this may be early, don't worry about it, pin it whenever
First mega wooo, now I get to have my inbox flooded!
Friendship ended with coffee, now tea is my best friend. No promises but I'll try to post about a different tea each day!
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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How the hell do people pick names? I went to a local thing for shy queer people and felt like I was gonna collapse when we went around and the only name I had to give them was my given name. I need to turn it into a deadname.
I've been wanting to defer coming out and transitioning until I move out of my parents place, but after a talk with some people in the traachaa, coming out and starting ASAP might be the only viable option. I'm starting to get more and more upset at them for (from their perspective, lacking the context I'm hiding from them) no reason.
I know I don't need to justify myself to them, but I don't think I'll be able to do it if I'm still calling myself my (hopefully soon to be) deadname.
Edit: Thank you everyone.
I really liked my new name, I looked through a bunch and their meanings and I picked the one I resonated with most! After I picked it, years after, my mom said it was the name she wouldve given me if Id been AFAB so that was nice kismet
i went with a femme leaning gender neutral name that shares the first few letters of my government name
means i can keep the shortening that i like
My name I'm trying out is exceedingly common for my demographic and has a hilarious meaning given the kind of person I am
I went through multiple names before I chose mine. I started with a unisex name when I was an insecure baby trans, but the name didn't really fit me or my personality. Went through a couple names that were feminine and less commonly used for like a month until I finally settled on my name after looking at a list of top baby names for my birth year and picked the one that stuck out most. I thought I picked it from just vibes, but it came to me some time after that there were similarities to my deadname; same number of syllables, same ending sound, a near-rhyme middle sound. I gave myself a new last name and together with my first I went from x letters in first (nick)name, y letters in last name to y letters in first name, x letters in last name. My brain was cooking without my own awareness. It was def from the experimentation process and giving myself the time to churn through the possibilities.
One of the names I'm floating around in my head is like this.
Sounds like a sign to try it out and see if you like it!
I picked a name that I could fit letters from my deadname into, because I wanted to memorialize that part of my life while still leaving it behind. That's not for everyone, some people want to just leave that shit behind and forget about it, but I like it.
Probably helps that I had long since shorted my deadname to be something gender neutral when I was still eggy and had no idea why I was doing that.
I thought for a bit about a name that would be meaningful to me, and pretty quickly landed on a certain very girly anime that I fell in love with when I was an egg and deeply suppressing everything. I thought it would be weird and probably cringe for me to have a Japanese name but there was one character in the show… So I tried the name out and loved it and ever since.
It helped me a lot when a friend told me that i do not have to stick to the first name i choose and that it's ok to try things out. I also see in my friend group that a lot of people have several names and use one mostly around their family and for other "public" stuff and then have a "friend name" that we use amongst each other, and usually both of these are official names that are on our legal documents and all.
It's not only ok to experiment, it's a necessary part of transitioning.
It's still daunting knowing it doesn't have to be permanent and that I can have as many as I want. But it also still helps to be reminded. Thank you.
Yeah I'm accumulating names like a katamari ball.
this is real, my name evolved quite a a bit! those earlier names felt right during the times i used them and now i feel really at home with my current name but it took some time to get there.
still use an older (more masc) legal name with acquaintances and family (this is i think in part because i look more androgynous / fem and making them use an unabashedly masc name is a bit like keeping them in check lol) and my more me name with everyone i'm closer to :3
been there comrade. at my first local trans meetup, i dressed masc and introduced myself with my deadname. i wanted to die, it was really hard to show up so inauthentically to a crowd of authentic people
my strategy was a list, made a list and wrote a bit about why i did or didn’t feel attracted to certain names. idk if you’re american but i also used the social security baby names list from the year i was born to check vibes https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/
Mine is just a long standing favorite. A name I had stuck in my head for years and years. We'll see where it goes. I have a nickname I like too. Might look to explore more names too, I do still need a middle name.
Took me literally years and multiple names.
convoluted name finding method:
What ended up working for me was to find a concept that you feel connection with, and take the root word for that. It can be in your mother tongue, a language thats culturally meaningful to you, whatever. But take the root word. Then take sounds that you like. Doesnt have to have meaning. Just short sounds ("ah", "lo", like genuinely the smallest sounds of language). And modulate and change the root using them.
Start with affixes, either putting letters on the ends. Or putting them in the middle. that long vowel? Turn it into a diftong. Whatever feels good in your mouth. Modify the word, change its vowels and consonants out. Make it yours. To my eyes, you dont want the root word to be recognizable any more. It is important, but people change over time. Make it meaningful to you, but not something that is clearly the root word. For example if you love the night, go Night->nait(simplify spelling)->nait-e->naie(/naie:/ or /na‿ie:/ (sorry I'm bad at typing IPA)). Naie! Bad example cause its not meaningful to me, but its kinda how it goes.
Then you can start worrying about spelling and whether or not people will know how to pronounce your name.
But yeah it took me years, I went thru like 4 names (and many many more online) before I found my name. And it is mine. It is mine and only mine (though other people can of course have it as their name, just the meaning it has for me is mine). I love it and it is a symbol of me and that symbol is accurate and clear and correct and beautiful.