• relax
• don't get attached to the idea of the person, spend time and get attached to the legacy you've built together.
• be yourself, as quaint as that sounds. Nobody likes the stressed out "I gotta get her or Ill die" kind of vibe. Be a friend first.
• if she ghosts you then count your blessings, you probably dodged a bullet.

Think of it this way: remember that sleepover playdate that lasted two days too long? You both had enough before it was over?

Yes that thing, some people like to keep their eyes open for that kinda stuff before stepping into a relationship. And it's a good practice. Other people have that "yes let's go!!!" kinda thing and that clashes sometimes.

Anyway that's what I've learned so far.

Not a rare thing, really. It's a human issue, regardless of age or gender.

People can definitely get attracted to the idea of a person that lives in their heads. They fall for a fantasy, often nurturing it with daydream. That's what a 'crush' is.

Reality hits when you see them as a real person with nuanced emotions, deep personal history, and a rich inner world. The reality of a person clashes with the fantasy of them.

Often that's a good thing. People get relationship maturity that way. They grow their skills of empathy, patience, compassion. The fantasy fades for a beautiful tapestry. Even if your relationship ends, you can respect each other.

Sometimes it's an inconvenient truth. The reality of a person isn't what you want, and the fantasy of them withers in the face of it. You can even bitterly resent them for falling short of your daydreams, robbing you of their comfort.

As strange as it sounds, it is a blessing for it to happen so quickly. For many, it's something they awake to in middle age. Feeling encroaching mortality, they realise that they settled in a life that was convenient, with a partner that was attainable, rather than either being truly satisfying.

So they sabotage it, flee it, resent it, or all the above. We call it the 'mid-life crisis'.

This sucks and feels awful, but of the many ways this could've gone? This was actually one of the better ones.

It's funny, I have had that exact experience with guys when I was young. The second I started returning the interest, they would drop me like I was a venomous snake and go flirt with someone else.

Until I met my boyfriend I just thought men didn't want women to like them back. Color me confused when the pre historic version of incel/manosphere culture began bitching about women playing hard to get back in the late 2000s/early 2010s on various forums.

Was over here like: y'all are the ones who run for the hills whenever a girl shows you she likes you, though. 🤷‍♀️

>be anon with no relationship experience

>see girl tweet I don't understand

>"damn those rascally foids"

>invent backstory for tweet that would validate my emotional response

Back in my day this post would be called fake and gay, not capped and spread like a venereal disease.

This is OP btw:

This is why you date, wheat from chaff and all that. The day you find someone perfect is the day you can stop looking

To be miserable.

And they are very very good at making themselves miserable, and going on a rant about how they this is your fault and all men are awful.

Your job in life is to avoid folks who choose to be miserable. good luck

Is this why I always got ghosted? I was beginning to think they were just cruelly toying with me...