this post was submitted on 12 May 2025

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114

Meredith, one of my other hamsters || Trans Megathread from May 12th, 2025 to May 18th, 2025 (hexbear.net)

submitted 5 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

473 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hi! I've been extremely tired this week and nearly forgot that I was hosting one so I'm writing this last minute! I couldn't think of anything so I'm going to write about one of my hamsters who is not Biggs; Meredith

Meredith was another hamster of mine from a few years ago during the early days of COVID, and she was the absolute sweetest little creature I had ever met. Very friendly, very gentle. She loved exploring anywhere I put her into and never bit me ~~okay she did once ever~~. She was an absolute sweetheart and bundle of love and was with me during some of the rougher parts of my life

She unfortunately died very suddenly out of the blue one day at a terribly young age showing no symptoms of anything wrong with her prior, which breaks my heart to this very day

I never had her as long as any other hamster of mine but I don't think I had any other hamster touch my heart in quite the same way. I miss you, girl

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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

start up stellaris for the first time in like a year

completely revamped planet management screen and pop system

play for a decade

realize they shipped it without actually verifying if the auto pop migration system actually fucking worked

game now has a nigh unplayable bug in it

close, restart, reload older version

gods fucking dammit paradox

stop fucking redoing the planet management and making it worse every time. you had it perfected like 6 years ago
stop shipping shit when it doesn't work

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Paradox: No. How about instead dozens of frantic bi-weekly updates that break your saves instead and make shit worse

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

this entire patch featured the 8th overhaul of pops and planet management, emphasizing automatic resettlement as the core feature for early game expansion, make that shit actually fucking work when you ship it

"uwu sorry there is no available target planet for automatic resettlement"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 days ago

meow-tableflip

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Hestia left-unity-2 Estra

Putting off the mega till last minute

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

hi meredith mao-wave

what a cutie, i'm sorry you lost her so early.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

Woohoo hamster mega!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

Meredith sounds lovely. I'm glad she had someone that cared for her so much cat-trans

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

If I was a featherie instead of a furry

I'd be a bird of bara-dise

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

society if advertisers all died

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

See you, space cowgirl. rat-salute-2

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Almost as lovely as her former caretaker!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 days ago

crush oh thanks

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Might buy a faux ponytail madeline-stare

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago

You should madeline-stare

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago

I put all my gender points into the non-binary skill tree and now I'm a dog

This is working out surprisingly well tbh, would rec

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (2 children)

i just grew into a whale from a fuckin tadpole 👍

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)

What kind of whale?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

the kind that is a tadpole at some point

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Like that?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

i guess, maybe without the gentle part. i want to be able to defend myself in the ocean

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

stop being such a loud braggart and putting other people down

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Thursday when I looked I felt mixed and numb
Friday when I looked I wanted to die.
Today when I looked it’s feeling more like Thursday.

I don’t want to go out tbh, I don’t want people to see me.
This is the longest I’ve looked at myself in years and sometimes from some angles I look fine…but I still look like some awkward thing in the middle.
My lips and smile are so weird and idk how I would even fix it.
My hair is…idk how to even describe it.
I dunno…I won’t say it feels hopeless, but I feel pretty lost at what to do.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

That's pretty good progress! You're feeling better than Friday, that's good! Maybe as the days roll on, you'll feel less numb again and start to feel more at peace and happy. But you've been through Friday low and come out the other side.

Hair can grow or be cut, you can use products, hair is a fun one to experiment and play with! You might look pretty cute with french braids, plus having a partner do your hair is a really nice activity. Maybe your wife can curl your hair or braid it. Even sleeping in braids can give you fun bouncier curls the next morning, no need to go out with them.

There are options for lips if you feel it'll help you be in your body more. There's the simpler options of lipstick and lipliner. As you continue on with E it will continue to change your face, just slower. Or you can get filler injected, aim for more subtle over big big look - it doesn't take a lot to change your lips. Your smile is, I'm sure, quite charming. This is useless advice but try not to get in your head about your smile. Smizing is a meme (the wrinkles in the corner of the eye from a genuine candid smile) but you could try it and see how you feel.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago (4 children)

What do I do if my hair isn’t long enough for a ponytail?
I feel like my hair would look better if the back was up somehow and it was just my bangs and sides that were down, but idk what to do.

