If I woke up as a woman, regardless of who that woman is, I would masturbate.
this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
512 points (96.2% liked)
Microblog Memes
5885 readers
4041 users here now
A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.
Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.
Rules:
- Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
- Be nice.
- No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
- Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.
Related communities:
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
I would masturbate.
This is how I answer most hypotheticals
What if you woke up as your grandpa.
I suppose it depends on how decomposed I am and whether or not I need a heartbeat to get an erection, or if the force reanimating me takes care of that in addition to basic movement, perception and cognition.
load more comments
(5 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
I'd fart in a position so the fart bubbles through my pussy lips and giggle uncontrollably.
Then probably eat Taco Bell and repeat a couple times.
You know, I did have masterbate. Now I'm not sure. Would it be different if she... well, I.... had an innie?
Also wonder if I can turn my wife bi so double bonus if I ever get back.
load more comments
(7 replies)
Yeah if I was her you wouldn't see her outside for a few weeks if I'm honest.
Taylor Swift randomly disappears for 2 months,, then suddenly releases new single called "Oh So That's What It's Like"
Check if that asshole is bleached
*take a 15 minute flight in my jet to get some fresh bread
Post nudes on 4chan. See if they can tell if they're real
Carefully photoshop her face in from other pictures of her. Make them both real and fake at the same time.
Post nudes, but with some other woman's face photoshopped on the body. The greatest troll would be that the nudes they seek are right in front of them, they just don't know it.
Check myself out nude and then start working on a Norwegian black metal album.
I like all the men chiming in who think that Taylor Swift isn't hot enough for them. Because I'm sure all the women interested in them are far more attractive than Taylor Swift, which is why they have such high standards.
load more comments
(5 replies)
load more comments
(33 replies)
Well first I got up I had a piece of toast.. then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish.
CLAW-PLACH!!!
Kra????
Taking my top off? It's what our do regardless of who I woke up as though.
100% I'm masturbating and checking myself out in the mirror while doing so.
Then I'd buy myself all the things I wanted (assuming I wake up in her life and not just her body in my life).
load more comments
(2 replies)
why am I seeing Taylor Swift everywhere? Is she running for presidency?
It's fascist propaganda. It's not just that they don't like her endorcing Biden or the conspiracy theories, it's also good distraction from real issues. It's working really well too.
Look in the mirror and check out boobies obviously!
Trying to figure out who the fuck I am.
Honestly find how the real Taylor felt about actual issues and her fans as best as possible and then just put it out as a press piece.
No more false figurehead that their conscious only exists as the imaginary paradox of all of their believers. People love to talk on her behalf on how she feels about things and it always seems to agree with them.
I am breaking the swifties and giving a real person to look at and not a mascot.
Freak out because I only know one of her songs and I'm about to go on stage.
Presumably im being spooned by that sports man, so Id rip a massive fart on his dick and balls, then go to the dunny.
Transfer all wealth and assets to socialist causes, liquidize what I can and have. Have a stiff drink. Record a video where I declare myself loyal to the anticapitalist cause and the steps I took so far. All houses are now open to be ransacked come and get it.
Then I dunno, turn the swifties into a paramilitary organization that will join the struggle against the capitalist class.
That would be a pretty good day.
Well I would go to the loo then brush my teeth and then have a shower.
load more comments
(4 replies)
I would give all of my money to my (real) family then kill myself.
Not because I dislike Taylor Swift, she just has the complete opposite life I want. I do not like attention. I am not an extrovert. I despise people.
This is actually kind of a nightmare to think about lol.
If you woke up as her, with all her wealth, you could disappear. Change your hair, gain some weight, no makeup, and tour around Europe
With her money, you can do whatever you want. That includes buying an island and employing trigger-happy security to ensure you enjoy your life of solitude.
Has anyone said masterbate furiously yet?
Run for president. Don't think she'd be a good president, but she may be able to laminate Trump
load more comments
(1 replies)
Maybe not the first, but I'd want to make sure her music talent was part of the deal, otherwise its all downhill from here.
load more comments
(15 replies)
Give away all but $10m and then just chill on a farm in anonymity on my ones.
Step up to the guillotine
I'd put a picture of myself on Facebook setting fire to a MAGA hat and give conservatives the stroke they've been winding up for about T Swizzle for the last six weeks.
I'm with the bread lover. Eat bread first, then pee, then get dressed.
Sue every billionair for being billionaires and affecting the lives of poor folks (now that i have the monwy to go to court)
"How to immediately go broke with this one weird trick"
Transfer $100 mil to my old self's bank account. I don't know if this body swap is permanent.
Eat babies. No wait, that's Johnathan Swift.
me personally: make a lemmy instance
view more: next ›