this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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Meredith, one of my other hamsters || Trans Megathread from May 12th, 2025 to May 18th, 2025
(hexbear.net)
Hi! I've been extremely tired this week and nearly forgot that I was hosting one so I'm writing this last minute! I couldn't think of anything so I'm going to write about one of my hamsters who is not Biggs; Meredith
Meredith was another hamster of mine from a few years ago during the early days of COVID, and she was the absolute sweetest little creature I had ever met. Very friendly, very gentle. She loved exploring anywhere I put her into and never bit me ~~okay she did once ever~~. She was an absolute sweetheart and bundle of love and was with me during some of the rougher parts of my life
She unfortunately died very suddenly out of the blue one day at a terribly young age showing no symptoms of anything wrong with her prior, which breaks my heart to this very day
I never had her as long as any other hamster of mine but I don't think I had any other hamster touch my heart in quite the same way. I miss you, girl
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Sorry I hate doing this at the start of a new mega but it hurts bad right now and none of my other ideas are great eitherspoiler
Eggy,It may not seem like it, but you're moving forward. Even when you're posting like this, it's not as bad as the things you used to say about yourself. I've also seen you being more social and casual outside of the mega more often. It may be hard for you to see progress, but I see it.
Based on our chat in the last thread, I think you're taking the right steps. I too want your pain to disappear immediately, but we can only offer you kind words here. I'm thinking of other things that might benefit you.
Do you still meet with your therapist? Have you two discussed medication like antidepressants? Do you have any experience with them? I know some people here can attest to how helpful they are.
Does your therapist know the extent of your pain? That you're having SI daily? What's the suggested course of action?
Sorry if you feel I'm prying or condescending, but I'm trying to understand your options.
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Not forward enough, even in basic things. And I don't think that is going to fix the pain. That's true though, definitely used to do that more.Thank you.
Yes I do. We did a few years back, tried like 10-12, didn't do anything for me. Tried a few intervention treatments and they didn't help either. I feel like ECT helped but that psych wouldn't be willing to do another round now anyway.
He knows I'm struggling a lot but I don't talk about the si explicitly so much. He doesn't really believe I'm depressed now a days for whatever dumb fucking reason. His suggestion is coming out to my family and/or keep doing life building stuff, getting my license and a full time job etc. Trying my hardest to do it but its impossibly hard. Hate the idea of coming out.
No you're fine, thank you.
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I also think the life building stuff is most important. And it's not impossibly hard because you're taking steps to do it.I don't like the idea of you coming out to your family either based on what you've said about them. Doubt that's safe for you.
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I'm working like 15 hours a week and barely making it through shifts. Crying and shit. Genuinely unsafe. I don't know how to do more. I don't know where else to work. I don't know how and can't do anything. I am not cut out for this life and I can't do it. And it's all fucking worse because I'm trans.Yea idk. Fuck my stupid life. Thank you for your thoughts tonight. I appreciate you.
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A year or two out for so fucking long. I'm tired and sick of this. Keeps getting worse too. I don't know why I can't go through with it. fuck everything I never deserved this to happen to me. fucking horrible.