chat

Frankly I don't like it either. I wish we had a more egalitarian language for talking about sexual relations with a partner. Maybe that could contribute towards building a culture about mutual appreciation for both partners needs. I wish the sex culture in general emphasized that more instead of putting so much emphasis on this dominance/submission role stuff.

This is also reproduced in gay male sexual culture as I'm starting to find out. Like, why can't people just have fun together and not make it about reproducing our societies's hierarchies for once. No, we still have to get frazzled over who is literally on top.

Ive spent too much time around men when they think theres no women around, or almost worse, when they think theres only one woman. The way they talk about sex is revolting most of the time.

Re: porn, its gross how much erotic lit is filled with racist, sexist bullshit, i thought it would be a good escape, the best thing is to write your own ig.

There is a reason that our language considers shit like "Get fucked" "Fuck you" and "I'm going to fuck you up" as insults.

adding on to your point, there's also "this sucks" and "suck my dick/balls" and "they suck X's dick" - all demeaning and insulting phrases. It's simultaneously homophobic and misogynist, as it's fundamentally bad to be the "sucker" and good to be the "suckee".

This also ties into homophobia. They don't hate gay people per say, they hate men being "dominated" by penetration and being precised as feminine. It's an assault and a threat to their group privilege. What they really hate is women because, and just as with racism, they need to dehumanize their victims to rationalize the exploitation.

Also anyone who's been around a group of guys at least in the Midwest were I'm from, can vouch that a lot of dudes just think of women as a pussy, some boobs and ass and a pleasure object.

I've gotten pretty pissed before listening to shitheads talking about my friends like sex objects and not humans

In a few sentences you've summed up a few articles/videos/books on feminism, which is impressive. Language used for sex is steeped in misogyny

I'm convinced the reason a lot of men can't have a healthy relationship, especially but not exclusively chud men, is that they see sex as a transactional exchange and not something that people do together for mutual fun. It seems like a lot of scenes really push this as a kink, like findom and femdom.

Is there any good books you guys know of about misogyny and men who hate women?

Among young single guys, there's this idea that sex is the most pleasurable, meaningful experience you could have. But even they don't really believe it.

If they look deep down, actual sex doesn't really matter. Not the pleasure, not the mutual engagement in an activity with someone who wants to do it with you, no. What really matters is that your (masculine) friends believe you're the sort of person that could get laid. And not just laid, but laid by people they think of as hot. Valuable. That someone would give it up to say they had been with you, someone that acts as a gatekeeper to how seriously your friends will take you.

And what else could sex be used for? Mass producing the next generation of your nation's soldiers and workers, something that floats around in the back of a dude's mind.

Pleasure is a distant third for motivating the sorts of weirdness and violence that cishet men have around sex.