I feel uniquely qualified to answer this, unfortunately, as someone who has given birth naturally several times and passed a kidney stone when I was 20.

The stone was more terrifying because I didn't know what was happening, I had intense pain and was pissing blood, thought I was dying but by the next day felt nothing and when I went to the doctor he said "you passed a stone, it's gone now, drink more water."

I have had migraines more painful than either, but not as urgent feeling as the bladder stone, if that makes sense. They are depressing not terrifying. Childbirth hurts but doesn't feel like either, it's productive and sort of exciting, you are having a baby. So it hurts a lot but without the negative emotions it's easier in a way.

ETA after reading Velma's post - I never had labor for days with mine, 2 (the first and last) were "precipitous" which basically means I only got the worst part of labor and only for about 20 minutes, one I got the ideal, about 4 hours so time to get used to it and gentler start, and one did take over a day but that was because water broke and no labor, had to be induced (with acupuncture!) and an induced labor hurts more so that was the most painful one, but only a couple of hours. So when I say childbirth not as bad I mean not a complicated one.

This is so normal. I always sort of thought it was nature trying to replace the person who died. It does feel weird but is very common.

Yeah this is for sure a good situation for "fake it till you make it."

Just say hi to everyone when you see them. Once a day talk to a different person for awhile, you will find out who is more friendly. I'm not naturally social or outgoing and I'm at at ease with that, but people can interpret it as unfriendly, so I try to communicate the way each person likes, to some extent. It may not come naturally to you but YOU ARE NOT ALONE in that. We just learned by practicing.

Oh no. Do you get migraines? That sounds a lot like the visual disturbance that comes before a migraine. Like a colorful something between you and whatever you are trying to look at?

2 groups of 3 kids each, it rained pretty hard. Oh well.

Trunk or treat here started because of churches. They wanted a less pagan version of Halloween. I didn't take my kids to those, they suck the joy out of the holiday. Go show off your costumes to your neighbors! Egg my house if I chase you off! Celebrate, dammit!

It rained here, which drove away all but 2 of the trick or treaters, and also most of the grownups we'd invited to party and who did accept. Grownups are so lame! The kids were probably kept home by their parents, that's not their fault.

I kinda miss living on one of the main trick or treat streets. It was expensive, but so much fun and some of the older kids costumes were great. We would "treat" anyone of any age if costumed, and kept the wee bottles of booze as an option for the adults.

For grownup parties I think we will have to start having dinner parties like a 1960s couple. Or become swingers, surely they still party?

On the upside - we are still in an extreme drought so any rain is welcome. Like, if I had to choose party or rain I'd choose rain, just don't think that needs to be a choice!

Does it matter what he wants? He doesn't sound like relationship material to me. Enjoy yourself and tell him no if he asks for more. You don't have to just because he wants to.

What do you "really like" about him? It's entirely possible to love someone and not want to spend your life with him. Based only on what you wrote I don't get why you'd want more than casual with this person.

So she still likes sex with you, and initiates it, and that is not working for you? I don't think the not shaving is a big deal if you still can go down on her but never oral for you, if she is not bothered by doing it, is not so ok. I don't love it but if he likes it and I tolerate it (meaning there isn't a reason to not want to - like really noxious cum, some guys really do taste foul, or if that's all he wanted to do, or my ex was a once a week guy so if I got him off that way I would be frustrated for another week) I would do it and be turned on by his enjoyment. That seems like a pretty normal way to feel.

Flirting to get in the mood seems a reasonable ask, and something that would work for her too, was her work suffering?

I guess I'm wondering where y'all overlap, what things do you both enjoy?

ETA: I have also unfortunately been in situations where my high sex drive was a turnoff for the guy, like he thought it unladylike or something, like the guy should be the one who wants more. Is there any possibility that's what is going on with you? Like it's not the shaving or whatever, you just get turned off by her asking for it?

It's ok not great I guess? There is a growing disconnect between prices of goods, and wages. Rents and house prices being the biggest example but also electricity, food, gas (I don't drive much but the gas price shows up in other things like food)

We had a party but oof this year it was lame - my grown kids asked me to have one (our house is a great house for a Halloween party) and then took off to other parties instead of bringing their parties here, and none of the grownups I invited came because it rained hard, and we got almost no trick or treaters either, because of the rain.

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I am happy enough just decorating and giving out candy, I do dress up. This year just sort of a Ghostess, dead makeup, long gray dress, inverted pentagram necklace. Simple and effective, I didn't look usual.

The two kids who did stay had scary costumes - one was a data center and one was a Waymo.

It was a bust of a party, it rained and only few people showed up, almost no trick or treaters either. Good drinks and food though and I got to dance in the strobe light room, that is always fun.

Thanksgiving is all-comers at my house, so if you are a thanksgiving orphan you are invited.