No Stupid Questions

Ignoring the fact that coffee beans aren't beans, for the same reason we don't make tea with just any leaf. Someone braver than you tried it and it was disgusting.

Coffee isn’t a true bean—it’s more closely related to gardenias.

Instructions unclear, made chili

A lot of things in botany have similar names, but are totally different things. A "strawberry" is a berry only by names (it's closest relative is the hazelnut, IIRC), a "peanut" is no nut, either.

So it should not surprize when one learns that the Cofea plant is a Rubiaceae family plant, not a Fabaceae/Leguminosae family plant, i.e. what we commonly call "beans" like green beans, peas, or, amazingly, peanuts. It is just called a "coffee bean" because it reminded someone back in time of a bean, shapewise.

A vanilla soy late is actually a 3 bean soup.

coffee is a seed, not a bean, pulse, or legume.

We do in some cases, you've basically described hot coca for instance. But yeah, you might be onto something, roast up some kidney beans and see what happens.

Coffee "beans" are closer to cherry pits than any real bean.

I drank it in Taiwan among other very low sugar juices that I prefer over plain water. It's just one of many drinks made from ingredients we never thought of, like mushroom drinks and cereal grain drinks. The bean drink must have been forgettable enough that I can't describe the taste after four years away.

https://www.agv.com.tw/product-category/beverages/

but we don't know if we don't try

Someone probably already tried. Every time you are asking yourself "am I the first one to think of x?", the answer is usually no.

No caffeine yo, that's where it's at for most people. But hey, ain't nobody gonna stop you from trying. Let us know how it goes if you ever do try.

You should know that undercooked beans can be poisonous, and it is best to soak them before cooking.

If you do try this please prepare the beans properly first.

I strongly suspect that many of these things have already, uh, been tried.

As for those that clearly made it through at least one round of testing, a self-styled "Weird Explorer" has a YouTube series called "That's not coffee" where he - and occasionally a friend or two - reviews some of them.

Not sure if there's anyone on there who has tried roasting and grinding other sorts of beans for science though. The closest I can think of is the various creators making tofu alternatives from beans that aren't soy, which kind of turns the whole thing on its head: Could you make a tofu from coffee beans? (I'm guessing not, but that's another for-science idea.)

Because we're not criminally insane.

But since we're on this fascinating topic, here's a Youtube video about other things people have tried to substitute for coffee during the American civil war. (Hint: not beans.)

ITT: Because it would be and possibly poisonous.

Because it would taste disgusting, and it doesn't have caffeine, so there's no motivation to drink it.

We have coffee. We have tea.

I assume humans have run hot water through every conceivable plant grounds to see what it would taste like.

Edit: I need to see what dried beans I have and maybe go shopping. I will give this a try with a couple different types of beans and report back if I fart or not.

Hope you have some alpha-galactosidase at your disposal.

The simplified explanation: A reason beans give some people gas is due to certain types of sugars and carbohydrates they contain. Those sugars are water soluble. Seems like brewing beans would concentrate those sugars and lead to epic tootage.

Also, one method for reducing how much gas that beans cause is to soak them in lots of water. Basically, soak them for up to 8 hours, drain, rinse, and repeat a couple more times. It works on the same principal, that the soaking process will remove at least some of the problematic, water soluble sugars. Supposedly adding a small amount of baking soda helps, too. I'm less certain about that.

Coffee beans aren't beans. There are some beans that are roasted as a substitute for coffee, like the seeds of the Kentucky coffeetree. In times of shortage, people have tried many things to replace coffee, like dandelion and chicory root. For the most part, the substitutes arent as good as the original, so people don't stick with them. There's a chance someone has tried to roast and brew pinto beans or whatever, but they probably taste bad.

That's kind of what aquafaba is but you don't need to grind or roast them, because most times you want aquafaba to be quite thick. I don't know how often it's used elsewhere but I know it can replace egg whites in coctails that call for egg whites.

My elderly relative in Germany used to drink Caro? Carro? coffee. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caro_(drink) Barely, Rye, and Chicory. Chicory, if I recall correctly is still in various things, including Fiber Snack Bars. I had to look it up since I didn't know what it was and wanted to know if it was bad for me in some way. Turns out, as usual, I should be more concerned about the copious amounts of sugar.

Isn't that what black bean soup is?

Because of the taste? While it's not common to brew a drink with other beans, we eat them all the time, and it's pretty obvious in doing so that they aren't flavors that lend themselves to a beverage.

Coffee beans are actually the seed of a more traditional "fruit" (ie, sweet and acidic) rather than a legume like other beans (also technically seeds, but vegetal in flavor, with an entirely different taste and texture). You're basically just going to get a weak broth from traditional beans.

Similarly, people have tried steeping every type of leaf, plant, and fruit out there in water, but it's a pretty limited list that remains popularly used for tea, as it's a pretty limited list (relative to the incredible diversity of plant life) that actually tastes good that way.

People use mushrooms, various roots (like chicory), other fruity seeds, and more to create coffee-like drinks, and/so with the number of people and cultures out there with their own tastes and traditions, it's a relatively safe bet that if people aren't drinking it anywhere in the world, it's because they've tried it and it just doesn't taste good.

Coffee comes from cherrys