this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2025
355 points (94.9% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 116 points 1 week ago (1 children)

why are you posting empty 4chan screenshots?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

what? It wasn't empty. There was, um, something about... hmm I don't remember.

[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 week ago (2 children)

try burping and then saying "oh fuck yeah that's good" as you approach before you get too close. this way they know you're coming and they know what you'll smell like

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

And if you can't burp, you can instead fart.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I hate fartin and wastin' it, I'd rather burp and be tastin' it!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

With enough workarounds you can taste your farts as well.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

while you rip you can let out a sigh and say "ugghhh god yea" so again they know What to expect

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Username checks out.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

It's also cleverly putting the idea in their head that you smell good.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 week ago

I think the problem is that

Um

What was I talking about again?

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 week ago

That's some medieval ass logic

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 week ago

I have this too. It's when you move too silent. I just start conversations by saying DO NOT BE AFRAID with the voice in their head. Can recommend.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What have we learned? Anon is boring and wearing soft shoes.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

might also have a problem with walking normally (constantly crouching, making stealth higher)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

I'm pretty sure the axe would make them more noticeable.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ooor, someone had to "survive" their family's bullshit and being unseen was the best way to do it. Then it became so ingrained in said someone's existential fingerprint, that they're now a ninja without even realising it.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago (5 children)

You don't need some tragic family background to be soulless creature wearing human costume.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago

Yeah, bullying at school works too.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

Yeah I'm like this and it's not really a trauma thing for me. I'm just autistic and ADHD which basically means I take advice too seriously and I have a bad habit of getting into someone's field of view or in their way by accident. As a result of being advised to be less visible every time I got in someone's view, I accidentally became invisible. It's something I've been working on lately actually and I've noticed I scare people less often since I started thinking about it

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

And one day when we flee
From our sweet misery
And shed our human costumes then
Revealing somewhat smaller men
Go off to work and then back again

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I have the opposite problem—I’m a strong impression making motherfucker. Strangers consistently approach me to say “you look like [insert famous person].” Acquaintances tell me “I never forgot you.”

And yet, nobody keeps in touch without a lot of effort on my part. I wish I knew how to transition my “I remember you” power into an “I want to be closer to you” power.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Give him his soul back you monster

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Yeah, you're only allowed one soul.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

I am like this and do not understand it. Literally the other day a FedEx guy remembered me because he was my brother's friend, another guy said he remembered me from 2nd grade. Neither of them at all familiar to me, and this happens regularly. I could never be a spy. It's not looks, I'm average in looks. This is not a small town either.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Aye!!!! More cowbell!!!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

A half dozen keychains has the same effect without being quite so odd

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

He should play basketball with that superpower

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Anon no basket

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago

They should start wearing juggalo makeup

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

Approach where they can see you in their line of vision but not directly. Approach at a 45 degree angle.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I also have weak presence, but I like joking about actually being a ninja

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

I call it my 'stealth field,' because I can turn it off. It just defaults to on.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

Live SCP, image of anon is a cognitohazard.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

Very sad when someone innocent gets caught in the range of a false hydra's song

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

I like to say 'knock knock' to get someone's attention, seems to be a little less starting than a hand on the shoulder.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

IDK, since my soul was collected people seem to unconsciously avoid me, and eye contact that lasts for a second would seem long, if he can describe having a conversation I suspect it's something else.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

i have this attribute… i always figured it was because im on the scary side of tall….
but i also have a thing where at restaurants, the server frequently forgets my order… they’ll get everyone else at the table, but when the food comes, mine isn’t there….
it’s happened so many times i avoid any place with a waiter/waitress….

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

You can use this power to be an incredible hypnotist or subtly manipulate people

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

bros a blank

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Hollowborn !

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

I can ~~see~~ read posts of dead people!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

You just need to wear something bright--doesn't have to happy bright though, could be like a bright green skull on your shirt or something, bright coloured shoes with black attire. Own that spooky vibe. Lean into it. Be proud of it. You're not soulless, just a spooky ghoul and spooky ghouls are great.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

OP is a high level rouge with a CHA dump stat.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

The Schwa Was Here

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