I haven't been skinny since I was a child, so I can't relate. But it would feel very weird if people started noticing me more. I'd probably find it annoying, to be honest. Good job with the weight loss!
I'm stuck in the opposite situation right now. I spent my whole life being skinny-fit. That's thanks to undiagnosed ADHD, which kept me bursting at the seams with energy 24/7. I was always running everywhere, biking, canoeing, hiking, doing martial arts and gymnastics, climbing trees, buildings, etc. I had a natural 8-pack without ever going to the gym. I used to get lots of attention and compliments, and I would turn heads in public pretty frequently.
I never had a big head about my looks growing up. I never really noticed I was all that attractive, I just thought I was "normal." It wasn't until I started losing it that it really hit me.
I broke my leg in my late 20s. Motorcycle accident. It was pretty bad, and my job at the time (US military) rushed me to get back to work and back into the gym ASAP, which meant it didn't heal well. I've basically had leg pain ever since, which has severely restricted my physical activity and almost got me kicked out of the military. Both my legs were compromised; I spent several years walking with a cane before knee surgery finally got me back on my feet unassisted. But I'm still dealing with non-stop aches and pains.
Adding to that... I fell down the stairs in my 30s and messed up my back, so now I basically hurt all the time every time I try to move anywhere. I'm 100% Permanent & Total disabled, according to the VA. I can still walk normally and I don't look disabled if you meet me. But I'm basically in minor pain all the time, just from existing.
As a consequence, exercising has become an extreme challenge and I found myself gaining weight over the years of inactivity. I'm already 75 lbs heavier than my target weight and it's really showing in my gut and face. Swimming is pretty much the only exercise I can do with minimal pain, but I hate swimming. So motivating me to go to the pool has been near impossible and I'm just packing on the pounds now.
I've noticed that people don't give me much attention anymore. I haven't turned heads in public in almost a decade now and people don't go out of their way to help me anymore. Folks are more blunt and rude with me, which hurts because I've spent my life trying to foster positive and uplifting communication with everyone I meet.
Also, at 42 years old, I'm finally starting to show my age. On top of the weight gain, my hair is turning gray and receding, and I'm growing large quantities of unsightly hair everywhere else. People treat me like a tired old man now, not a young fit man. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that, even if I do get back in shape somehow, I'll never truly be attractive again. Now that I'm aware of what I once had, it's already gone. I dunno, maybe that's just part of my midlife crisis, but it's been one of my bigger struggles in recent years, having to adjust to a new me who doesn't reflect the me I see myself as. I feel trapped in an ugly body with weights tied to every limb. Every little bit of movement is a painful struggle and it's frustrating.
I also find swimming super boring. I plan to do it more when I get older as it is as you said a good way to exercise without straining/pain.
Have you thought about getting some bone conducting waterproof headphones? You can load audio files onto them like music, podcasts or audio books.
They aren't that expensive anymore. I have shokz but other brands work fine too in my experience.
Shave your head. Join us. The bald life is great
is it time?

You know, I wanted to find and post this image myself but I was away at the time, and my phone screen is like 2 inches. Thank you for doing it instead 😅
I can't shave my head. I have ridges on either side of my head. My scalp looks like a wrinkled ballsack. Not only am I hideous with a shaved head, but the ridges prevent me from smoothly shaving. I'll have tufts of hair in the creases of my scalp where I can't reach with a razor.
My best bet is that I don't go completely bald and can do something with what hair I have left. Otherwise, I'm gonna be one ugly bastard in old age.
Heyyyyy bro I’m there with you!
You’re not alone.
Biggest difference was at the doctor's office:
Fat me: Doctor, I've been shot!
Doctor: Have you tried losing weight? That's clearly the problem.
Thin me: Doctor, I've been shot!
Doctor: Well your bloodwork looks great, nothing to do here.

