I hope everyone had a great week last week. Hopefully this one turns out even better for everyone.
this post was submitted on 06 May 2024
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idk how to tag this so I'm going to go for "dated language" even though that isn't really right and there's not any slurs. Also negativity. And uh, maybe some dysphoria posting. Just assume the worst I suppose.
spoiler
I don't know why I'm even thinking about being trans. Its like I'm being swallowed up by a whirlpool. I don't want to be trans, so why can't I just be okay with being a guy? Its so hard, and so confusing, and I'm not even trans yet. And if I do decide that's just going to be worse. I'll be ugly, and manish, and embarrassed. It'd be horrible. I can't do it. I'm trapped and drowning. I just... can't be trans. Why is my mind even thinking about doing it? I... I just have to stay. Why can't I go back? Why am I more and more upset... I just don't get it. Please brain, just let me live in peace. I used to be fine being a guy, why can't we go back? Whatever. I'm rambling and idk how well any of you will be able to follow anyway so I'm cutting it off here.I'm so horrible looking too
I don't even know why I'm posting. No one can help. I guess, even as fucking pathetic as it is, knowing a few people are sympathetic will be reassuring.
WRONG!!! You will NOT be ugly and manish you will be pretty and womanly
thanks
but I will be I'm so big 
NO, you will be hot and thats a fact, nothing, not even your own pessimism will or even ever could change material reality!!!
It's actually true, it's inevitable. Every single time. Even the (please excuse the language) bricks are pretty.
When she says "buh my ribcage is wide!" bitch too bad, very cute.
I think a lot of trans people can relate to these sorts of feelings. I used to think being trans was this inescapable curse and that everything about it was just gonna be horrible and difficult and staying in the closet all my life would be preferable.
But transitioning has been the best decision of my life, and I'm way happier than I ever was as cis and nothing have been nearly as impossible as I thought.
This is my experience as well, especially in being late to connect the dots due to a lot of repression.
Hugs
But why are the dots even there, and why now
and why are some dots missing. And why do they have to connect 
I don't feel like I've been repressing anything (okay well for the last 6~ months maybe but not before that)
Thanks
I appreciate it and you sharing.
I wish I had any answers either :/ I will say though, I used to think my life would have to be ugly because I had to live it with my AGAB. It's freeing to know I can choose to make it beautiful in my own way ๐