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Sex is used as a tool of humiliation against women WhY dOn'T WoMeN WaNt To hAvE SeX AnYmOrE?!? [CW: talking about sexual violence] (hexbear.net)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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This might be a hot take, but people don't seem to realise that like... how do I explain this...

well let me put it this way;

In modern society, think about how sex is described for women. Women don't fuck, they get fucked. Think about how porn describes women being fucked. They get dominated, they get destroyed.

Think about how much porn is about rape, choking and other violence against women.

this type of talk dominates how cis dudes talk about sex with women, don't pretend it doesn't.

There is a reason that our language considers shit like "Get fucked" "Fuck you" and "I'm going to fuck you up" as insults. To fuck someone is to be the victor, to be fucked is to be humiliated, to be destroyed and dehumanised.

I mean, thankfully women are slowly taking back sex as something good and fun and empowering. But that history of sex as violent still lingers.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm convinced the reason a lot of men can't have a healthy relationship, especially but not exclusively chud men, is that they see sex as a transactional exchange and not something that people do together for mutual fun. It seems like a lot of scenes really push this as a kink, like findom and femdom.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Careful with ascribing societies ills to kink. Kink is mostly people recognizing how sex is used violently in the culture then seizing that and transforming it in to something that gives them agency, power, and control. Kink reflects cultural violence, but the mirror is upside down and backwards. Aabusive people in kink spaces are doing the same things abusive people outside kink spaces do, but with leather pants.

The rest of the people in kink spaces are not doing sex the way the rest of the culture does and are often using consent practices and attitudes towards sex as a place of power and joy thatjust aren't present in polite society.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

Kink is totally fine. As you said, it's just a reflection of the violence of the culture, but not necessarily an expression of that violence.

I thought of adding a "to do a kink is totally fine" message to my comment, but I was a bit lazy. Sorry.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago

they see sex as a transactional

The "I did everything I was supposed to" dudes telling on themselves that it's just some formula to get "access".