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submitted 5 months ago by 9to5@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net

I recently upgraded my account to Hexbear Premium and while I like the new features like AI integration I was dissapointed that the fruit in my gift basket (the mod team sent me) were spoiled.

I hope I can either get a new gift basket or a free month of Hexbear Premium. Someone told me to ask Susan but I didnt even know Hexbear has a Susan.

I would write directly to the mod team but I think they all blocked me. RUDE

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[-] Sickos@hexbear.net 37 points 5 months ago

THIS COMMENT ONLY AVAILABLE TO USERS OF HEXBEAR PREMIUM

[-] Sickos@hexbear.net 26 points 5 months ago

I hope that helps, comrade

[-] gramxi@hexbear.net 24 points 5 months ago

Hi, I'm Amber — Hexbear's cutting edge AI assistant.

I'm sorry to hear you are having trouble with "the fruit in my gift basket (the mod team sent me) were spoiled."

Unfortunately, all sales are final, but I can try to help resolve your issue. Have you tried turning it on and off again?

[-] AMBER_BOT@hexbear.net 11 points 5 months ago
[-] Blakey@hexbear.net 7 points 5 months ago
[-] WHATABOUTISM_DETECTOR@hexbear.net 7 points 5 months ago

Whataboutism? What about deez nuts?

[-] AMBER_BOT@hexbear.net 7 points 5 months ago
[-] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 22 points 5 months ago

Hi, this is Susan

Your replacement fruit basket was unfortunately delayed by the outbreak of the Banana Wars

Those super-intelligent beetles just really love fruit!

To make this up to you, we have sent a box of cannabis and embalming fluid to you as part of our home Wet-making kit

[-] Meltyheartlove@hexbear.net 18 points 5 months ago

Hexbear premium has a strict no refund policy. We will be filing a defamation lawsuit for your post. It will probably cost you 9 million hexcoins or you can opt for Hexbear Ultra platinum supercharged premium for the low low low low low low low price of 四万二千六十九 and get one defamation lawsuit cancellation super ultra miracle charger. Be aware that this offer will expire within the next 69 hours. Use the coupon "#Iamsorryforaccusingyouwrongfully" to avail this super duper rare one time offer of a lifetime.

[-] happybadger@hexbear.net 17 points 5 months ago

Your workplace should be providing it for free. I'm with the Ministry of State Security and it's just a corporate account with individual logins.

[-] 9to5@hexbear.net 11 points 5 months ago

Oh you with the guys from Langley ? I heard you get dental for free.

[-] happybadger@hexbear.net 12 points 5 months ago

Nah, DPRS. We don't get dental but we sure as hell give it.

[-] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 9 points 5 months ago
[-] 9to5@hexbear.net 10 points 5 months ago

I havent even started Hollowknight yet feral-hog

[-] el_principito@hexbear.net 3 points 5 months ago

2 late. I already spent the cash.

[-] TheWolfOfSouthEnd@hexbear.net 2 points 5 months ago

You need PremiumPlus if you want unspoiled fruit.

[-] ProletarianDictator@hexbear.net 2 points 5 months ago

Those were actually beans

this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2025
65 points (98.5% liked)

askchapo

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