My classics are:

• "what can I getcha; I can do a virgin screwdriver, a virgin appletini, a virgin vodka cranberry and we have a fine selection of pre-fermented wines."

• (when giving liquid meds) "Now I do have salt but I'm fresh outta limes!"

• (when giving multiple containers of liquid meds) "will I be mixing these into a cocktail for you or do you want me to line em up like you're 21 again?"

• (when we're getting ready to bleach the everloving fuck out of the dayroom at 11pm) "you don't have to go to your room but ya can't stay here!"

Or "PDW" when I've got 2 minutes to write down your life story before moving on to the next patient in handoff. It's not uncommon for me to scribble down something to the effect of:

"PDW w/o plan iso ++life stress" (passive death wish without plan in the setting of multiple life stressors)

...multiple times per assignment. Like out of a six-patient assignment for the night I'll probably write that at least twice.

If it's only one specific stressor or I'm not too pressed for time I may specify. Common specific stressors include:

• homeless (most common)
• job loss
• SO/mom/dad/sis/bro/pet/fam died (usually only one buuut)
• charges
• SUD (substance use disorder)
• chronic ill.

...but yeah people be checking into the psych ward for passive death wishes that all the time. 9/10 times the stressor is homelessness and realistically many are exaggerating a little for 3 hots and a cot but I probably would too tbh and I also really don't wanna live in a world where we gotta question the validity of somebody's expressed suicidal ideation.

There's been too many. At this point taking back one would just make another more glaring. I'm just like this. Starting EMDR on Monday and hoping they'll be able to program out the random crippling guilt over literally everything.

I once saw a deaf patient fingerspelling off to the side to "feel out" the word they were trying to write the same way you might "sound out" a word. Blew my mind. Also the time we had a schizophrenic where the translator couldn't make heads or tails of their signing so we tried BSL etc with similar results but eventually they got medicated and it turned out it was ASL just the ASL version of "word salad" (common symptom of psychosis). Like I know it's just a language like any other but it's always cool to see the different ways it can manifest the same functions and dysfunctions.

When I worked forensic psych pretty much everybody who wanted to plead insanity was trying to weasel out of something horrible (time spent institutionalized NGRI is almost always waaay longer than an equivalent prison sentence so it's only worth it if you're going away for life anyway). Those ones would try to put on a good show on the unit but I only ever saw one of them commit hard enough (they literally faked it until they actually were mentally ill).

The people who were legit psychotic would just keep defending the psychosis as reality in increasingly bizarre ways. They'd demand to represent themselves because the court appointed lawyer kept trying to talk them into accepting treatment but noooo, they needed to make a public statement about how they're not crazy and the gay bar really is full of alien pedos and their court date for public intoxication and indecent exposure is their big moment to let the world know.

So I guess you could. But nobody would buy it.

Idk they had me from episode 1. Best episode though imo is tikka to ride

idk what mine counts as it'd be a hell of a vtuber persona

and tbh straight fruit isn't always good for you, especially not when they're taking out the pulp / fiber.

RateMyDickPick was really good but tumblr killed it along with all the other nsfw.

#TheRestOfTheFuckingOwl