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Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 1 month ago by ZeroCool@piefed.ca to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works

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WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its “absolute best” by personally checking the erection strength of all servicemen over the age of thirty, according to confused sources within the Pentagon.

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[–] UncleArthur@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 child)

FTA:

"He’ll also reportedly be issuing dishonorable discharges for any fighter who gets hornier for photos of Scooby‑Doo’s Velma over the ‘way hotter’ Daphne.”

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[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 month ago

Jinkies!

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lemmy:	0.19.20
mlmym (mschae):	26.3.4