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alright gang, we need another win over the news mega this week! keep those numbers up and keep being trans as hell 
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relationship stuff
As many newer books as there are on this, I recommend The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy for being staunchly feminist without being overbearingly lib-brained. Other books will teach you how to shop around, more or less, but The Ethical Slut is about being completely and politically in love. That said, it was written a few decades ago, so it can seem a touch outdated in basic terinology, but the authors don't make an effort to exclude anyone and the advice is often applicable to anyone. More modern books can feel a bit geared to cis/straight couples and their proliclivities and relationship styles in the dating scene despite trying to be inclusive.
I would also recommend The Communism of Love by Richard Gilman-Opalsky. It's not really a book about dating and is moreso a book about understanding human relationships under capitalism, but the topics can be generally applied to polyamory given that it consists of human relationships. The author is an American college professor so his takes on communism are colored a bit by that, but generally his feelings on how communism relates to relationships hold a lot of water. It's good for being able to name your emotions when it comes to being part of a community.
A good list of definitions you'll see often in modern poly circles.
What you seem to be talking about might be platonic or queerplatonic relationships, which is rather normal. But just to clear it up, is the relationship between you and your partner romantic without the sexual component or are you two in a sexual relationship while it's expected that your other partners will be romantic only?
She doesn't like sex basically. So, I'm free to find another partner if I want sex.
I'm mostly trying to figure out what to do with my own sexual energy.
If neither of you have done poly stuff before, there are a lot of potential landmines for jealousy to spring up in this particular scenario. It's important to not catastrophize or minimize jealousy, but treat it like a signal that one or more parties anticipate imbalances. To work through it you have to consider the needs of all parties involved. Ensuring attention is spread evenly takes practice and effort.
To your second point, you're doing well by not acting on impulse and taking the time to think about who you are. What I would suggest is to open your mind to the possibilities, and simulate where they might lead. Your partners will not be predictable. You could find someone who neatly falls into your criteria and is "safe" in that regard. Or you could meet someone who develops impassioned feelings for you over time and, you might find you feel the same way about them. But what would you do if they have desires and you want to rein in it? How would you deal with that friction?
When dealing with people you can't lock them into a mold of your ideals. More relationships = more variables to contend with. You may have to find yourself coming to terms with your libido while looking someone else in the eyes, whether you like it or not.
She's poly and has no jealousy. I'm disabled and a lot less secure
I hadn't given much thought to the third person and how this would land on them. I'm cute and kind but don't even have the material conditions to take care of myself. So, I tend to think of myself as undatable, which is also a big part of my fear, both of being rejected and used for sex. The idea of finding love outside the relationship feels more like a thought experiment in other words, rather than an actionable idea.
I'm hoping my libido will dry out. Or that my gfs will light up. I've been celebate for several months as an adult. Intentionally avoiding self pleasure even. So, I think it's possible for my libido to get the message if I don't feed it. Right now there's a lot of habit energy though and difficult communication with my gf.
The queerplatonic link is helpful and was what I was looking for. Thanks!
Nice! I would still rec the other stuff for thoroughness if you're not familiar. Poly in LTRs tends to be about communication, communication, and more communication.