bits.
just felt like sharing.