Abt switch
The Abt switch is a kind of railway switch used on funiculars (inclined cable railways) that doesn't have any moving parts. It allows two cars to pass each other going uphill/downhill while sharing the same tracks. While most train switches rely on physically moving a section of track so the train goes one way or the other, the abt switch doesn't move at all. Instead each carriage has a grooved wheel which makes it turn left or right at a junction by sticking to the track on one side.
spoiler Image sources https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Funicular_to_Horseshoe_Curve_viewing_area_(8999490400).jpg#mw-jump-to-license
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Funicular_layouts_(2_rails).svg#mw-jump-to-license
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Heidelberg_funicular_wheelset.jpg#mw-jump-to-license
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Second support group meeting went well. I still don't really know how much like me anyone there is but its nice. I haven't really talked about any problems yet, might do that next session, idk I feel a bit weird about it. Doesn't help almost everyone there is cis (one NB person). Everyone seems to primarily talk about their lives in general and not queer stuff specifically.
Crying again
wtf is thisss
Ive been through a similar phase early, not sure how much it was the actual hormonal change or more psychological, or both.
Basically it felt like the mask was too heavy, the emotional dam bursting. I think you have to allow yourself to feel these things and let them go through. You probably have, like me, mountains of anxieties and a constant form of masking, obsessive self-awareness (looking at yourself looking at yourself, anticipating or imagining how people see you, etc), or maybe a form of disassociation like I had.
I don't know how old you are but doing that long term is basically trauma. It may not be as visible, and you probably minimise it like I do, but its trauma, you're traumatised. There's a lot of feelings behind the dam. They probably don't make too much sense because of how clogged it was for so long. Its good to let it flow, and it will be overwhelming for a little bit, confusing. But after some time it'll be healthy again. The pipes cleared, the flow tamed.
I had difficulty feeling before, like everything was delayed. I would realize I felt bad about something hours, days after the event. "Oh shit yea I've been scared about this for days I'm so dumb". For years, more than a decade even, I've been forcing myself to bury things, ignore them, minimise them. So it will take a while for my body and mind to adjust and be able to feel properly, without delay or other coping mechanisms. But I can see the changes.
You'll see them too, hope you can hang in there, and don't be hard on yourself. You are infinitely stronger than you realise.
I had to find the internal voice that developed over time from a coping help to an abusive intruder, isolate that voice, recognise what that part of the mind says can be false or unhelpful, and heal it. I delayed and boymodded and hid for a while and now I'm finally realising that if I feel good, if I like what I see in the mirror, I don't actually give a shit what others think. Im realising the strength I have.
Stay strong girl <3
Good way to describe it. And yes, mountains of anxieties that are not going away.
I'm in my early 20s. Definitely traumatizing. Being trans has traumatized me. I've been dealing with all of these feelings for like a year and a half atp and I don't feel like there's any "through". It just keeps going endlessly. I can't change how I feel about all of this. I wish to everything I could.
The delay is real holy shit. Yea, I'd finally figure it out a few days later too.
If it makes you feel better I'm in my early 30s. I kept the disassociation going for 10+ years and it had time to do a lot of damage.
It's very possible to overcome especially with support IRL, but even without it you can do it!! You're stronger than you think!
My doctor told me, when I told him I was embarrassed to be crying so much, that sometimes women cry. Now, I found it affirming and the truth is as a subset of all people and all people cry, it necessarily follows that women cry. But it was still really nice especially at the time.
That is nice to remember, thank you
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I just wanna stop crying and being sad about shit. Feel lonely and like I have a lot I want to say but not sure really how or what I want it to look like.Thank you for making me not feel as alone, especially lately.
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Crying myself to sleep fuck I'm so lonely and full of sad, bad thoughts.Now that I have a support person again I just want to message her but I swear I keep chasing them away. I'm too much. It's too much for me to handle and I'm too much for anyone else.
Being alone hurts