Though in a darkly funny way I think my dysphoria around sex and being perceived as masculine prevented me from being victimized further, because she'd be like "do you want to come to my place after school" and some male friends would be like "she wants to have sex with you, that's cool" and internally I'd go "oh I don't want that" and make some excuse every time.

I'm processing this and actually feeling okay because I feel more insightful too about my old self. Also in a deeply fucked up way it's kind of gender affirming.

You let your almost boiling water fall upon your precious leaves and wait for them to infuse the crystal-clear water. With an elegant but quick motion you pour your heavenly-smelling tea into your gong dao bei and then into your smaller teacup, both of them handmade with a celadon glaze that is redirecting the sunrays to your eyes with a beautiful light-blue shimmer.

As you get your face closer to your cup, you get a hint of the lovely aroma that starts to fill your nostrils. You get hints of butter toffee, dark chocolate and bit of nuttiness. Of course you have to wait for it cool down first before you taste it, so you pull out your bamboo scroll and start reading ancient Chinese philosophy.

After a few minutes you finally get to enjoy this liquid treasure. As it fills your mouth, you get all of the aroma that you smelled previously, but a lot more intimately. Purely divine. A big smile starts forming on your face as you know that today you have been blessed by Heaven. Because this was just the first steep, and there’s many more to come.