I've gotten to the realization that modern medicine just isn't there yet. Pretty sure I've got some weird inflammatory thing. But even if I do get diagnosed with something, odds are there's going to be nothing I can do about it aside from trying to stay active, not eat things that aggravate it, and stop taking so much random medicine to be comfortable (most things I take more are associated with developing dementia). I don't have the energy to spend all that time getting diagnosed with something there's no real treatment for. So I'm doing my best with the lifestyle recommendations for my symptoms and hoping it takes me on my feet.
I had the opposite experience. When I was younger and a very muscular 170 I did ok with women. When I got older and COVID closed my gym I put on a lot of weight, about 240 at my highest, but being older and having figured myself out a lot more I have fewer women turning heads on the street but women I actually talk to were FAR more interested in me.
People have their preferences and I’m sure more people prefer fit partners over not, but often the biggest factor in this change you’ve experienced might not be the weight loss itself, but the confidence it gave you.
yeah 170 and 240 are like a few tens of pounds away from typical. OP is talking about being way higher than typical to getting close to ideal bmi which is atypically fit.
absolutely! I went from 378lbs to 190lbs in just over 2 years and everyone was way nicer. women, (and men), flirted with me. workers in stores offered to help me more often. I got a raise. everyone treated me differently. even long time friends wanted to hang out more often than normal. then life happened, I gained back up to 302lbs. once again, I'm invisible. people rarely talk to me other than just a "good morning". but, I'm back on keto and fasting so soon I'll be back to my former glory.
I lost weight and kind of blossomed in my early 20s, but in my head I was still overweight and awkward, so when I got hit on I had absolutely no clue.
You were no longer the giant Korean!
Definitely. I started taking karate in 11th grade and went from almost 300lbs down to 200.
I became visible at that point. People noticed me and talked to me. When I went to college, girls were pursuing ME. It was all very new and strange to me, and I definitely missed some opportunities, just because I didn't always understand when people were flirting with me. It just wasn't anything I had experienced before.
I'm old and fat again, but I think being fit for a while taught me how to project "thin guy energy". Fat is not just a state of body, it's also a state of mind.
I started taking karate in 11th grade
Karate's also really good for your posture, which might have changed perceptions of you. BTW most shotokan schools are very welcoming of older people.
In my experience, all traditional styles are welcoming, adapting to different and changing bodies is part of the philosophy.
Welcome to pretty privilege, beautiful
Yes my friend the world is cruel and shallow, and your looks are a multiplier for all of your opportunities. Go forth and make people happy just by seeing you
People who have lost weight in this thread talk about how their own attitudes changed. Is that what spurned the change for them or a result of the effects? It's probably both but it's complicated. And very, very far from a simple framing like privilege.
spurned
"to reject with disdain or contempt"
You mean "spurred", "to incite to action or accelerated growth or development"
First off, congrats on shedding so much excess mass! Second off, ignore BMI, it is a shit metric.
For those who lost weight, what was it like for you? Did people start treating you differently?
Yes, I immediately started noticing a change in people... as well as in myself (feeling more confident for the most stupid reason: the way people would look at me). Because the real trick is that it's not just 'them' being weird, it's us.
I had to reteach myself to behave like I used to but I kept on losing weight (not thin by any mean but not the obese dude I had been for so many years), because that was what I needed to do in order to preserve what remained of my health.
I’m so jealous any time I see a fat guy who looks completely comfortable with themselves
For me it did not change how people treat me, but how I treat myself. This than reflected how I interact with people and made them treat me better in return.
After going from ~145kg (320lbs)to ~82kg(181lbs) my confidence skyrocketed and I got very possitive and in the mindset of everything is possible if ypu work hard enough.
This mindset did not leave me even when I when back to ~118kg (260lbs) and I was still as popular as I was when I was ~ 82kg (181lbs).
After 1 year with ~118kg tho, the confidence started to waver as I did struggle to get back down and was mentaly in a break point anyways because, you can't outrun the trauma and I had to address my eating dissorder (binge-eating) and undiagnosed neurodiversity.
