In hindsight replying to my mother whose asked "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't joined a cult?" With "the only cult is the one I've escaped! The cult of Masculinity which has oppressed women, Cis and trans, for over five thousand years!" Sounds pretty cult-y, even if it's true.
Converts are always the biggest zealots I guess
Showed my sister a picture of my new haircut an she thought I had a filter on cause my skin looked so nice
Okay, as much as I bragged about being a vein whisperer... I'm actually perfect at doing catheter placements. Biological sex, whatever is going on down there, I can get a foley in. Baby? Got it. I have literally never missed once. I have never curled it in someones foreskin, I have never placed it in the vagina and not the urethra. I do not brag about it because I don't wanna be the foley gal... but I am really really good at it and making it fast and as painless as possible
One year ago today I fully realized I’m trans and decided to come out to friends online. 2 weeks later I started HRT. Still not out at work, but I feel like I’ve at least come a long way since last year.
EDIT: That night I was drinking a bit and listening to this over and over to hype myself up: https://youtu.be/yZZA5k4ovxQ
hell yeah!
wait there was a 2 week gap between you realizing you were trans and then starting HRT? damn, nice
I didn't realize I was truly trans until like 4 weeks on estrogen. I was just doing a science experiment to make sure I didn't regret not starting estrogen.
I knew I was some flavor of trans like 2 years before I started E, but was still quite unsure when I started E - realized I'd never make any progress if I didn't just try it. That changed fairly quickly and the longer I've been on it, the more certain I've become I don't want to lose it regardless of gender. Wish I had started earlier. Before starting, I did come to the conclusion that I certainly would not regret taking E even if it resulted in usual long-term effects.
Yep, I dove right into it lol. Had some BIG help from my trans godmother in both realizing I was trans and getting DIY ordered, which only took about a week.
lmao and i thought me jumping into it after 2 months was still too quick
I also watched I Saw the TV Glow right after and that helped to push me into taking quick action. I’ve spent far too much of my life being cis and didn’t want to waste any more time.
Getting less comments on the fanfic that I like writing more compared to the one with longer chapters
Won't link it bc idk if that's doxxing or not
Happy pride month everyone!
Never forget you're infinitely more based than any cis person could ever hope to be - even if it's hard to feel good sometimes. It's been rough this year, but at least now we can legally kill one cis person a day for the entire month. Hope you're all doing okay 💜
CW parental transphobia
JFC my parents in law broke radio silence after ghosting us for four days, with amazing points such as:
-her mother is sick little birthday girl so we can’t be mad at her
-they feel abandoned. That is despite them not responding to our messages and sending none of their own
-they feel they can’t tell anyone as they’ve been made to hold this secret, we told them we were telling them first prior to my immediate exiting of the closet the next day,
-misunderstood comments like this was a process of discovery over several years from gender fluidity to non binary to clarity, and implied I had secretly decided I was a woman 5 years ago and not told them (god I wish)
-then proceeded a bunch of pestering questions only at me because my partner is interstate for work and posting pics, like I’d have small chat after all that
-and it’s at 10pm before a Monday with shit I’ve got to do and now I’m cooking hot dogs and reading Dorley Hall to calm down
That sucks so much. I'm sorry they're being shitty about this. Hope the 10pm hot dogs help, that sounds good
Thank you. Yeah we were just completely blindsided by this, they had been really welcoming and accepting to my trans sibling historically.
I have four hot dogs and I’ll try to finish my book, both will improve things,
Thanks everybody!
Of course! Enjoy the book :3
I hope they get their shit together soon
was a process of discovery over several years from gender fluidity to non binary to clarity
God, thank you for describing my process exactly.
Had a bit of a bummer day yesterday (nothing major, just went to town despite my friends cancelling their plans for understandable reasons, and ended up a bit bored and lonely), but I had a dream last night where I was clearly and unambiguously a woman. Most of my dreams involve me in a pre-transition state, so that was very nice and affirming to have.
Big fan of girl dreams. I post like every time I have one.
My favorite was the time I beat the crap out of a bunch of unsavory men with a blunted fencing saber.
Do you know those dreams where you know a fact to be undeniably true without necessary any source of evidence? Like you see a guy and know he’s a postman even though he never said he was and isn’t wearing a uniform?
After starting HRT I had so many of those where’d I be doing something but as a woman, and like nothing would be about me being a woman, but simply I knew I was in the dream as I did something else menial or absurd.
Yeah, definitely.
For me, it's as simple as wearing a dress or something in the dream and it not being one of those "omfg I'm wearing a dress in public I have to change also I'm now naked" type dreams
Also, used my femme voice in my most recent dream~
In nursing school and at work we did personality tests, my union paid some organization for their custom 4 colour personality test (which more or less is the DISC model just relabeled). Personality tests, to me, are more about just for fun rather than anything serious.
I dunno if I've talked about it here but I was the sole Red in a sea of Blue and Greens with a smattering of Yellows. At work, same deal - I am still the only lonely Red. Red is the Doninance in DISC. Strong willed, ambitious, dominant, you know that kind of thing. The feedback I've got from my manager is that I need to practice better delegation and not just take over. Why must I be a Red WHYYYY
I also think they're silly but do kind of love personality tests.
I had a couple courses in uni where the prof had us take some, one of them was like the OCEAN test or something and had Agreeableness as one of the measures... I remember the prof told me that, by the numbers of the test, I was "the most disagreeable student to ever take the class"
one of gender-affirming-but-shitty things I do to myself is looking at posts from trans girls living the kind of life I wish I had and letting myself obsess over how jealous I am of them it until it stews into self hatred
this never happened when I looked at posts from conventionally successful men when I thought I was one of them
It's definitely frustrating to feel far from where you want to be, especially seeing people already experiencing it. Accepting being trans and starting HRT are both pretty important steps in that direction though.
What's next on your list of things to do?
I'd like to make friends who I feel comfortable being myself around. But tbh there's still a lot of things I feel dysphoric about before I'm even willing to go out in public presenting in a feminine way, especially with my face, so I guess fixing my face is the next step lol.
Was playing some kiwami 2 until my ps4 kept overheating so switched to my ps3 to play some yakuza 4. I was a bit of a weinie by not doing the substories for it when I first beat the game so I'm remedying that now and I think they alright so far. What I been doing is considering these games done when I do the Amon fights which unlock when you do all the substories so it give me some repeatability for them. I really want infinite wealth already but I'm broke so it'll have to wait.
I have a feeling there's not gonna be a book
I want Steve’s Lava Chicken
l-l-l-lava
chia pet reference?
no what we watched the movie together
this is why you tag the damn reference
Reading This Is How You Lose the Time War and omg it is such a good book, I'll post more thoughts tonight when I'm done (particularly got a lot of thoughts on its themes) but taking a short break so I can eat and I just gotta gush about it a bit
spoilers
I love Red and Blue so much. Red has such a sweet naïveté and inexperience that belies a genuine and infectious enthusiasm. I find her utterly adorable. Blue meanwhile is such a fun romantic; eloquent and flirty yet also truly sweet and interested, hungering for that intimacy. While I relate to both, she's the one that feels closer to myself, honestly. Particularly her flirting is very me. Red feels more like someone I'd want to cherish, even if often her naïveté feels close to home.
And gods the prose! It's so good and creative and beautiful. There's been so many descriptions that made my jaw drop as I read them since they were so gorgeously vivid yet brief. Like, to take an example from the first chapter:
"A tremor passes through the soil--do not call it earth. The planet dies. Crickets chirp. Crickets survive, for now, among the crashed ships and broken bodies on this crumbling plain. Silver moss devours steel, and violet flowers choke the dead guns. If the planet lasted long enough, the vines that sprout from the corpses' mouths would grow berries.
It won't, and neither will they."
Aw! I loved it so much, it was adorable. It's short too. I tried to get someone else to read it but she couldn't bring herself to do it (ADHD)
Yuri enemies to lover time war shenanigans~
spoiler
It was interesting how much they both influenced each other across time, both of their most key moments that made them them ended up being influenced by the other in secret ways.
The ending was heart wrenching, I'm really glad they didn't go tragic doomed yuri mode and let the problem get solved
as i logged on my bearsite i saw a new tagline! it was a silly one, completely contextless, no way to know what it means. but this time i was there, in the silly thread when it came to be! i get it! I'm chuffed haha, so here for this.
completely contextless
impossible
hehe btw it was
EDIT: HE FOUND THE STRAINER
lmao I’m pretty sure I remember that thread too
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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