new transition milestone: partner now makes noises of distress when I ask for help clothes shopping

outside force #1 - state department of births deaths and marriages. (probably bad opsec but fuck it) i was born in the only state in the country that still requires bottom surgery to change the sex on my birth certificate. i don't vote in their elections, i've spent less than a fifth of my life living there, i will never willingly go back, but my legal sex depends on their government policy. there's ways to get around this mattering too much (i.e. passport gender marker) but that requires another series of processes that i've been putting off. the consequences of this were most apparent when the lady updating my legal name on my driver's license asked if i wanted to update my title. i said "yes, of course please" and she typed some shit on her computer before sighing and responding "sorry, i actually can't change it to Miss since your birth certificate states your sex is male." fuuuuuuuuuuck... so these fuckwits say that i'm not legally able to stop being male until i can find someone to fuck around with these gonads i've been blessed (cursed) with? oh and these laws are still standing under the "more progressive" party's state leadership? wow that's so cool

outside force #2 - my partner... ughhh i don't really want to go into this one so i'll keep it short. i love my partner, she loves me. she loves me as a woman, she treats me like a woman, she even fucks me like i'm a woman but she's against "non-necessary surgery". she's scared of the risks and doesn't like the idea of me disliking a part of my body so much that i would undergo expensive, intensive surgery to change it. she's come around to "you do want you want" but i still can't discuss it with her and i really need to talk about this shit with someone (preferably with the person that knows me better than anyone else). i got questions like "do i find someone here or go to Thailand?", "do i want a full vagina or would i be happy with just a labia?", "how do i know this is what i really want?", "what does recovery look like?", "how will this impact our sex life?", and i can't answer them all on my own

(bonus round!) outside forces #3 - family. i've never liked the idea of the tracheal shave. i don't love the prominence of my larynx but i've never been told it looked bad. considering my entire appearance, it is the feature i pay the least attention to. yet, it seems like the closest family i have feel they have the right to ask "so are you going to get surgery for your ~Adam's~ ~apple~?" or casually drop "you know, nobody could tell if it wasn't for your ~Adam's~ ~apple~." i didn't know that people had the power to create a new dysphoria in my mind after months of transitioning but here we are ¯\(ツ)/¯

so what can we learn from all of this? idfk; death to cis, abolish gender, fuck the state? if you have better ideas do let me know :3. i'm not feeling too sad about most of this, mainly just angry but without any kind of outlet (except you peeps, ily trans mega <3)

so i've got a friend who is, ostensibly, a cis het dude who's been making seemingly joking claims to transness and queerness for years now and i'm not certain how i feel about it or what to do about it?

i've had open and frank discussions with him about transness in the past; he's the token cis het in our circle of otherwise entirely queer late bloomers which had at times made him wonder if he may not actually be cis, and i told him that if he wanted or needed to experiment with things like names or pronouns to figure some stuff out we'd be more than happy to be the space where he could do that but he never took us up on the offer.

we've also had conversations about his sexuality; his last long term partner was enby who has taken steps of masc social transition. they were not out when the two started their relationship and got married, so he wasn't certain if this meant he was still straight. i told him at the time he had claim to queerness if he wanted it, but when the cards are on the table he's always said he's het and he always consistently referred to his partner as his wife even after they came out (they were okay with it at the time).

at first i was fine with his joking claims to queerness, like haha yeah it's kinda funny that you're the only one of us who didn't turn out to be queer, but after splitting with his ex he's been showing his whole ass on internalized transphobia and misogyny in other ways and now the jokes just piss me off. having him be like "bUt WhAt iF i'M nOt" every time it's brought up that he's cis or het is just fucking exhausting.

i don't wanna gatekeep because i know he's questioned before and a lot of people i know (myself included) didn't figure out their transness or their sexuality until adulthood, but every time it comes up i just wanna yell at him to shit or get off the pot dude.

am i treating him with kids' gloves? should i be bringing down the fucking hammer? idfk. i'll probably just slowly cut him out.

(self crit: I need to be more disciplined about my Bulgarian split squats, Cossack squats, hip stuff, lunges and my core day. Been a bit of a cardio and leg day sicko lately on the treadmill and leg press and have been neglecting other stuff)

(GodIWishThatWereMe.jpg)

People are making fun of him and I don't really care for his music but I thought he looked hot in the pics ppl are mocking?

Normalize small junk being hot imho, petite meat is cool and good and a lil' bulge is sexy if ppl wanna do that