That one.

In a fantasy, your crush is perfect. In reality, they're messy, traumatised, vulnerable, reactive etc. That's nuance. That's history. We're so immersed in our own fundamental ideas from upbringing that it's easy to assume we're the default, but not a single one of us are.

Sometimes that nuance is beautiful. Sometimes you're compatible.

Usually, it's a let-down. Because nobody can be a better match for you than the fantasy in your own head, and we need to learn to stop using daydreams as a yardstick.

Growth comes from accepting people are nuanced and determining what is compatible for you, instead o chasing the daydream (or pressuring a person to change into one).

they think nuanced emotion makes you gay

..so the baggage there is that they're grown up in an environment that measured their worth as a person by their stoicism, particularly gender perscriptivism. They parrot 'emotions are gay' to conform to the standards imposed on them, even though it comes packaged with self-neglect and deep emotional trauma. They learned it young enough, imposed harshly enough, that they believe this is an immutable fact about the world.

See? Nuance.