Newspaper name checks out.

"I can tell a man's testosterone level by the feel and texture of his balls. Takes a few seconds of fondling but it works!"

Penis Inspection Day is official US policy now.

They say you can only truly know a guy is you've had a mile of his cum. I guess you could walk a mile in his shoes but what if he's wearing the shoes? I think the cum option is better. And it's easy because guys only cum a few spoonfuls at a time. So you can take that mile in about a year of carefully sucking each guy. Hopefully this can be implemented right away. Remember to eat a few pieces of pineapple guys, it makes it taste good.

His goal since the beginning

Instead of bouncing quarters off their beds…

Perfect photo

"Attention!" has taken on a whole new meaning.

I'd be out; Velma is way hotter than Daphne imo.

Edit: looks like people haven't read the article.

The obese orange imbecile initially wanted to do it, but backed out once they told him the soldiers were actually older than 12.

with his mouth?

I remember an old WW2 vet once told me that his cohort was getting medically inspected and that they were thus duly fallen in and had to "present themselves" in actual drill.

brilliant

jesus. what's up with his old man hands? you know he never washed dishes in his life, so what's going on?

i love the look though lol. blue suit, red tie, crisp white shirt--not-so-subtle nod to the american flag, which is supposed to make all his whiney diarrhea go down nice and easy. you see, this is a guy who really cares about his country! i've never even seen a pic of george washington giving respect to the flag like that.

this look is called 'patriot core' btw.

some loser who gets paid 200k a year to 'style' these dweebs came up with this, and the sad thing is that it probably works.