traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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so i have another rant to go off on, need to write it down so i can move on. warning, it's very long and might include things you don't want to read
i got surgery on my mind cw: bottom/trachea surgery, dysphoria, transphobia
i think i want bottom surgery, i mean i'm pretty sure of it now. i was saying shit like "if i lived in a cyberpunk-type universe i'd be getting a robopussy immediately" years before my egg cracked so honestly it doesn't feel too new. i would wonder about how the sensations and experience would feel and how it would differ from my own. but i really wish these feelings were uninfluenced by outside forces so i could be confident that they are mineoutside force #1 - state department of births deaths and marriages. (probably bad opsec but fuck it) i was born in the only state in the country that still requires bottom surgery to change the sex on my birth certificate. i don't vote in their elections, i've spent less than a fifth of my life living there, i will never willingly go back, but my legal sex depends on their government policy. there's ways to get around this mattering too much (i.e. passport gender marker) but that requires another series of processes that i've been putting off. the consequences of this were most apparent when the lady updating my legal name on my driver's license asked if i wanted to update my title. i said "yes, of course please" and she typed some shit on her computer before sighing and responding "sorry, i actually can't change it to Miss since your birth certificate states your sex is male." fuuuuuuuuuuck... so these fuckwits say that i'm not legally able to stop being male until i can find someone to fuck around with these gonads i've been blessed (cursed) with? oh and these laws are still standing under the "more progressive" party's state leadership? wow that's so cool
outside force #2 - my partner... ughhh i don't really want to go into this one so i'll keep it short. i love my partner, she loves me. she loves me as a woman, she treats me like a woman, she even fucks me like i'm a woman but she's against "non-necessary surgery". she's scared of the risks and doesn't like the idea of me disliking a part of my body so much that i would undergo expensive, intensive surgery to change it. she's come around to "you do want you want" but i still can't discuss it with her and i really need to talk about this shit with someone (preferably with the person that knows me better than anyone else). i got questions like "do i find someone here or go to Thailand?", "do i want a full vagina or would i be happy with just a labia?", "how do i know this is what i really want?", "what does recovery look like?", "how will this impact our sex life?", and i can't answer them all on my own
(bonus round!) outside forces #3 - family. i've never liked the idea of the tracheal shave. i don't love the prominence of my larynx but i've never been told it looked bad. considering my entire appearance, it is the feature i pay the least attention to. yet, it seems like the closest family i have feel they have the right to ask "so are you going to get surgery for your ~Adam's~ ~apple~?" or casually drop "you know, nobody could tell if it wasn't for your ~Adam's~ ~apple~." i didn't know that people had the power to create a new dysphoria in my mind after months of transitioning but here we are ¯\(ツ)/¯
so what can we learn from all of this? idfk; death to cis, abolish gender, fuck the state? if you have better ideas do let me know :3. i'm not feeling too sad about most of this, mainly just angry but without any kind of outlet (except you peeps, ily trans mega <3)
This seems like a pretty good takeaway to me honestly.
Also just wanted to say, I'm sorry your partner won't discuss any of this with you. She really should support you in that respect.
i learned from the best
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yeah she should... it's hard to expect so much understanding from someone that's cis (not to excuse anything but she has come a long way from how she used to think so it's hard to keep asking for more). i def get why t4t is a thingspoiler
The whole "unnecessary" surgery thing I've only ever seen as deeply reactionary, myself. Really do hate it powerfully. What's the logical extension, any kind of cosmetic surgery bad??? Not very serious thoughts at play.It is disappointing that the cis keep proving my point on why t4t a thing, but they can always just do better...... I hope she does for you, someday.
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I dunno where you live but you should be able to get your birth certificate amended to female. You shouldn't need an orchi for that. I changed mine (Canada) just at a registry and a month and a half later they sent me a reminder to have my cervix examined lmao. I kept the letter, but good luck to any doctor that tries I do not have oneSome of those concerns are valid, it is something to figure out pre surgery if you want zero depth or if you want to have penetration. Dilating can be onerous and annoying, especially the first few months after surgery. You shouldn't be having sex for the first while so yes it will literally impact your sex life with her. It's not your partners body and I don't think she's gonna get it which is going to be frustrating. You seem to very eagerly want a vagina, this is something you can get and it seems to cause you some level of distress without one. Your partner doesn't have to live with the same dysphoria you do. I can't say it won't change anything between you and her but if she's mostly been supportive I think she'll continue to be even if she's anxious about it or your identity as a woman is becoming more real
I had a tracheal shave and I found it quite helpful for myself and for passing! Plenty of cis girls have a more prominent tracheal bump (I've met some). If it doesn't cause you dysphoria, then tell your family to fuck off and move on in life without it. For me, it also didn't like remove my Adam's apple, it just very very reduced it. Didn't affect my voice or anything else.
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consulting transhub for this since they've been pretty reliable for all things Aus-specificit is what it is but i reserve the right to be pissed
honestly i think there's been many such cases of this since i transitioned and every time it actually came down to it, she has been supportive. so yeah, i'm hoping it's just looming anxieties that will eventually be resolved but it weighs on my mind
that's good to hear! my main concern if i did decide to go through with it was damage to my voice so thanks for the reassurance. i feel pretty indifferent to the surgery - i'm leaning more into it but i don't want to do it just to make some cis people more comfortable iykwim
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Well that's just annoying about NSW wow.