this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...

I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).

Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.

CONTENT WARNINGSGrief, body horror and (very debatably IMO) mild gore, supernatural horror (ghosts/"impurities", otherworldly entities), death I suppose though that one's a given

PremiseThe titular Hikaru went for a walk in the woods, died, and something came back wearing his body, something that doesn't quite know how to be human or mortal; "Hikaru" returned, to ensure that his best friend, Yoshiki, would not be lonely. Romantic tension (and tension of a less pleasant kind) ensues.

The plot/things I like about it thus far (light spoilers)Yoshiki and "Hikaru" have an absolutely great dynamic- their relationship may not be fully healthy, but their intentions seem to both be in the right place, as are their deep feelings (Yoshiki's for Hikaru and increasingly for "Hikaru," and Hikaru and "Hikaru's" own true feelings) and honesty in this regard, despite the latter "Hikaru" being effectively an imposter of sorts. (it's complicated, but these are increasingly distinguished separately and I really like that process as well)

"Hikaru" is, while not quite a blank slate, extremely new to the concept of even just "being" in the sense that mortal creatures and individual organisms(?) do. They've had to learn (and Yoshiki has had to confront them about) the value and significance of life and death; they've increasingly established boundaries, and they approach the world with a liveliness and curiousity that is really cute (the original Hikaru was also lively FWIW, but "Hikaru" is experiencing everything anew even if they retain the memories).

Yoshiki, on the other hand, is both grappling with his grief and loss of Hikaru, while finding comfort (and discomfort alike) in his imposter, and in guiding them through a new world or state of being. He's finding his resolve and moral/ethical backbone interacting with "Hikaru" (very blue-and-orange morality dynamics, though they're learning), he's experiencing what could be described as a rocky but determined romance and queer experimentation at the same time "Hikaru" is being introduced to notions of attraction and desire (beyond instinctual desire to consume).

Their pairing in so many ways should not work (or rather would be usually destined for a tragic end). From the start, there have been several points where by all means it should have met such an end. But their determination and willingness to meet the other where they're at and gradually be understanding with the other is both fascinating and something I'd feel optimistic for (and interested in seeing play out further).

Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.


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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Cashier: Any bags?

Me: no I got a good night's sleep gigachad

Then the cashier gave me a weak chuckle.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (7 children)

2025 we're saying beep. spread the word (beep)

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I already did self discovery and came out to everybody and now I have to do it again? Fucking bullshit

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

Today’s going to be a weird day for me. It’s my 10-year anniversary of fully cracking my egg. But instead of going out for dinner with my family, like I originally planned, I’m sitting here all alone being sick. catgirl-cry

Guess I’ll just pull out my most expensive tea and see where the day will take me. And the celbration stuff will have to wait until my official name change that will happen pretty soon anyway.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

animal violenceOne of the dogs managed to catch and kill one of the mice that lives in the garden and I'm devastated, I loved those little guys doggirl-gloom (also 3 people so far have told me stuff like that just happens and I KNOW, but that doesn't make me not sad)

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Was going to say something, but I'm doubting my own doubts in what amounts to some sort of sick paradox. I hope I'll be able to be more active again soon, on both here and tracha, but COVID has taken away any energy I would have had to speak, and I quite literally can't bring myself to do it.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

back at my apartment with my stuffed animals, if only for the weekend

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (4 children)

dieting, weight loss2025 is the year I make it to 8 stone. doggirl-thumbsup

Seeing number go down after completely stagnating over the holidays is kind of giving me a high. doggirl-sweat

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (9 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The question “Can I say something?” is an existential inquiry that implicates the nature of freedom, responsibility, and the self’s relationship to the Other. From Sartre’s perspective, to ask this is to confront the radical freedom of being-for-itself, wherein you alone must choose not only whether to speak but also bear the weight of what that speech signifies. Speech becomes an act of creating meaning in a universe devoid of intrinsic purpose, yet its significance is not yours alone—it emerges in the gaze of the Other, where your words risk objectifying you, transforming you into a being-for-others. Simone de Beauvoir might emphasize the ethical dimension here, as to speak is to assert your existence while engaging in the reciprocity of recognition, which entails both the risk of denying the Other’s freedom and the possibility of authentic solidarity. Thus, the question is not merely about the ability to speak but about whether speaking reflects an authentic affirmation of your freedom or a retreat into inauthenticity, complicity, or silence in the face of the absurd.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

do not chatgpt me

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Feeling the urge to work more on the idea for video game I had despite barely knowing how to program etc. doggirl-tears

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I did it again, checking the old mega all day wondering why no one was posting 😭

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (14 children)

depression and dysphoria ventingstill very much facing this feeling of being behind/too late. i legit feel like i'm 12, but i'm in college for the third time. i hate that i went through college twice as a boy, and that the third time i'm still pretty much a boy. i hate that i am approaching my sexuality and gender from essentially a lack of experience despite being "grown up". how i am the age that i am with so little to show for it in my relationships and in my identity is hard to deal with.

like I'm gonna be excited the first time someone wants to hold hands. that's all it's gonna take. it's like I'm a golden retriever holy shit

it's one of these things where i have to just ask "am i stupid"? like, what am i not getting about any of this. what am i missing? fuck.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

Weird balance of feeling from my top surgery from a month and a half ago. My left boob is numb and my right boob is overly sensitive, but only to pain. >:|

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Read a 550k fanfic in 6 days. catgirl-flop

The start was rough but by the end it was excellent, written over the course of six years, so improvement was to be expected.

Unfortunately it was hetshit, but about a couple that lives rent-free in my incredibly queer head.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

i'm a melancholypilled sadcel entering my despairmaxxing gazingoffintothedistance arc

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

gushingi am not sick anymore!!!!! and um i got to hang out with my gf again for the first time in a while and was so nice :3 (she's so great)

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Feeling exhausted and hateful and bitter and angry and weirdly isolated and just, what the fuck is the moon or whatever doing that's fucking with me at this time of year? I hate absolutely everything except for Dragon Quest.

If you're all very lucky maybe I'll post about Mice Tea sometime soon.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

sat on my glasses but i've recently learned how to do diy readjustments (take that optometrists maddened) so they're all fixed!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Can anyone who's already in 2025 tell me how it is? I think I'll just stay in 2024 if the vibes are off

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

Just as cringe as all the previous years

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

I love you 🫶

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

jerma-herbivore ate like 8 fistful of spinach just now, made the face and everything

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