traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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As some of you know, I am thinking about coming out... maybe not immediately but I am thinking about it. One of my big worries is them not understanding, and doing things that might hurt me without meaning to (am fragile ) Obviously I can explain things to them, but I don't want to have to explain everything. Its hard enough being a baby trans without having to explain everything to a cis person.
So my question is what resources would you recommend a cis person read/watch/whatever to better understand a trans person? I'd look at anything you suggested as well obviously, and with that I'm sure explaining would be easier, but being able to offload some of it would be very nice. Any recommendations would be appreciated
Added concerns
They are christian and probably think I'm going to hell for this. Not that I care what they think about that, lmao, but also they haven't pestered me about going to hell in forever (I'm a bad girl who was already going) but just to give you an idea where they might be at. But they're the like, "gays are going to hell for living in sin, but that's their issue to work out with god" kinda christian if that makes sense. I don't know, anything I can give them to help them understand and alleviate things a little for me would be really nice.I've been sitting here thinking about it to. I guess I'm lucky in that my mother has no hardcore religious beliefs, but she's only really understanding enough to be polite. Once the person leaves the room she's misgendering and dead-naming left and right. She might correct herself if she thinks someone else might give a shit, but that's about it.
Feel like I shouldn't complain because that performative politeness bullshit is still better than a lot of people get, but it still really sucks knowing my only surviving parent will only see me as a dude in a dress or whatever.
That being said just a couple of weeks after my egg's cracked and I'm tired of having to boymode at home. I'm tired of only being able to wear pretty things inside my room, only to take them off every time I leave it. I just wanna figure this shit out from the safety of my own home without dealing with some nosy-ass cishet who's idea of gender is stuck in the 1980's.
Also feels kind of lame complaining like that only after a few weeks, but I questioned this shit like a decade ago and its kinda been gnawing at my brain since. So in some ways, it kinda feels like I've been waiting a lot longer than that.
I'm sorry. That's kinda how mine are too, with other trans people. I don't know if its ignorance or what for them.
I think you have every right to complain.
Thanks, I know suffering is relative and all. It's good to know the shit I'm going through is valid too...
I'm glad you're all here though. Its nice to have somewhere to find acceptance. <3
I got away with a "I don't need you to understand, I just need you to believe (that I'm doing this for the right reasons/I'm happy/this is good for me)", though idk how the belief angle would go down with believers?
They came around eventually, and suspended their disbelief until such time too. Those that couldn't were left by the wayside and it's easier without them anyway.
Thank you, I'll remember that.
some upsetting examples
I want them to understand though. I want them to gender me correctly for example. I don't what them to say shit like "oh so now you want to be a woman" for example. I know they probably will and maybe I just need to accept that though. I don't know. And I want them to get the full picture of my experience.People are unpredictable sometimes too, like obviously if they're transphobic before hand or if they have issues with lgbt+ and such then you already know what to expect before hand, but some people can vary and even accepting people can have some really bad takes elsewhere. It's better to accept that it might not go well and prepare for that emotionally.
I probably should. I have no idea how I could deal with it if things genuinely went bad, instead of them just being a little ignorant.
I've been through probably the worst outcome to where I had to give up all my family. But I had years of other stuff with them and that was the final straw with me.. But I read about other trans people having good family and stuff and do stuff with their siblings and such so like I say it can be completely unpredictable at times.
I had some idea of my family and expected the worst with them.. I do think to be realistic with yourself, you know these people pretty well so you do already have some idea, but nobody can tell you how they will react either. I know it's hard and I get wanting to be accepted, hell I did even though I knew what reaction I'd get. I hate being negative about it, but I think being able to deal with it emotionally helps prepare you for even the most negative of reactions.
I would find some videos on youtube or something for people who want to understand and are able to talk with you would be good. I'm not overly familiar with many trans channels though.
I understand and appreciate that. Don't hate being negative, thank you. It is important to be prepared for unpredictability.
I will try and find videos like that, if anyone knows of any I would appreciate it.
You know I wish you well, just wish I had some good things to say too y'know..
I know that :) thank you.
some people can't understand, won't, or will throw up bizarre excuses as to why that's the case.
They don't want to understand, because they already believe it to be wrong.
Idk, I'm not going to go down the rabbit holes with someone who believes I'm going to hell, I'm just going to ask that they believe I'm doing what's best for me.
If they're receptive and show that they want to understand though? Yeah absolutely, let's talk about how binary gender roles reinforce the patriarchy, how talking about chromosomes isn't relevant or able to be known in everyday interaction, how going through a second puberty is rad af (but it'd probably be nicer making an informed decision about the first).
But those are conversations, not arguments. Some folks will want to learn, others will throw up walls wherever they can
I agree completely. I wouldn't argue with them.
Honestly, the only reason I want to come out is to get affirming care right now. I do not have much energy for those types conversations right now, although I think at some point I might.
My dad's a fundamentalist Christian, I haven't talked to him in years - unrelated, he just called me in the middle of the night and said he was cutting me off. Near as I can tell he was very mad that I supported my sisters apprehension from him and wanted him to do the work with children's services to get reunited with the (for example, accepting that he did something wrong kn the first place)
At this point, I've been living as a woman for 3 years. I don't really care if he believes me or not, now, but it would've sucked to hear if he didn't back when I was still very early in transition. I doubt he'd accept my new name, he's the one who named me my dead name, I can picture he'd say "you're still my baby boy." But, maybe he would believe me and maybe he'd be cool about it. Never can tell, some really hardcore christians really buy in to "hate the sin not the sinner" and accept and support you no matter what.
Thank you for sharing.
No, I suppose you can't. I'm not at a point to cut them off unfortunately, either.
I see what you mean about it feeling like a lesson. I will watch it later and see if I can use any of it though.
You're right, it would. Maybe some of this might be impatience on my end. Thank you.
I think its worth it to try. I really do love them, and I know they love me. Also sorry your parents are shit.
Thank you. It's hard to remember that my healthcare is actually necessary sometimes. Thank you for the solidarity.