definitely not just uploading a picture of one of my plants because i forgot about this mega
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Please follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct
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Selfies are not permitted for the personal safety of users.
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No personal identifying information may be posted or commented.
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Stay on topic (trans/gender stuff).
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Bring a trans friend!
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Any image post that gets 200 upvotes with "banner" or "rule 6" in the title becomes the new banner.
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Posts about dysphoria/trauma/transphobia should be NSFW tagged for community health purposes.
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When made outside of NSFW tagged posts, comments about dysphoria/traumatic/transphobic material should be spoiler tagged.
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Arguing in favor of transmedicalism is unacceptable. This is an inclusive and intersectional community.
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While this is mostly a meme community, we allow most trans related posts as we grow the trans community on the fediverse.
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Remember to report rulebreaking posts, don't assume someone else has already done it!
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Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://rentry.co/tracha (Includes rules and invite link)
WEBRINGS:
🏳️⚧️ Transmasculine Pride Ring 🏳️⚧️
I think I'm starting to understand why trans people tend to stop interacting with trans spaces after a few years. There just, isn't anything for me in them anymore now that I'm 6 years in and mostly done with the big steps. Like, they're so oriented towards people in the first few years of transition, and I get that, those people need lots of help finding their way and support while going through some big changes and often tough shit, but there's just, no space that isn't that. There is no "I've been transing for 6 years and have gone through most of this shit already" space. And now it feels a bit isolating honestly, these spaces that used to be a huge comfort just aren't to me anymore, and there's no real alternative for me to move on to.
Like 2 years ago I would have baulked at the idea and insisted how I can always shift towards more of a helper/big sister role and how I'll never get tired of that, but now? I've done that, a lot. It kept blowing up in my face when the kids ignore the boundaries I set or generally refuse to actually engage with the things I say while instead just wanting comfort and little else and idk. At a certain point I feel like I'm just repeating the same things and nothing's changing. I think they probably need to just learn by doing after the first few times because the repetition clearly isn't helping. Obviously they do need the comfort and help, but it shouldn't be an excuse to avoid working on themselves too, yet it feels like it always ends up that way barring a few exceptions. I can't be a saint always there for them, and I think I need to finally let myself accept that and just stop neglecting my own needs and give myself some grace about it. Empathy is a (Aristotelian, I'm a dorky philosopher shush) virtue, but so is temperance, I need to recognise my limits more and be kinder to myself about not being literally perfect all the time, I obviously can't be.
Not to mention me getting busier, I'm starting my Masters in 2 months, with a TA position already lined up for me and a new thesis I need to start researching and preparing for. I frankly do not have the time to spend in trans communities that I used to, especially big sistering kids, and even more especially when I get so little out of my time in them now. I guess this is just growing up though, oh well.
I definitely like groups where its a mix of how long people have been transing, I get why support groups can feel like a total downer though. I see it too. I deal with people all day who are sick or injured and sometimes its because they haven't followed any medical advice or were not compliant with meds - so my tolerance for how much repetition there is is naturally higher.
Its definitely hard to read or speak with people in a lot of pain and dysphoria week after week and also seeing the steps they could take but aren't to make their lives better (at least less miserable).
Yeah, mixed groups are nicer, but even they still feel more oriented towards people early in transition a lot of the time. It still just feels like there's very little for me in them now. I'll probably still keep active in some of them (like here and tracha) but I don't see the point in staying active in a lot of the ones I used to be in nowadays. I think it's fine though, I moved a lot as a kid so I'm very used to leaving communities and friends behind, it just feels bittersweet.
Honestly the dysphoria isn't the hard part for me weirdly? It's really the repetition itself. Some of the kids I was sistering would do it literally every time we'd talk and at a point I noticed myself subconsciously avoiding them because of it. Probably shitty of me, but I need time off, I already tutor young kids (and soon young adults) for work, I can't always be in support Sery mode, so sometimes I should be a little shitty, as a treat.
Well shit, you can't be everyone's big sister. That sounds like a full time job, that should come with wages and benefits and your own mental health support resources for when it gets to be overwhelming.
Yeah, it should. We need to start the trans big sister fund for overly maternal trans girls to get the support we need.
More seriously yeah, in the past few months where I was mostly disconnected from trans internet spaces I just felt so much less tired. Well I was tired but that was burnout from working full time hours and writing 2 theses. Never do that it fucking sucks I am so mad at myself. Genuinely needed months to recover and then properly write the theses.
This shit is so real cause I can even recognise this kinda behaviour in myself and hate it when I act like that.
It must be so much more frustrating from the other side.
I do sometimes too. I used to a lot more often. Part of why I find it so frustrating is because I used to do it and I recognise now that it didn't help me at all in the long run.
Also to be clear I don't just mean needing comfort sometimes, everybody needs that and it's good to have friends who you trust and are comfortable with for that. I mean very specifically the ignorance of boundaries (seriously cannot emphasise enough how frustrating it is to set one "please don't come to me about this subject I will not be able to help you with it due to my own flaws" and have people just, insist on it anyways.) and the unwillingness to work on yourself. For the latter the comfort is never going to amount to anything without taking that extra step. something something "no one is ever going to save you if you don't try to save yourself" something something. It's cliche but mental stuff is actually seriously important and you really do need to try to push yourself to get any better. At least I did.
Yeah that's gotta be very uncomfortable. People need to understand that big sis is just 4 years older than you, she ain't your professor.
Have to say this to my self every day