I went to a queer rave, super fun! I met up with a guy I used to tutor when he was just a wee beebee (like teenage years). So weird meeting up with him again - and also the poor fucker is so clearly an egg, and looking back I clocked it but I was also an egg?? Like I felt a kindred spirit at a time when I didn't know why or what exactly I was feeling. I dont wanna misgender, the guy is still he/him but making the /r/eggirl jokes I did in the year or so before I cracked

Second support group meeting went well. I still don't really know how much like me anyone there is but its nice. I haven't really talked about any problems yet, might do that next session, idk I feel a bit weird about it. Doesn't help almost everyone there is cis (one NB person). Everyone seems to primarily talk about their lives in general and not queer stuff specifically.

Defying stereotypes by being really bad at computers, touched a stick of ram and now the display isn’t working :)

the amount of fatphobia/body shaming/ableism/racism present even in purportedly leftist/queer spaces is sad (and if u have a problem w/ ppl bringing attention to it u should sit and think why that is)

self purported leftists on their way to get way too excited that they can make jokes about body shape, disabilities, and gender/sexual orientation and justify it as "well it's fine THEYRE the bad people"

yawnnnn

eepy day

*flops*

traaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnns

I decided to try ballroom dance and all that! It sounded fun, can't remember who here tried it. Most dancing I do is like at the bar or a club,, I haven't done this structured partner dance since like middle school

I am NOT used to be a follower in most aspects of my life. Its fucking hard to not take charge of the guy lol. Also, its so strongly gendered which is a little weird but whatever - theyre serving the silver haired crowd so I suppose its to be expected. Im certainly one of the younger people at this studio. Also, hopefully this isnt like any other studio but theyre super hard on the sell and I get a lot of cultish vibes... I think Ill finish out my lessons and then find somewhere more cassusal.

bed should get up but is so nice an warm

I'm leaving the following words for myself and might come back to them later. Feel free to read (and agree/disagree)

how to recover from burnout

recover from burnout without taking time off

instant burnout recovery

In april my T was 88 ng/dL, in july it was 331, and two weeks ago it was 227. I've been on 100mg a day of spiro the whole time. All the nurses in mychart keep saying it's fine... I don't like being in "normal male" range and I'm scared it's messing with my hair

i built a garden bed this week. i am very sore now because apparently I am a programmer, not a carpenter.

but it turned out well at least so that's good

Endo appt raaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

finally got around to setting up a local image cloud and ssh keys, yipppee :3

I was talking with someone at work the other day about careers and they kept reiterating to me how important finding something that's "emotionally satisfying" and I "love doing" is. And I was like, trying to convince him that I really just need a job that isn't hell and pays adult money. There's not really a job that's going to be something I love. I do not love work. The things I would like to do are not practical for my other goals (making adult money). He did not get it.

Found a tactic in my chess game to win a pawn, there's a few routes he can go but no matter what he does he's losing a pawn in a few moves. Hoping he trades off the rooks first (that line takes a bit longer for me to win the pawn so I'm hoping he will take it and not see it still loses). But now I have to wait like, potentially multiple days to finally see my plan come together

4 weeks ago I mentioned I had changed my name, I'm still fighting against a few services to change my name with them, and this last one is an account I want to close but I can't until i get them change my name in their system, theyve asked for an excessive amount od information and it's fucking draining and humiliating

I want to throw up

Jesus my heart is beating out of my chest, just finished the screener and I still hate being percieved by medical professionals. I’ve learned that I need to get better answers for what I want out of transition, what my goals are. I’ve spent so long avoiding thinking about the future because it was something I hated, but now I have to conceptualize a brighter reality into existence.

Anyways I passed and will be seeing an endo soon