Now with therapy I'm back back to ~98kg(216lbs) and I started loving and accepting myself again, I often get compliments from people saying, I look great and happy compared to one or two years ago. Not just from the weight but also the aura around me is quite more possitive.
Cant tell about women as when i was at my height of around 100kg 175-177cm, overweight, no muscle. There weren't that many women in my environment to accurately gauge any treatment. That was some time before covid.
During that time i lost ~25kg. Down to ~72-73kg and that was the time when thanks to covid client services jobs were starting to suffer and there was influx of women to my field.
No treatment difference from men up until that point.
But as i managed to implement a decent resistance training routine along with diet control over time i packed on muscle mass as well with fat loss.
By now I'm ~83kg, 15-17% bodyfat, clearly muscular even by regular gym goers standard.
That did eventually change treatment from guys.
They became more forgiving, friendly and maybe respectful. I have ADHD, so the amount of mistakes i make hasn't changed, but if previously i was scolded for the same mistakes then now I'm rather easily forgiven and told "no worries, shit happens". In addition any advice i say is heeded actually and people to come up to me more regularly to ask for help
Edit: forgot to add in my wife. While the overall treatment hasn't changed as we have been together for around 14 years, so all body types, from skeleton(~60kg in early adulthood) to overweight to muscular. She is most definitely more attracted and "hornier" now when I'm muscular than other times in our life.
She is most definitely more attracted and “hornier” now when I’m muscular than other times in our life.
I need to keep up my swimming routine..... thanks for the motivation
Oh yes!
Currently down from 160 to 100kg (350 to 220lbs) and almost everyone is treating me differently. Many people didn't make eye contact with me either on the street or in shops, some were visibly unconfortable (or slightly afraid). I had remarks all the time about how big (not fat, just imposing) I was.
Now cashers smile at me, people on the street are more friendly. It's night and day and it saddens me in a way. I didn't lose weight for appearence reason but for my health, and to see for the first time how people are (were towards me) judgmental is kinda sickening.
I just though people are sometimes a bit cold but never really associated it with my weight.
Went from 130-100kgs(286-220lbs) over about a year so far, still trying to get lower, but it has slowed down. <_<
I personally haven't noticed a different maybe I'm not observant enough.
Congratulations on the weight loss, hope you reach your goal and feel great about your awesome progress.
It was a huge headfuck and made me a little depressed, at first.
Yes, everyone treats me much differently. I get free stuff sometimes. It's wild. And I'm still pretty weird-looking, just minus 90+ pounds, plus a bit of muscle and confidence.
People treated me better for the first year then it was normal. My biggest was 286lbs (129 Kilograms.). I'll never forget getting down to 168 and I felt like shit because of how little energy I had I feel a lot better at 189lbs-194lbs range but that's because I eat better and I lift weights and exercise and I'm not trying to lose weight and I didn't really use any weights going down but I did when I was trying to not feel sluggish from being too small.
That's trippy to think, I had a group of friends in my early 20's at my smallest and they were telling me to catch up but when I was an overweight teenager, I was being told to hurry up because I was big and therefore, slower.
Oh wow, catch up vs hurry up. That's an interesting one. Thank you for sharing.
I had a bi friend become really sexually aggressive. And had to rush out of a bar in ft. Lauderdale cause I was kinda SA'd. It's a mixed bag.
I'm sorry that happened to you. These things cropped up for me, too. It was like suddenly inhabiting a whole new world. Sometimes in good ways, but often not so much.
I'm not necessarily angry about the first one, the second one was pretty eye opening though, as far as being in a woman's shoes type thing.
Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
7) No Hit-and-Run questions.
Please don't delete your post for no apparent reason. If you plan on deleting a question later, say so in the post, or if you feel that you have a good reason to remove it, message a mod beforehand. It's not fair to the ones who took their time to answer, and it's not in the spirit of the community.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu