this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2025
344 points (94.8% liked)

Greentext

5908 readers
797 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 112 points 3 days ago (1 children)

why are you posting empty 4chan screenshots?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

what? It wasn't empty. There was, um, something about... hmm I don't remember.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What have we learned? Anon is boring and wearing soft shoes.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 days ago (2 children)

might also have a problem with walking normally (constantly crouching, making stealth higher)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

I'm pretty sure the axe would make them more noticeable.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 62 points 3 days ago (2 children)

try burping and then saying "oh fuck yeah that's good" as you approach before you get too close. this way they know you're coming and they know what you'll smell like

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago (2 children)

And if you can't burp, you can instead fart.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I hate fartin and wastin' it, I'd rather burp and be tastin' it!

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

while you rip you can let out a sigh and say "ugghhh god yea" so again they know What to expect

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

It's also cleverly putting the idea in their head that you smell good.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

I like to say 'knock knock' to get someone's attention, seems to be a little less starting than a hand on the shoulder.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

A half dozen keychains has the same effect without being quite so odd

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

Aye!!!! More cowbell!!!

[–] [email protected] 59 points 3 days ago

I think the problem is that

Um

What was I talking about again?

[–] [email protected] 40 points 3 days ago

I have this too. It's when you move too silent. I just start conversations by saying DO NOT BE AFRAID with the voice in their head. Can recommend.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 3 days ago

That's some medieval ass logic

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago

Live SCP, image of anon is a cognitohazard.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I have the opposite problem—I’m a strong impression making motherfucker. Strangers consistently approach me to say “you look like [insert famous person].” Acquaintances tell me “I never forgot you.”

And yet, nobody keeps in touch without a lot of effort on my part. I wish I knew how to transition my “I remember you” power into an “I want to be closer to you” power.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Give him his soul back you monster

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah, you're only allowed one soul.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

I am like this and do not understand it. Literally the other day a FedEx guy remembered me because he was my brother's friend, another guy said he remembered me from 2nd grade. Neither of them at all familiar to me, and this happens regularly. I could never be a spy. It's not looks, I'm average in looks. This is not a small town either.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Ooor, someone had to "survive" their family's bullshit and being unseen was the best way to do it. Then it became so ingrained in said someone's existential fingerprint, that they're now a ninja without even realising it.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 days ago (5 children)

You don't need some tragic family background to be soulless creature wearing human costume.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 days ago

Yeah, bullying at school works too.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

Yeah I'm like this and it's not really a trauma thing for me. I'm just autistic and ADHD which basically means I take advice too seriously and I have a bad habit of getting into someone's field of view or in their way by accident. As a result of being advised to be less visible every time I got in someone's view, I accidentally became invisible. It's something I've been working on lately actually and I've noticed I scare people less often since I started thinking about it

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

And one day when we flee
From our sweet misery
And shed our human costumes then
Revealing somewhat smaller men
Go off to work and then back again

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

IDK, since my soul was collected people seem to unconsciously avoid me, and eye contact that lasts for a second would seem long, if he can describe having a conversation I suspect it's something else.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

OP is a high level rouge with a CHA dump stat.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

Approach where they can see you in their line of vision but not directly. Approach at a 45 degree angle.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 days ago

They should start wearing juggalo makeup

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

i have this attribute… i always figured it was because im on the scary side of tall….
but i also have a thing where at restaurants, the server frequently forgets my order… they’ll get everyone else at the table, but when the food comes, mine isn’t there….
it’s happened so many times i avoid any place with a waiter/waitress….

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)

He should play basketball with that superpower

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

Anon no basket

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

You can use this power to be an incredible hypnotist or subtly manipulate people

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I also have weak presence, but I like joking about actually being a ninja

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

I call it my 'stealth field,' because I can turn it off. It just defaults to on.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

Very sad when someone innocent gets caught in the range of a false hydra's song

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

You just need to wear something bright--doesn't have to happy bright though, could be like a bright green skull on your shirt or something, bright coloured shoes with black attire. Own that spooky vibe. Lean into it. Be proud of it. You're not soulless, just a spooky ghoul and spooky ghouls are great.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

bros a blank

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

Hollowborn !

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

I can ~~see~~ read posts of dead people!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

I can walk in making noise with my feet or humming and still scare people. I think op just works with people who are deeply engrossed in their thoughts.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

The Schwa Was Here

load more comments
view more: next ›