Kind of regretting getting a haircut a couple days ago. doggirl-gloom

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Grow your hair out (the hairclip idea is good for now!) then when it's time for a hair cut later, you can ask for framing hair! It's cut intentionally a little shorter so that when you put your hair up you get the cute little side hairs.

Also you have to cut every few months or so, you gotta trim off split ends

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

Seconding the framing hair. It's especially nice if you can get it at like, cheek length where it covers a bit of your face since it can round out the look and make you appear more femme. It's what my trans hairstylist recommended to me and I love how it looks.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago

clocking in for another shift in the posting mines

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago (3 children)

spoiler

Sorry I hate doing this at the start of a new mega but it hurts bad right now and none of my other ideas are great either

spoiler hopeless, suicide thoughts I am so sick of this shit. Life is horrible and I've known that for a while. I feel like I'm suffocating. I know what all my options are and they're all shit. I hope I die. I don't want to do this again tomorrow, I don't want to do this for however many fucking years I have left. Existing sucks and I'm done. "Oh such and such is just how things are" well I fucking hate it and want to put a bullet in my brain. I can't cope with how it is. Why the fuck did I have to be born. :::

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)

spoiler

Eggy,

It may not seem like it, but you're moving forward. Even when you're posting like this, it's not as bad as the things you used to say about yourself. I've also seen you being more social and casual outside of the mega more often. It may be hard for you to see progress, but I see it.

Based on our chat in the last thread, I think you're taking the right steps. I too want your pain to disappear immediately, but we can only offer you kind words here. I'm thinking of other things that might benefit you.

Do you still meet with your therapist? Have you two discussed medication like antidepressants? Do you have any experience with them? I know some people here can attest to how helpful they are.

Does your therapist know the extent of your pain? That you're having SI daily? What's the suggested course of action?

Sorry if you feel I'm prying or condescending, but I'm trying to understand your options.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

spoiler

Not forward enough, even in basic things. And I don't think that is going to fix the pain. That's true though, definitely used to do that more.

Thank you.

Yes I do. We did a few years back, tried like 10-12, didn't do anything for me. Tried a few intervention treatments and they didn't help either. I feel like ECT helped but that psych wouldn't be willing to do another round now anyway.

He knows I'm struggling a lot but I don't talk about the si explicitly so much. He doesn't really believe I'm depressed now a days for whatever dumb fucking reason. His suggestion is coming out to my family and/or keep doing life building stuff, getting my license and a full time job etc. Trying my hardest to do it but its impossibly hard. Hate the idea of coming out.

No you're fine, thank you.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

spoiler

I also think the life building stuff is most important. And it's not impossibly hard because you're taking steps to do it.

I don't like the idea of you coming out to your family either based on what you've said about them. Doubt that's safe for you.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

spoiler

I'm working like 15 hours a week and barely making it through shifts. Crying and shit. Genuinely unsafe. I don't know how to do more. I don't know where else to work. I don't know how and can't do anything. I am not cut out for this life and I can't do it. And it's all fucking worse because I'm trans.

Yea idk. Fuck my stupid life. Thank you for your thoughts tonight. I appreciate you.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago

lea-finger-guns sending positive energy your way!

meow-hug

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

spoiler

A year or two out for so fucking long. I'm tired and sick of this. Keeps getting worse too. I don't know why I can't go through with it. fuck everything I never deserved this to happen to me. fucking horrible.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (5 children)

Im going to journal my day to create content

Currently on my morning/breakfast arc

Im grating potato to make latke focaccia. Focaccia has been rising in the fridge overnight, this is going to be a kick ass breakfast

That will take 2 hours to rise and be out of the oven, in the meantime I will get in my exercise and dance practice out of the way

But first some quick chores and self care, including voice training

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 days ago

going back and forth between playing enlisted and doing important work

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

Moving the focaccia up to dinner and ate chickpea for brekky

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

I voice train by reading novels aloud, going through The Cossacks by Leo Tolstoy

Tolstoy making Cossack women sound like baddies

"Besides, the continuous performance of man’s heavy work and the responsibilities entrusted to her, have endowed the Grebensk women with a peculiarly independent, masculine character, and have remarkably developed their physical powers, common sense, resolution, and stability. The women are in most cases stronger, more intelligent, more developed, and handsomer, than the men. A striking feature of a Grebensk woman’s beauty is the combination of the purest Circassian type of face with the broad and powerful build of Northern women"

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